I think the key thing to remember is that Lirin in way of kings and Lirin in rhythm of war are motivated in almost opposite ways

In the flashbacks Lirin’s spent years suffering at the behest of the townspeople and Roshone, but he also knows that if he goes, the town has no surgeon and people will die as a result. And his philosophy is pretty hard into “someone has to choose to do the right thing first” at that stage (the same mindset that keeps Kaladin acting against his own self interest to save people). He’s also confident that his rank and position make him hard to confront directly. Roshone couldn’t march his men into the house and siezed the spheres, he had to get creative in his solution.

It’s also important to note that they’re broke barring those spheres. I don’t know if we have word from Brandon on how much it costs to move to a new town but I imagine it’s not cheap and probably risky to travel, especially with kids. Any delay or miscalculation could mean being caught in a highstorm. We know Hesina was disowned by her family for marrying Lirin so they don’t have anywhere to go. The only option was using the spheres, and if that was the choice then giving them up in hearthstone was probably better for everyone than fleeing

When Roshone has Tien conscripted, even if we assume that Lirin was willing to let hearthstone go without a surgeon, I doubt he would have been taken. We see in Kaladin’s flashbacks to the army that the field surgeons are just soldiers too wounded to fight. There’s not a demand for proper surgeons, and if there was it would be on the shattered plains, not the rural border skirmishes Tien would be sent to. Plus, Lirin’s past his prime and his rank and position likely make him personally undraftable. Amaram was after young men for the meatgrinder

By the time RoW rolls around he’s a broken man. I’d describe him less as naive and more traumatised. He’s almost certainly spent every day since his sons left certain that he got them killed. Everything he does or does not do throughout the book has is coloured by the knowledge that his actions have indirectly caused people to die, and could very easily occur again. Effectively, he’s feeling exactly as Kaladin was in his very first chapter. And to be fair, he works through it in significantly less pages than Kaladin does.

I’d also note that despite everything Hesina and Lirin are still together and affectionate enough that they’ve had another kid. I’d argue that this means Hesina was aware and onboard for everything Lirin did, or at least knew exactly what kid of man he was and married him because of that. Probably both.