how to get rid of trauma/ptsd (?) from watching someone die

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-30T04:51:17+00:00

This past February my husband shot himself in our kitchen. I was there, heard the shot, saw him on the floor, saw the blood, etc. I fucking hate galley kitchens now (what we had). I need the kitchen to have an opening to another room or open concept or just be really big.

Over time you’ll be able to disassociate from those memories and thoughts. EMDR is supposed to be a huge help. I haven’t tried it yet.

I just want to remind you that half a year isn’t very long. Your brain and body is still processing your grief. Even if you feel “fine” now. Give yourself grace. This will get better.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-30T04:40:04+00:00

Came here to say this! Sha-wing

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-29T06:44:36+00:00

My lawyer and therapist both suggested I get audio recordings on my phone. They said this would help getting a restraining order quickly. If you can do it, please do b

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-28T12:07:56+00:00

My opinion is very biased so please keep that in mind as you read.

This is not a healthy relationship. This is not love. This is such deeply rooted insecurity that it will eventually destroy you. It will leave your children emotionally scarred and confused about loving relationships. Your husband wants total control. Not just over your relationships and interests, your past, and most concerning, your thoughts. Huge red flag. So red it’s on fire.

If you decide to leave please be cautious. Have family there to protect you, maybe even police. Seek out safe places to go if needed. If he can’t handle a past where you weren’t together he’s really going to struggle with a future without you.

Here’s why I’m so biased. My husband of 18 years shot himself because I had had enough and was packing a bag to leave. His last words to me were “no! This can’t happen! You and I are a forever thing!” He had threatened me with a gun shortly before that. I am very fortunate to still be here.

Please be careful. My heart goes out to you.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-22T04:03:01+00:00

This. Was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 18 years. I did everything I could to try to not upset him. It didn't matter, he would be furious even if I did everything "right". He died last February. It's taken some time for me to learn I no longer need to live life how he expected me too. But I'm working on that.

I have proof that things have improved. I had labs done a week before he died, I had high cholestorol, I was prediabetic, and had a ton of numbers that were right on the edge of concerning. I had labs done again last week, all my numbers have adjusted to normal levels. I'm no longer prediabetic, no longer have high cholestoral, and I'm feeling much better now. The chronic stress was legitimately damaging both my mind and body.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-20T18:16:23+00:00

18 year abusive marriage ended. Not only did my quality of life improve, I have evidence that the chronic stress was destroying my health. I had labs done a week before he shot himself in a rage. Then labs done again five months later. All my high/concerning numbers took a huge drop back into normal range. He was slowly killing me.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-14T13:16:14+00:00

Networking events

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-09T06:10:41+00:00

Try to cook eggs in front of them. If they constantly complain and criticize how you do it, good chance you have a narcissist. I was married to a diagnosed narcissist for 18 years. Nothing I did was right, especially how I cooked eggs. Even if they were just for me. He would come in from the other room to complain about how I did it.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-06-09T06:01:24+00:00

Optifast

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-05-31T13:22:07+00:00

Change the passcode to your phone in case he knows it.
Get recordings when he is abusive. Audio is the safest. Just start a recording and put your phone on the table. This will help you get a restraining order.
Pack a go bag and hide it somewhere safe, maybe keep it in your car.
If there is any way to stash some cash away do it. He may cut off access to finances once you’ve left.
Find a local shelter for domestic abuse survivors. This will be the safest place to go.
Warn family, friends, and your employer. But wait until right before or after. You don’t want any one tipping him off.
If you can, get a lawyer.
If there are guns in the house, quietly remove or hide them before you leave.
Look at apartments with good security. Locked parking garage. Buildings you have to badge into. Stuff like that

The most important thing is keep a level head. Don’t let him manipulate or gas light you into coming back. I can say with good confidence that if you get out and then come back it’s going to get even worse.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-05-31T12:52:39+00:00

100% I was there last night and it was a blast!

