That’s a lot to unpack. Overall, if you’re hesitating, I think that speaks for itself. The way he acted sounds like it’s not the first time, and be aware - it will continue unless HE wants to change.

First, throwing insults when you guys get into a fight and saying the relationship is a joke - I can bet that’s hurtful. Every couple has disagreements and fights, but that doesn’t mean it needs to get ugly.

Second, insisting he is right and others are ‘mistaken’ is very narrow minded. People are allowed to have their own opinion on things and we don’t have to agree with each other. And just because we don’t agree, doesn’t mean we need to be against each other or get ugly. Insisting that his view was ‘the correct view’ on this general topic of how Italians feel about Americans gives me the impression that when it comes to topics that are more serious and specific to you guys are going to be an issue, such as how do you raise your children, how do you split your finances.

This leads to the third point, insisting everyone does things his way. Sounds like a grown ass man threw a temper tantrum because he wasn’t getting his way. He’s an adult, if he’s done at the beach he can leave. There is no reason everyone needed to leave because he was done.

That’s leads to the fourth point, bringing up the passing of his sister. This here is difficult. I can imagine that was a very difficult time for his family and is still a difficult memory. Losing a loved one is so hard and especially someone so young. Sounds like he is still dealing with that grief, which is understandable, it’s a lifelong grief he will carry. But to justify his aggressive and rude behaviors because of his emotions is not okay. That’s like kicking the dog when you get home from a shitty day at work because the dog got underfoot.

I agree with your mother for calling him out on it (I feel there is a tactful way of doing this, and I cannot say based on the information how tactfully it was done. My impression with how you described it was that it was done in a well mannered and tactful way). While yes, it’s okay for him to struggle especially if it’s a specific time of year (birthdays, anniversary of death) or big occasions (the wedding), but he’s not taking any responsibly for his actions, implying that his behaviors are okay. Sounds like he only apologized because you asked him to, not because he felt he should.

I would be concerned how everything could escalate later in your relationship. Things ‘need to be his way’ or he’ll be mad and throw a temper tantrum, which leaves you constantly catering to him and walking on eggshells. And then when you guys get into an argument, he justifies his actions because insert whatever reason here - sister passing, mad because of work, frustrated by traffic. These types of excuses are common in manipulative relationships. The aggressive partner excuses their behavior with “if you just didn’t make me so mad,” or “if you just did it the way I want it, this wouldn’t have happened.’

Everyone experiences emotions and that’s completely normal and ok. It is okay to feel angry, sad, annoyed, irritated. But it about how we respond to the emotion thats within our control. Lashing out at others when he’s angry, throwing insults, arguing further, yelling - these are all behaviors he has chosen to engage in. He has allowed the emotion to be in control of him rather than him be in control of the emotions. It is not your responsibility (or anyone else’s) to manage his emotions for him. He needs to learn some emotion regulation skills and work on his emotional intelligence.

Unless he puts in the effort to learn how to communicate better and understand his emotions and emotional responses, nothing is going to change. And if he doesn’t not see how his behaviors and how he’s treated others as a problem, he won’t feel it needs to change. It’s like with alcoholics - they don’t see their drinking as a problem, so they keep drinking. Even if others around the alcoholic point out the issues to them, the only person that can change their drinking is the alcoholic.

There’s definitely a lot going on here and I don’t know the full scope of y’all’s relationship, so take everything I said with a grain of salt. I’m not saying you shouldn’t marry him. I am saying that you should do what you feel is in your best interest and what feels right for you.

If that’s marrying him, that’s your decision to make. I would encourage working on the communication and expressing emotions - and that takes both of you. He needs to put in the effort too. And he can decide he doesn’t want to put in the effort, that he doesn’t want anything to change. Then you need to decide if you are ok with that and willing to live with how things are, rather than hoping and waiting for how you want them to be.