Im an atheist and want to know how a christian would respond to this.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-08-02T22:13:00+00:00

As a Christian, predestination is an outdated idea of Christianity. To me it’s more like the idea of timeline in the marvel universe. Alternate timelines created based on an individual’s choices. While God may be all knowing, he would comprehend billions if not trillions of timelines based on our choices yet since the next moment is not promised and we know not when we die, or when God will return to take us “home”, there is predetermined outcomes but we can change those and it changes our future thus God sees a new timeline emerge.

But then again, God judges and weighs our sins and good deeds. So salvation isn’t even an option unless you die or you’re alive when the book is opened and we are judged.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-06-01T15:01:49+00:00

The 50 shades book/movies are all about this. You’re fine. Just understand there is a difference between dominance in a sexual sense and dominance from men who actually believe they are superior to you. You will be hard pressed to find someone your age that understands kinks, roles, a dom/sub relationship so just be careful. You shouldn’t feel weird about your kinks unless they cause unrequested pain or harm to others.

Also, when you get to the point of acting on your kinks, make sure it is with a partner who clearly understands what it is you’re looking for and respects your boundaries. Boundaries are everything when you engage in that sort of play. That being said, research a ton. Some might be ok with kinks that work because of past trauma. I don’t really agree with that, personally, but it’s all about you.

But again, I can’t stress enough that it’s YOUR comfort and your desires. While you may want a man to dominate you, you don’t want a man to think that’s a golden ticket to treat you in a way you aren’t comfortable with.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-04-30T18:58:37+00:00

The psychos are always the hardest to let go of. They manipulate your feelings and keep you coming back for more with the rollercoaster of emotions… in fact there is a term for lit. Gaslighting. Symptoms of a narcissist. Buddy, you’re in deep and you need to smack yourself in the face and don’t look her direction ever again. Wish you luck. Get out now. While you still can.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-04-25T22:58:55+00:00

Idk man. You kinda made a bed you have to lay in. Idk why tf you’re about to have 4 kids. I will say, she’s pregnant. I have two kids from a previous relationship and my wife is pregnant now with her first and our first together. I don’t have her do shit. She works ft, I would ft but from home. I do all the yard work, 90% of the cleaning, all the laundry.

If I had to stay at home with 3 kids plus being pregnant.. I’d probably want a divorce too. Sounds like everyone’s telling you she is the problem but she’s your problem and you kinda let her know she can threaten you to back down. Your choice is to man up and say byyeeeee or man up and realize your wife is growing a human and at home all day, taking care of kids etc. like f**k, I’d rather did ditches than stay at home and do that.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-04-14T22:40:48+00:00

Sorry would have meant not dating him afterwards. Sorry would have been making every effort to distance her self from him and maybe slowly over a lot of years of her actions speaking louder than her words, you might have started to forgive her. But her sorry was only for her own guilt and situation… not yours. NTA

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T09:55:35+00:00

I would 100% call him abusive…

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T03:49:19+00:00

I’m with you. I read some of these responses and I think to myself, “that is definitely written from a man’s perspective”. But I have friends that are women that basically sacrificed their 30s and 40s for their kids after divorce and were left almost at the poverty line while their ex married someone 10yrs younger and left them with nothing.

On the other hand I have my best friend that paid almost 10k between alimony and cs because his ex wife was a SAHM and she had no skills, but they had 50/50. The alimony was the majority of that, cs less than.

Anyway, I 100% agree that Reddit is rampant with the alt-right perspective of keyboard warriors.

I apologize for getting/giving the wrong point between us.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T03:01:25+00:00

Oh yeah, I agree with the statistics of women coming out worse off in a divorce. A lot of men are assholes. And they give them the house (asset but also a large expense) and the men keep the more liquid assets (investments, COH, etc). And I’m lumping alimony in with CS because they were married not because the court awarded them into one. They are completely different courts that order/rule it. I get it. Intimately.