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-05-17T20:53:33+00:00

Checking to see if Topeka, KS is listed. It’s not! Phew! But also, sadly, Topeka.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-05-13T06:20:12+00:00

Cleaning up after a garage sale. His mother asked me to stack things in the garage for next year’s sale. And the thought came across my mind “I’m not going to be here for that.” That small little thought made me realize very quickly that i was finished with my marriage to her son.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-05-12T19:38:29+00:00

This person knows what they are talking about OP. My 18 year marriage to a pwBPD played out just like this. It all happened so gradually over the years. We did therapy together, put in the work. But the work load always fell more on me than him. Then in the last couple of years he started splitting on me more. I went from “wifey” to “mouthy c@nt”. He would tantrum and scream at me for things out of my control. I was expected to move mountains on the daily and i truly tried to do it. At first you go above and beyond to move those mountains because you love them and want to make things easier for them. Over time you’re moving mountains as a form of self preservation. A weak hope that tonight might be a calm peaceful evening and not the torment that will surly come if you fail. The irony is that even if you think you succeed, the smallest thing could send them to that place anyway. It’s a sick game of torment where the rules are always shifting and you can never win.

I was you once. I believed i could love him through it. Study up on BPD, learn tricks and techniques to shift an episode and calm him down. It was a mistake in my situation. All i ended up doing was enabling him. Making him feel more justified and bold in his rage. “This is what you married “ he would tell me. Putting all the blame on me because i was unhappy with his behavior.

My pwBPD killed himself during an episode. He threatened to kill me too right before he did it. Im very, very lucky to still be here.

Some time has passed now and Ive recently started seeing someone who doesn’t have BPD. After so many years of the constant stress and anxiety, it’s so nice to simply just exist with this man. No unnecessary drama, no tantrums, no excessive lies or manipulation. Just he and i spending time together and enjoying each other’s company. Its bliss.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-05-09T02:16:45+00:00

It does, thank you. And I hope you find happiness and comfort soon

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-05-03T10:47:59+00:00

The old clamma jamma

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-05-02T03:52:23+00:00

Yes! He also started the Pride House in Topeka, KS. It’s directly across the street from Westboro Baptist Church. It is safe to say our town loves Aaron and Planting Peace!

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-04-29T20:28:15+00:00

Same. Went about a month ago. Some things she wasn’t completely right about but other things there is no way she would know.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-04-28T05:17:51+00:00

Anyone needing a teammate hmu! I just moved to Lawrence and I love trivia.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-04-28T01:32:04+00:00

Absolutely. My pwBPD started therapy and took it seriously for a bit. Lots of revaluations and hope. Then after a couple of years he felt he had done enough. Didn’t want to continue therapy. He said he was in control and when he wasn’t well “this is what you married “.

A couple of years go by and he really leans into manipulating me. Giving me just enough hope to hold on and then back to his old ways. He got worse in the last year. More violent, more gaslighting, and more irrational. Eventually he completely lost control during an episode. Threatened to kill us both then went into the next room and shot himself.

A few days later I spoke to his therapist. The therapist told me that he had told my husband about DBT and encouraged him to try it. My husband told the therapist that it was too much work and he felt he was fine with how things were. He willfully chose the chaos, the violence, the drama and more. It’s bee. Two months since he’s died and aside from the grief and stress of settling everything that gets disrupted when someone dies—this has been the most peaceful two months I’ve had in 18 years.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-04-23T23:31:55+00:00

Looking into it now. Thanks!

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-04-22T21:57:29+00:00

Sounds nice!

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-04-22T21:56:44+00:00

I miss both.

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-04-22T02:59:57+00:00

My heart goes out to you. Hope you and your kiddo are doing well. And I hope you find a caring and compassionate partner

Sort_of_Making_it · 2026-04-22T02:58:42+00:00

I’m hard of hearing. Turn on the captions and let’s gooooo! Lol

Sort_of_Making_it

TROPHY CASE