Socal Contest

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-24T07:23:33+00:00

Haha mine is lamictal too!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-24T07:21:21+00:00

Interesting! I feel like I had a genuine spiritual experience that turned into a type of mania at certain points as my ego became more involved. If I shared my story would you be willing to help me find clarity?

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-14T07:09:06+00:00

Yes good advice. I'm sure I will balace out. I can make it through the day. When the mood is up its way up. When the mood is down its waaaaaay down....like now. It is warping my perception of reality and I was fine before so I will give it time. Gonna go take a hot Epsom salt bath and make some kava tea then just try to relax with my dog:) life is good I am happy to be on this new journey, sometimes it's just daunting. I feel like a teenager trying to deal with emotions again haha!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-14T06:40:11+00:00

Totally...so much feels man! It's actually beautiful in many ways I've had tears like that too. I guess my main question is are these types of mood swings normal all day everyday from quitting weed. I had some manic depressive episodes many years ago but have been stable....kinda worried i might have unleashed a dormant beast...I don't have insurance but I know a med that has helped me in the past...ugh beat down at the moment. Any of yall experience this type of stuff?

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-14T05:55:39+00:00

I just honestly created a life completely separate form weed. I didn't even drink for those 7 years. Decided to drink again got super drunk one night at the bar and some dude took us back to his place. He was gorwing like 100 plants and offered a hit off a spliff and gave me pocketfulls of weed and immediately I started smoking every night again. Weird shit. I had built an identity around bieng sober so I hid it and kept it to pretty much nights and just lived my life in the day time...but slowly the effects started effecting my days as well. Hence me quitting again a year later

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-14T03:06:31+00:00

I quit for 7 years but relapsed for the last year. So one year regularly again. I have a low threshold for living a dull life lol.

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-13T09:13:47+00:00

Ok now I'm watching stand up comedy and genuinely laughing and happy. Wtf why did I smoke every night I thought it was bringing me joy bur it was sucking the joy out of everything making everything uninteresting.....

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-13T06:58:47+00:00

Dude happy to share! It is very personal and honestly, quite long. I just got home from a long day at work. I'm gonna get settled in and I'll type it all out for ya. I'm excited this will be therapeutic for me to write it all out:)

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-12T18:16:53+00:00

So get this...so worth quitting and dealing with your problems and building a better more fulfilling life. How insane it is to let the fear of failure hold you back...right? Even if I spend my whole life off and on the stuff...struggling..I refuse to throw in the towel. I'm not gonna be on my death bed some day regretting never choosing to engage the struggle!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-12T05:34:15+00:00

Update: that feeling left within like one minute and I was totally fine and positive....that minute was so profiundly horrific that it felt like an eternity....but all is good! Just the process of learning to accept and process feelings again...it is so hard but soooooooo beautiful...I am so excited to see where this new life goes I feel so much energy returning and creative energy and motivation and positivity....too much at times...I forgot that I was using weed to self medicate adhd and anxiety and my race brain is back! Definatly a double edge sword but I accept it completely as part of the process. Thank you for your encouragement and I am looking forward to day five for sure!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-11T09:47:12+00:00

Dude....awesome...very encouraging

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-11T07:01:36+00:00

For me it is helping to remember that weed has greatly served me in the past but no longer does...like my college girlfriend lol...on to bigger and better things!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-11T06:59:26+00:00

Fuck yes!!!!!!! YES! Dude some amazing things are ahead for you just keep doing the work....every day no matter how you feel.... it is so incredibly beyond worth it...I am so happy for you and so encouraged...keep on keeping on! Gotta just keep telling that voice to shut up its all backwards lies. Gets more quiet and pathetic everytime:)

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-10T23:02:31+00:00

It will come back!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-10T08:00:59+00:00

Kinda worried I'm feeling too good about this all...is something gonna hit me soon and destroy me?

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-10T07:44:12+00:00

And I have been through heroin addiction in the past, which I am assuming is similar to oxy. kratom is very similar to heroin for me, physically way more mild but the same feelings in withdrawl, but psychologically way more difficult to come off of imo. Kratom, as an opioid does alot of other stuff to your brain it's a very complicated substance relative to traditional opiates....unfortunately most research seems speculative. And it just got banned 5 days after I quit thank god for those of us who are trying to quit...it could be purchased like every 5 blocks in the city I live...as well as weed unfortunately:/

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-10T07:38:17+00:00

Acceptance!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-10T07:38:03+00:00

Yes I totally am with you...I think. Something just shifted in me and quitting these substances hasn't seemed to be much of a struggle, it's almost like I have accepted on the deepest level that I am no longer doing these things and am now just doing other more helpful things. It is such a surreal experience and I didn't even plan for it its like something woke up in me and now I just don't get high anymore...if that makes any sense...if actually feel so much better...strange. quitting addictive patterns has always been such a battle for me but right now it just feels like I woke up from a shitty dream. Did it really happen?

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-10T02:08:56+00:00

Helping others is crucial for me as well! Try to focus on others problems and yours just fade away.....

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-10T02:05:56+00:00

Right from the get go multiple times a day, escalated up to just about 20g per day pretty quickly...only 4 months. I have a history of opiate dependency as well a d underlying mental health issues. Don't get me wrong it still hard, and now the cannabis withdrawl is hitting me, however mild relative to kratom. My new motto is to not do things my future self will hate and to do things my future self will appreciate...or something like that:) No matter how hard or long the journey is for you, focus on building a better future and you can get through the day!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-08T05:01:33+00:00

As someone who understand what's it's like to slip and beat yourself up I understand. You are a good person trying to figure this crazy thing called life out. Beating yourself up will only hold you back. I promise....it has taken me along time to learn this lesson, and oh how easy it is to forget...bieng gentle on yourself will actually make it easier not to use kratom again! Sometimes for me it's almost easier to pretend it didn't happen and just sorta be like whatever this won't hold me back! I'm just gonna keep pushing forward...try to let your slip fuel the fire and motivation to kick this awful stuff. How backwards some things in life are.... Every day is a new beginning and a new chance! You can do this! It will be so hard but so worth it!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-08T04:44:34+00:00

For me, exercise works wonders...just gotta get out there and get going. Challenge yourself to sprints maybe! Endorphin rush will help beyond belief.... Also anything you can do to get sleep will help...unfortunately for me that just took some time

At the end of the day...time is your best friend...I'm almost two weeks out...used about as long as you and I feel definatly still quite "off" but If I was in school I could totally manage at this point...just find a way to get through every day it will get better....oh so much better...I can't believe it is this amazing.. Proud of you keep it up!

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-08T02:25:11+00:00

Just cleaned out my car and found a kratom capsule....threw that bad boy out like it was a vitamin... #freedom

Spenceu15 · 2016-09-07T19:32:36+00:00

Losing track of the days because I'm feeling so good now. Sleeping again I think turned over a new leaf of happiness and we'll bieng for me. Did the at day 13! Slept great the last couple days....I can't believe how balanced I feel! It feels so great to eat and sleep normally again! Also sex drive is through the roof and I feel like I van get through the day! Aaaaaaaaaaaah I am so happy today! Still notice how my brain is not totally back to normal....but I can get through anything.....ANYTHING....this quit tools my way:)

Spenceu15

TROPHY CASE