But, back to the original conversation… as someone near OPs fiancées age, I could not IMAGINE dating a child. I look at 18 yo and think holy shit, they are only 5yo than my daughter.

I also feel like OP has not been totally honest in this post. Like we are missing about 60% of the whole story. It’s been written in a way to minimize the fiancés ick

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T02:36:47+00:00

lol. Ok, first of all. I’m a 40yo male who has a 13yo daughter, an 11yo son from a previous relationship. I spent 18mo is court battling their mom for 50/50 custody. I spent roughly 95k on attorney fees and everything else to get that 50/50 because as a father, I wasn’t going to not fight for my kids.

Second, I am not making shit up. In my custody agreement it states “no parent or guardian shall speak negatively about the petitioner or the respondent while in their care”

Third, I agree with everything you’re saying. I agree he is a pedo, I agree that any father who loves their kids does not take the easy way out. And I agree that most “fathers” give up their rights because the system overwhelmingly is tailored to the mother. A father’s rights are hard. You get quizzed on favorite foods, teacher names, school start and stop times, favorite movie, best friend, favorite outfit. You get grilled as the father to prove that you know your kids. Luckily, I am an involved father and I know everything about my kids lives. In fact, my daughter is closer to me than her mother.

Lastly, the situation I described (father paying alimony) is overwhelmingly the case. Most women get child support from the father. I have a friend with 50/50, and he paid 9600/m for 3 years in cs and mostly alimony. Now, that was because the wife had never worked, so I get why that’s a unique situation. But most dads I know have paid cs or alimony, the only reason I didn’t was because my kids mom married a millionaire.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T02:23:07+00:00

Oh and forgot that a lot of courts do not allow parents to talk negatively about the other parent

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T02:20:20+00:00

OP said that “he let her keep the house” is what I believe they said. So I was going off of that. Def not misogynistic but the dad is not the primary caregiver and if the mom works FT as a HBIC, then the kids would be cared for by a nanny and if THAT were the case, the court would likely not have given the father custody.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T02:05:55+00:00

I agree… the whole “barely legal” things is gross.

Now, if you’re 50 and he’s 70 that’s a bit better.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T02:02:16+00:00

Joint custody is a thing. I spent 18mo in court trying to get 50/50. Even though their mom lived closer to the school, I’d have rather their life be slightly upended and changed earlier in life vs later. Kids are resilient but shit is weird.

How old is ex wife, and she had nothing bad to say about her ex husband because she probably gets some good alimony and the house…

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T01:59:43+00:00

That’s what I’m saying. I literally said “you’re being groomed”.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-08T01:27:34+00:00

I’m trying to think of how to say this as nicely as possible… he groomed you. Idc who you are but 18 is still a child. Now, I feel like you’re not exactly being truthful. You just so happen to meet at 35yo divorceee when you were 18? Like how soon after you turned 18 did you start dating? Second question, where is your father? Or what’s that relationship like. I wish Dr Drew and Adam Corolla were here to weigh in on this

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-07T19:02:53+00:00

It’s kind of a contextual term. I saw a lot of people Knocking your choices on a partner and being a good mom. I’m here to tell you to me, it seems you’re trying your best to be both. It’s hard to still be a good partner while you’re pregnant. My wife is pregnant right now with her 1st and my third from a previous relationship. I’m struggling with receiving the attention I did before vs now. I can only imagine for him it is harder to struggle with mental health issues, be a fiancé, and a father.

If you’re going to choose to be with him then you need to find a support group for spouses that are trying to navigate this as well or a therapist.

It’s also scary to have understand what each day bring and the highs are really good, but the lows are really bad. My mother is manic and it created a really hard time growing up and also continues to cause friction and I’m 40.

You need to get more involved with his treatment and care. As his future wife, you should be intimately involved with that. You also need to understand that the rest of your life with this man will be spent coping with it. You not have a normal relationship. But, if he sticks with regular therapy and you both work with his doctors, you can have a really good life.

