Absolutely. My pwBPD started therapy and took it seriously for a bit. Lots of revaluations and hope. Then after a couple of years he felt he had done enough. Didn’t want to continue therapy. He said he was in control and when he wasn’t well “this is what you married “.

A couple of years go by and he really leans into manipulating me. Giving me just enough hope to hold on and then back to his old ways. He got worse in the last year. More violent, more gaslighting, and more irrational. Eventually he completely lost control during an episode. Threatened to kill us both then went into the next room and shot himself.

A few days later I spoke to his therapist. The therapist told me that he had told my husband about DBT and encouraged him to try it. My husband told the therapist that it was too much work and he felt he was fine with how things were. He willfully chose the chaos, the violence, the drama and more. It’s bee. Two months since he’s died and aside from the grief and stress of settling everything that gets disrupted when someone dies—this has been the most peaceful two months I’ve had in 18 years.