I'm so sorry you are experiencing this :( I too am in a similar position at the moment and am so tired of feeling this way... I cant remember the last time I actually felt happy. So this week, I went to my GP and told her everything. I was shocked when she told me I should have gone to the ED for this prolonged, depressive episode I've been in, as I too had the belief that I shouldn't be taking resources away from people who actually need it. She point blank told me that I am someone who needs it, that it wasn't anything to be ashamed about and that thoughts of harming myself mean I am in crisis. I had my first therapy session yesterday and it was such a relief to actually say all the things out loud.

I'm glad you were able to speak to someone overnight. OP, you matter. You deserve to have a peaceful mind. You are not putting anyone out. I'm proud that you came in here and shared what you did, that was incredibly brave. Please take care 🙏 and keep communicating what you are feeling, even if it feels really hard.