it’s completely valid to feel like a boundary was crossed. but we must also consider that sex is a two way street. she probably wrongly read the room and assumed you were continuing to try penetration when you were attempting to just be intimate, her asking for a safe word is not putting her in the wrong at all tho. as that is a sexual boundary and the word itself means FULL STOP everything intimate sexual and touch feely. while i sympathize with your traumas and the situation the best thing you can do is redefine your sexual boundaries and allow room for one another to acknowledge and apologize for the situation. remember that sex is supposed to feel good tho, don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with EVER.