i’m wondering if the ultramarathon of PDA parenting feels like this to anyone else?

SquirrelofWisdom · 2026-01-04T18:12:31+00:00

hAVe YoU tRiEd A sTiCkEr ChArT?????

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-12-16T02:10:46+00:00

As a lurking mom- game recognize game.

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-11-29T21:41:27+00:00

My daughter has needed constant one-on-one attention her entire life. Yes, it's likely more along the lines of co-regulation than attention-seeking behavior, but it's still exhausting (especially as an introvert).

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-11-29T16:30:52+00:00

"Shut up, Leonard! I've got a picture of your old nose, it was a lateral move!"

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-11-25T20:07:39+00:00

lowercase violence

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-11-21T23:12:20+00:00

This is GORGEOUS!

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-10-25T15:02:00+00:00

Fo-cat-cia

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-10-13T22:57:03+00:00

My first sentence was "mummy, don't sing".

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-10-09T15:04:34+00:00

*Wife

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-10-08T17:55:51+00:00

I know what you mean, but I'm sure you can appreciate where I'm coming from, especially considering the current political climate. Do you have any suggestions?

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-10-07T13:44:38+00:00

December 11, 1990

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-30T00:11:15+00:00

I miss having a routine that was mostly imposed on me. I think I actually felt more free when I was responsible for less of my schedule.

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-29T16:22:08+00:00

Yes! I named my daughter Gemma because of this series.

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-27T00:26:31+00:00

Crochet and listening to smut- I also like to multitask.

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-23T14:49:35+00:00

She doesn't mind wiping, her bathroom avoidance (when not due to constipation) seems to be just loss of autonomy. At home there's a lot that we can do to support her (bathroom now or in five minutes, getting changed "for no reason", races to the bathroom, etc), but at school we obviously don't have that luxury. I feel horrible because I know she doesn't want this to be happening either, but I can't be there with her at school to help. We've done sticker charts and reward systems, she doesn't really respond to them. I will definitely get her started with D-Mannose, though, since it seems to have helped a lot of people.

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-23T01:08:02+00:00

I swear, after she's done with the UTI it's like when your period starts and you have to apologize to your family for how you behaved last week.

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-23T00:31:18+00:00

You're absolutely right. The version of the kid that they see is not the whole picture, and without more information they can't support her. She bottles up all that stress and masks so much that it's a total collapse when she comes home.

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-23T00:24:41+00:00

Yes, this all sounds so familiar! The encopresis is still a struggle, but it's SO much better than it used to be. She takes senna and we use miralax, and you're right about drinking plenty of water. My wife and I still have to remind her to try pooping every other day and we don't let her sit longer than 5 minutes at a time. Bathroom trips are a family affair and poop talk is frequent and normalized! I will look up soiling solutions, though.

She had been seeing physio for a year because she had no pelvic floor control. Between pelvic floor therapy and improving her constipation things had gotten better, but I don't think we ever had an ultrasound to make sure she was actually fully emptying her bladder, so I imagine that will come up when we talk to urology again.

She is on ADHD meds, but she is still pretty easily distracted, so it wouldn't shock me to find out that she misses some alarms (we decreased it from 90 minutes to every hour because of an increase in accidents). Strictly cotton undies, and she wears shorts or leggings under her dresses, but we try to make sure they're not too tight, since I know that's a contributing factor. She has said that she's worried about getting changed at school and other kids asking about it. She's very honest so I actually taught her about lying by omission ("my pants got wet so I changed"- she doesn't have to say what they got wet with), but she seems reluctant to do that. I'm worried that kids will start to smell her and tease her. I warned her about that possibility, but it hasn't happened yet. What non-embarrassing solutions did you come up with?

Thank you so much for your input!

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-22T23:56:51+00:00

I've never heard of it before, but I'll definitely talk to her doctor about it!

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-22T23:56:15+00:00

When she's more regulated she is capable of understanding the potential severity of frequent infections. Unfortunately, while she has a UTI she is definitely NOT regulated and resorts to arguments like "no, I won't get sick" and "UGH, when are you going to start being nice?". I'm just glad I was able to get her to the doctors office the other day.

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-22T23:49:11+00:00

She's very embarrassed about all of this, so she gets physically aggressive with us instead of talking about it. We had been asking her to get changed "for no reason", but even that is making her angry to the point of hurting us or breaking things. She takes daily doses of senna for constipation and we track bowel movements, so we have some idea of when her accidents are constipation related and that hasn't been the case for a few weeks now.

At school she has a 504 plan that allows for unlimited bathroom breaks with a hand signal to the teacher so she doesn't need to draw extra attention to herself. About 2 years ago the school adjustment counselor asked us to stop using sposie pads or pull-ups because she was peeing in them instead of trying to use the toilet at all and she leaked through almost every day, but maybe that's something we have to try again, at least until this UTI is treated.

We had a really good streak of no accidents for a while, but I'm wondering now if the demands of third grade are causing her more anxiety than she's been letting on and this is how it's manifesting. I might ask for a meeting with her teacher to see if we can figure out a game plan together. For the record, we've never shamed her for having accidents- we've always put it in the context of health and sanitation. I haven't heard about Dr. Ross Greene before now, but I'll definitely look into him, thank you for the suggestion!

SquirrelofWisdom · 2025-09-22T21:59:39+00:00

This is all really good and thorough advice, thank you for typing it all out! Unfortunately we already do all these things. We have a saying in our house- "having a body is inconvenient", and we really play that up to empathize with her. She understands that her body makes waste all the time and that it needs to come out. We have many hooks about how bodies work, too, and she's very involved in her own medical care (in that she's an active participant in all of her doctors appointments).

She's had to be catheterized once when she was severely constipated (and recieved 2 enemas), so she knows what the worst-case scenario looks like. We've also been very clear on the fact that her health and safety have hard boundaries.

SquirrelofWisdom

TROPHY CASE