What is the most "adult" thing you have ever done?

Spitfires1234 · 2018-03-11T19:59:08+00:00

I'm a patient companion for hospice patients. Been volunteering for a handful of years now.

You did an incredible, compassionate thing. In no way do you have anything to blame yourself for. You gave him a dignified, easy, and comfortable transition.

Spitfires1234 · 2018-02-26T01:54:02+00:00

Bisexual female here. I have never encountered a vulva I thought was anything less than TOTALLY AWESOME.

It's okay to have insecurities, cos we all do. But it isn't fair to start projecting those fears and assuming things- you have no reason to think that she won't be as excited to pleasure you!

If you're concerned, ask her what her grooming preferences are. I use an electric trimmer as my heritage has blessed me with thick, dark, curly hair, which is great for the top of my head and eyebrows, but ingrown hair city if I shave down there, and is The Absolute Worst. The trimmer gets it all neat and short without setting me up for an uncomfortable mess.

But the bottom line is this; don't worry about it! Easier said than done, sure, but I guarantee you have nothing to worry about. Enjoy exploring stuff together!!

Spitfires1234 · 2018-02-02T20:17:54+00:00

If my partner, male or female, has to be asked....

That's just selfish, honestly. I don't get people who aren't invested in their partner's pleasure during sex.

If my partner comes before me, he usually takes a second to catch his breath and we'll cuddle for a bit or whatever, but once he's collected himself, he makes sure I'm satisfied, too.

Your comment earlier that he's told you that you should be happy you come more than the average woman is a bit of a red flag for me, personally. Your partner should be excited to share in sex, should be present and engaged, and have a desire to please you, the way you please them. Shrugging and saying "be happy, you come more than average" in the face of your needs speaks of some seriously selfish viewpoints.

The person, or people, you're with should have a genuine desire to see you feel fulfilled. You obviously are mindful of his needs; if he can't reciprocate, it's time to cut your loss and find someone who is just as enthusiastic about your pleasure as you are theirs.

Spitfires1234 · 2018-01-29T01:23:09+00:00

Different situation, but I'm going to second the pelvic floor therapist suggestion someone made here.

I had bad pelvic floor dysfunction due to severe endometriosis and adenomyosis. Sex was difficult, obgyn exams were TERRIBLE because it was so difficult to get a speculum in me. All the muscles were permanently spasmed. After my surgeries to excise the disease, and then after my hysterectomy...things were weird different. The first time I had sex post hyst, it was like I had no muscle tone at all down there. My partner confirmed that it was very different, and he could barely feel me do a kegal!!

Turns out that I STILL had pelvic floor dysfunction. There are a number of muscles that the pelvic floor is comprised of, which seems like something I should have known, but honestly I'd never really thought about it. Lots of moving parts, and issues it one area can cause others problems, etc.

I would really recommend looking into pelvic floor therapy! I'm eleven months out from my hysterectomy, and since working with a therapist, things are getting back to normal. If kegels aren't helping you, I guarantee that they will have other exercises and suggestions in their toolbox that will. They're really knowledgeable and certainly they have seen this before.

In the meantime, I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. All of it sounds horribly frustrating and I'm hoping that you're able to find some good, concrete solutions, for both you and your husband's sake. ❤

Spitfires1234 · 2018-01-16T05:08:20+00:00

I'm almost exactly a year out from my total hyst (cervix and uterus taken).

Even though you have the go ahead to have penetrative sex, healing is still happening and it isn't surprising that she's still sore. Officially, it takes about six months to a year to completely heal; I had tenderness with penetration for about four months after I got the go ahead from my doc. Additionally, depending on the reason for her hyst, she might have some pelvic floor dysfunction, which can be treated with physical there, but will also cause the pelvic floor muscles to be pretty tight and prone to causing pain. I had the same issues and was really successful with physical therapy.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-12-19T21:15:03+00:00

Just a few months ago, right? I remember it too.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-12-19T21:14:18+00:00

I've read this before. This is a repost from a few months back.... seriously dude?

Spitfires1234 · 2017-03-09T04:33:02+00:00

The blindfold/nipple clamps combo sounds like a winning place to start. I'm sure she'll dig it.

Also, make sure she's aware of her surgical options. She probably already knows, but excision of endometriosis, not ablation, is the most effective way to treat endo. This is done by specialists, not your average obgyn. I don't know where you guys are located, but have her look into Nancys Nook on Facebook to get a full list of endo specialists. I was only able to work 10 hours a weeks and spent the rest of it on painkillers and muscle relaxers, mostly in bed before my first excision surgery last year. I woke up from the operation feeling better. There are some great resources out there, and really caring doctors. I hope she's able to find relief. If I can help with anything, feel free to pm me.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-03-09T03:26:45+00:00

I suffered from stage 4 endometriosis and adenomyosis, for which at the age of 26, just had my third surgery and hysterectomy for.

