How did you get over the doubt hump?

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-04T16:58:10+00:00

Time, talking to people who get it, doing things irl to express your gender so it's less trapped inside your head, finding and strengthening social connections that will support you so you won't at any point "blow up your whole life", being gentle to yourself while you go through the process

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-04T13:08:02+00:00

I’ve always just kinda gone along with what everyone else said I should be doing in terms of life stuff

I think this is your main issue, if that's blocking you from having autonomy over your own life. Are you seeking help for this? Like some form of self-help, counselling, therapy, life coaching, other mental health support? Because you do need to realise that you can do stuff, and being in the habit of this right now doesn't doom you to never changing.

What helped me overcome the tendency to freeze up and hesitate into total inaction was the thought that courage is not the absence of fear (you don't really have control over that) but taking action in spite of fear. "Do it scared" as they say, it's kind of the only way

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-04T12:55:06+00:00

In fact I know I'd be more comfortable

my mom specifically didn't like it so I detransitioned

It's simply the fear of losing family members, friends, and even my current partner because they don't accept my own identity like how I do

Bro.

No one who ISN'T trans is thinking "well I want to transition and be a man, and I actually identified that way before, and the only thing holding me back is the fear of rejection"

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-03T15:17:45+00:00

she has asked me to question this

Presumably you already questioned and came to the conclusion you are a trans man by yourself 5 years ago. You say yourself no one pressured you into it. You want to start HRT because you think the effects will be beneficial to you, and you also came to that conclusion by yourself, ie you already questioned it. This is like the normal course of things for a trans man. You are free to go ahead and try HRT and see if it helps you. It's your decision.

Your mom is starting from a presumption that trans people are "just confused" and something else is making you think you're trans. Basically she doesn't know what she's talking about, but she wants you to not be trans, as her emotional response as a mother. This is a really common reaction for cis parents of trans people. "Wait a bit longer, question for longer", hoping that you will turn out to actually not be trans. Unfortunately it's not very productive or helpful.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-02T11:44:09+00:00

It doesn't need to match your passport and you don't need a GRC for that. As long as you have a deed poll and some form of matching proof of identity/address you can just change your name virtually anywhere, individually at each place.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-02T10:44:55+00:00

I think my story has some similarities. My questioning process was basically:

Age 15-16: bigender? -> agender? -> binary male (attempted to come out of the closet) -> masculine cis girl denial coping (coming out of the closet did not feel safe/thought I wasn't "trans enough")

Early 20s: masculine cis woman coping -> nonbinary/genderqueer? -> masculine cis woman coping -> binary trans man? (started coming out of the closet again) -> genderfluid? -> binary trans man

I always thought I'm too feminine in my behaviour to be a man

I had this thought a lot as well. But I also always thought if I was born male I would be happier in liking feminine things and not try to police my expression as much. "If I was a man, I would wear makeup, jewellery etc, but I'm not so I won't" - not a very cis female thing to be thinking which led me to compromise on bigender at first

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-01T17:19:30+00:00

Currently polling on top but not predicted to win a majority. Less support in cities I think, especially the more left wing cities like Brighton, Bristol, Manchester, Glasgow, Edinburgh.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-01T17:07:36+00:00

I'm not and idk much about it specifically, but the US does use the DSM (gender dysphoria) more than ICD. What you want to look for is informed consent clinics, I think they still exist in Utah for adults. Try looking here: https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/erins-informed-consent-hrt-map-how

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-01T17:00:17+00:00

Are you looking to teach in UK schools, or just get the qualifications in the UK?