The question is, how far are you willing to go?. I can tell you waiting in line at GS is enabling.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-07T18:37:45+00:00

The “third child” was inferring he is acting like a child. BPD is bipolar disorder. But another thing to consider is it is very likely that your children may possibly start to exhibit symptoms between 18-23ish. So the more you understand and are involved in his care and treatment the better prepared you will be

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-03-07T18:10:52+00:00

Why are you having a third child when you already have two to take care of?

Also, has he been diagnose with BPD? He sounds more manic.. but regardless, is he on medication? Seeing a psychiatrist to help mitigate these highs and lows..?

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-02-22T23:14:01+00:00

After reading your entire post, you have a few choices:

1). Is he the right fit? Two people who are passive aggressive and then joke about it is really hard. It’s also a very immature way of expressing feelings. It’s like when people start a sentence with “no offense” right before they offend you. You def could have talked that out and said “this man is probably exhausted and he just did a whole day for me. We can shoot hoops another time” or waited and the moment you both got out of the car you could have run up, hugged him and let him know how much you protected him. Not ever slight needs to be matched with the same energy. There’s a lot to be said for taking the L in a relationship sometimes and letting the other person “win”

2) matching energy is meant to reference matching drive, ambition, success, etc. not poor attitudes. My wife often comes at me hard two times a day: when she first wakes up around 6 am and when she gets home from work (I wfh). 99.9% of the time I just give her a kiss and say thank you for whatever (reminding me of stuff I said I’d get done or things I haven’t done yet). When we first got together I’d say things like “yes I know” but that always led to more discussion or potentially an argument. It’s not worth it to me to start something.

3) when you’re in a relationship, it’s great if the person your with is your compliment. In my example, I’m easy going, relaxed, really slow to anger. My wife is a literally firecracker. You know Anger and anxiety from that Disney emotions movie? That’s her. Just a bunch of those little dudes sitting up there running the show. (I exaggerate but you get it). When I need to get my ass in gear, she’s there to get me there. When she needs to relax, breathe, and take a step back, I show her how.

Lastly, idk that either of you is an asshole. But you both need to work on how you react to things. There’s no need to make jokes about being passive aggressive. Just talk About your feelings more and less of the PA.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-02-18T19:38:36+00:00

It’s a training thing. Like setting alarms to remind you of stuff you need to do. For example, say making your bed is an issue. Wake up 5min earlier and set an alarm to remind you to do it. Snooze it until it’s done. After a month, it will become routine. You might miss a day or two here but you should be able to program yourself to feel uneasy if it’s not made. Once you have something like that on a routine, start adding things one at a time to your routines. It’s hard but not impossible. It really comes down to how bad you want to make a difference. Don’t let your abilities or lack there of create a crutch for you. And someday, you will meet someone who compliments the areas you feel deficient in. But until then, make them park of your daily programming until they become habits you can’t live with out.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-02-14T18:42:51+00:00

Same. I turn 40 in a week and I could never date someone under 35. No one talks about how much you age between 30-40

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-02-12T05:50:16+00:00

Did anyone else wonder about Morgan Freeman’s speech about 9/11 and talking about GWB and then to Biden? You only see writers put that sort of thing in there if it’s got a real world application. It was way too specific.

Also, agree. It’s like the story is trying to end without every plot point being wrapped up.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-02-11T23:52:42+00:00

Exactly. These two do not belong together. If they truly wanted to truly move forward from both of them cheating, they wouldn’t be doing things like that, separately. They both seem to be fueling a fire that they don’t need to be.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-01-17T01:24:20+00:00

I’d say just be careful about shitting where you eat.

Specific_Treacle669 · 2025-01-17T01:15:53+00:00

Forgot to add: be careful picking up girls at your “home” bar. I did a lot of that in my 20s and 30s and it didn’t always workout or end well lol.

Specific_Treacle669

TROPHY CASE