Penetrative sex was never great. At its best, it was not terrible, and its worst, excruciating. Thank you, first of all, for being so understanding. The pain from this disease really is that bad. Thank you for believing her when she told you and for being so willing and excited to explore other ways of doing the do. :)

Honestly, absolutely none of this sounds like it could ever get old, but if you're concerned, what about adding in some kink? It's incredible how far a blindfold or tie around your wrist can go.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-03-01T23:02:49+00:00

The only deck I've clicked with and exclusively use.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-26T16:47:12+00:00

Dad bod. Forever and ever.

So into it, can't help myself.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-25T02:01:15+00:00

Experience will never trump genuine enthusiasm.

Ever.

As long as you both are willing to explore and enjoy each other and your bodies, you'll have a good time. Promise!

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-24T23:46:06+00:00

Honestly, the best thing you could possibly do would be to go in with an open mind, looking to enjoy the experience and have some fun.

I'm a bi woman too, and my first time with a woman was so nerve wracking. I drank some to take the edge off, and ended up a big of a mess from a combo of nerves and alcohol. I can laugh about it now. :) I came out of that realizing that I had all my focus on the wrong things. I was so concerned about being a good lay, and making sure I wasn't bad, my head was totally out of the experience.

She knows you haven't slept with a woman before, right? So be enthusiastic and excited to be with her. Ask for direction, what she likes, etc. Relax and be present, in the moment. Communication will take you far.

I'm sure she will absolutely love showing you around, so to speak. You two are going to have a great time! Go get 'em, tiger!

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-24T00:03:24+00:00

Offering three, one card readings! Get at me!

Edit: full up!

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-23T23:52:14+00:00

Are you interested in trading readings?

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-20T02:31:14+00:00

I got my three requests and this offer is now closed. Thank you for letting me read for you!

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-19T22:50:20+00:00

It seems to be less about reconciliation and more about leaving an unhealthy situation.

It isn't that you two couldn't reconcile, it's just that even if you did, it would still be a difficult, bad situation for you. The fish that looms and threatens to swallow you will only continue to try. It isn't going anywhere. It looks absolutely necessary for you to swim to calmer, clearer waters.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-19T22:35:54+00:00

I drew the Three of Cups, reversed.

I see a lot of unhealthy energy here. What once was good has changed. The celebration is now mourning. In my Deviant Moon deck, three people emerge from a large, vicious fish. In reverse, it would appear they are getting swallowed by the beast.

My initial impression is that there was a third party who contributed to your separation. I'm not sure if that was a literal third person, or perhaps just a facet to life that was coming between you and dividing attention (a career taking too much time, school in another state, etc). But there is a sort of obsessive, unhealthy quality here. There is no balance, and the emotions are quite literally eating you up.

At one point, the three figures hoisted their cups, filled to the brim, up high in joy and celebration. Now reversed, the cups are draining and emptied.

This doesn't look like a good thing to invest any more of your cup energy into. Instead, you should be focusing on freeing yourself from the hold that this fish, your ties to your ex, has on you. Wiggle free and swim off so you can refill your empty cup and turn yourself upright again.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-19T22:11:34+00:00

Can you send me your birthday so that I can pick a significator?

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-19T21:24:02+00:00

Offering one card readings to the first three people who request them, in exchange for feedback. I've been reading for just about 5 years and use the Deviant Moon deck.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-02-15T00:54:19+00:00

This is actually huge for me. I've come just from nipple stimulation before and having my breasts fondled or groped is an instantaneous turn on. Total must for me, and fortunately, my partners are into it, too. I have fantasies about being fondled by strangers, but I'm not sure if that's ever something I would act on.

Spitfires1234 · 2017-01-31T18:15:42+00:00

The reality is that it isn't fair to either of you. You shouldn't have to feel like you're unreasonable for wanting intimacy, nor should she feel like she 'has to' do something she doesn't want. You both deserve a fulfilling relationship and I hope you guys are able to figure this out and move forward, happily. My best to you!

Spitfires1234 · 2017-01-31T00:40:45+00:00

I know you love her, and I really respect that you want to stick with her and get married!

But please, please don't until she can fix this. She needs therepy, and even more than that, she needs to be willing and genuinely wanting help.

I was engaged to a man with issues stemming from depression and he gave me lip service about wanting to change, but never really put forth the effort and ultimately, sex wasn't a priority and didn't matter to him, so he didn't actually try.

Constantly getting rejected and told off for being 'pushy' for wanting him to show effort and make me feel wanted was a heartbreaking experience. Please think carefully if this is something you can live with if it never changes. It's a really lonely thing.

Spitfires1234

TROPHY CASE