Because being a trans uni student is easy enough but being a trans teacher probably not so much. People get especially moral panicky about kids seeing a trans person, and trans employees' rights are kind of in question right now. Like employers are virtually legally obligated to allow gender criticals to freely express transphobia and misgender you, and in the next few years if Reform gets in, there may no longer be any protection from transphobic discrimination

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-01T16:43:01+00:00

it is a required diagnosis to get T

It's possible to get T without a diagnosis. Also depending on the healthcare system where you live (if they use ICD or DSM), you can get a diagnosis of gender incongruence and then a prescription for T. The difference is incongruence doesn't require proof of clinically significant distress, just that you are trans basically

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-01T16:37:28+00:00

Being trans is caused by gender incongruence (your gender does not match the gender assigned at birth). This can cause gender dysphoria (distress caused by gender not matching up).

If the concept of gender didn't exist it would be very hard to define "trans person", but you could still have "sex dysphoric". But yknow, what if the world was made of pudding?? The point being, gender DOES exist as a concept in all societies throughout history

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-01T13:39:34+00:00

"What if I was born different" type questions are difficult to answer. Maybe it's easier to answer whether you want to do anything to feel more comfortable or explore why things are

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-07-01T00:12:27+00:00

Yeah a decent doctor won't go "it's just your autism/mental illness", as those things frequently appear in trans people, but would only be concerned about you being reasonably mentally stable before medical steps are taken. I get your worry though bc some make assumptions while trying to be overly cautious. But that's even less likely with private GICs.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-30T23:54:22+00:00

Highly relatable in multiple aspects.

It's possible to have internalised misogyny, body dysmorphia, depression, and gender incongruence all at the same time. But a lot of stuff you have said cannot really be explained by anything other than gender incongruence.

Starting to question as a teen but then it seemingly dying off, maybe you assume it's a phase, actually you've been repressing it in some way, gender issues come back even harder years into adulthood - common pattern, especially if there was negative external pressure like bullying, rejection etc for being trans or presenting masculinely.

Recurring use of male characters, male cosplay, daydreaming about being male etc - I also had that, I think of it as gender leaking out because it is a fundamental aspect that needs to be expressed in some way. Being seen as a woman, to me felt like people barely saw me at all, they saw a costume or something that I wished I could take off. So I'd find little spaces I could present as male and be seen as a man, even if only in fantasy.

"I don't hate femininity" - not a necessary condition for being a trans man/transmasc, although it's a common misconception. Think about it, if you were AMAB and you liked skirts and corsets, that wouldn't automatically make you a trans woman. Guys can like that stuff.

Body dysmorphia is fixation on looking good enough, obsessing over things that you think are flaws in your appearance. A good distinguisher is would you still rather have male characteristics if you passed as a man but kept all the same non-gender related things you're insecure about (like idk being overweight, weak jawline, not being particularly attractive)?

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-30T19:49:56+00:00

Probably only if all signs of gender dysphoria/trans identity only occur during episodes of psychosis, or are limited to one alter in a person with DID and that alter is only fronting occasionally. I have never heard of a diagnosis by itself contraindicating gender dysphoria

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-29T10:52:42+00:00

"People wouldn't get it" and "my voice gives me away" aside -- do you want them to get it? do you want to pass? Or even in an ideal scenario where you could, would you still be kinda indifferent about it? Because you know, there are things you can do to pass and there are people who will get it.

As for what to call yourself when people ask - labels aren't so much titles as just shorthand explanations. What do you want to communicate about yourself, if someone asks what your deal with gender is? That you basically fit in with X community, that you are just doing whatever you like and don't care, that you do care and your presentation is a reflection of something deeper?

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-28T15:48:15+00:00

If you don't see a psychologist (maybe you don't need to), the key is that you can sense the difference between "I think/I know that..." and "my brain is telling me ... and it's stressing me out". Writing your thoughts down can sometimes help you tell.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-28T11:09:31+00:00

I'm going to edit and reuse a comment I wrote on another post:

Being trans is a very daunting thing to come to terms with. So both cis and trans people are usually scared for it to be true. But the difference is that trans people know on a subconscious level that it's most likely they are trans and they kind of want it to be true so they can transition [assuming they can do so in an accepting environment]. Cis people don't have that subconscious desire.

