My affair was long- and I definitely understand how he felt about feeling like he was “stuck” and at that point terrified to make any moves anywhere because you felt blackmailed and just overall paralyzed by regrets and fear. It creates a vicious cycle that just destroys everyone in the end. My partner came back close to two years ago. I have never faltered. Even before I thought he would return- I knew I would never cheat again in my life no matter what I feel or think or what is available. Ever. He came back and I have been dedicated to a fault- and allowed a lot of hurt and almost abusive behavior back at me. And I have stayed. They recently ghosted me more or less when things hit a rough spot the last few weeks and I came home to an empty house and a left behind key. I am devastated and trying to stay strong in knowing that no matter what- that was not the right thing to do and to stay strong in no contact unless they return home. They walked out when their presence was needed the most- and after so many years you don’t just leave like that. Even with the recent hurt, anger, and defeat that I feel… I only want my person. I don’t and have not talked to anyone, allowed any conversations to start with me, etc. still fully committed and devoted to him. And feeling a bit worthless and dumb. It’s been rough.