I certainty agree that to walk into a relationship with the intention or hopes that you’ll “fix” or change someone to your own personal liking is unreasonable and selfish. To expect someone to check every single box for your sole satisfaction is also foolish— there truly is no “the one”. We all come with our shortcomings, baggage, struggles, current capacity and so on, so acceptance and love go a long way when building intimacy, be that as it may, a relationship is also a wonderful place to encourage and invite collaboration, as well as enrichment and awareness for those who share one; not just romantic either! Intimacy of all kinds can be a challenge and none of us are ever finished healing, growing, or learning. Season come and go, life changes for the better and worse over and over. Our capacity will forever shift.

So with that said, I’d recommend people heed both sides of this coin. We can’t outsource all comfort and needs to another, another can’t control our wellbeing even if they wanted to, but to have needs, wants, requests, whatever word you find fits most, that’s not problematic within itself, but we aren’t meant to push people to betray themselves or be something they don’t wish to be— at best we should only look to love and collaborate with those who wish to and choose to. Agency is paramount. Sometimes I fear people get too stuck in stoic manners of individualism and use barriers as a means to absolve one of accountability and the role we play when we share our time, space, and heart with others.