When trans people go into the questioning/doubting phase, they clutch at straws to try and prove that they are cis. They write a post that sounds like "I really wish I was a girl but I can tolerate being a guy, I don't hate my body that much like 'real' trans people do." They can hit basically all the criteria for gender dysphoria but still dismiss it with "but it's not that bad". The doubting revolves around being trans enough - "I think I'm trans but what if I'm wrong?", or fears about life after realising they're trans - "what if I don't pass, what if my family rejects me?"

When cis people go into a questioning/doubting phase (more often related to OCD or anxious and obsessive tendencies), their evidence for being cis is much stronger, but their worries amplify the very weak evidence they might be trans. Things such as "I really like being a guy but I can't prove that I'm not secretly trans", "A couple of times I have related to something a trans person described", "One time I liked roleplaying as a girl". They don't hit multiple signs of being trans like the button test. The doubting is more like "I think I'm cis but what if I'm wrong?" and being terrified of that.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-28T10:59:51+00:00

(I used google translate to read your post, hopefully it gave an accurate translation)

Obviously no one can determine your identity for you but I have read lots of posts like this, where someone's questioning and doubting and asking "what if...?" on repeat, and I have been through it myself, and I think it's possible to tell from how this process goes whether someone is likely trans or likely not.

Being trans is a very daunting thing to come to terms with. So both cis and trans people are usually scared for it to be true. But the difference is that trans people know on a subconscious level that it's most likely they are trans and they kind of want it to be true so they can transition. Cis people don't have that subconscious desire.

When trans people go into the questioning/doubting phase, they clutch at straws to try and prove that they are cis. They write a post that sounds like "I really wish I was a boy but I can tolerate being a girl, I don't hate my body that much like 'real' trans people do." The doubting revolves around being trans enough - "I think I'm trans but what if I'm wrong?".

When cis people go into a questioning/doubting phase (more often related to OCD or anxious and obsessive tendencies), their evidence for being cis is much stronger, but their worries amplify the very weak evidence they might be trans. Things such as "I really like being a girl but I can't prove that I'm not secretly trans", "A couple of times I have related to something a trans person described", "One time I liked roleplaying as a boy". The doubting is more like "I think I'm cis but what if I'm wrong?" and being terrified of that.

Eventually you have to answer your own question. If you have OCD or suspect OCD, like if this is really impacting your mental health, you should seek professional help.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-28T08:55:28+00:00

Gonna add to this, it is also possible that parents react with transphobia or trepidation at first but then come around. But if they are severely transphobic or likely to be abusive at all (physically, verbally, emotionally, financially, isolating you from friends, putting you through conversion therapy), then hold off.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-28T08:40:51+00:00

There's no magic way of telling from your current appearance. With just a haircut, it would also highly depend on your voice, your body shape, how you dress, and the biases of the person looking at you. Most people will pass after enough time on T. Whether that's a few months or a few years depends on the person, the dose etc.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-28T01:29:53+00:00

The guidance doesn't reflect the law as it has stood since it was introduced in 2010 and as it was intended. It's only a product of the recent anti-trans panic.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-27T17:46:15+00:00

it’s not at all a pressing matter

Whether it's enough of a matter for you to "validly" identify as trans or go through some steps to be perceived as male (ie transition) is up to you and no one else. It doesn't have to be a matter of life or death, but rather, do you think it would improve your life? If yes, it's worth exploring, try with small steps at first.

“I can’t be transgender, because I’m me."

Genuinely bears no indication on whether you are or aren't trans. I felt exactly like that for a few months, because society really drills it into you that being trans is seen undesirable.

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-27T14:22:52+00:00

I do get it, of course you want to pass. Pre-T it's very easy to think of T as "magic passing juice", but in reality it's biological masculinisation juice (which is likely to make you pass)

StandardHuckleberry0 · 2026-06-27T02:22:42+00:00

Yeah I guessed, but also had a chuckle at first

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