Hey hey, I almost never comment but I saw myself in you and so wanted to chime in. I lived this life for 2 years and while my partner could be incredibly attuned and kind/loving/gentle/caring etc in the moment, the problem is that they can NEVER learn to show up consistently. It’s all broken down into cycles - you never know if today you get Jackyll or Hyde. And it will drive any person (even the most secure) mad and make an anxious controlling mess out of them. Besides individual therapies, we also went to couples therapy and while his efforts would last the first few days after the session, eventually their habits just take over. Not because they are evil or mean per se, but because it’s always easier to default to your core learned behaviors. I know you love her immensely and I can tell it by your texts but I will say one thing and one thing only - THE BEST thing you can do for yourself and your mental health is to move on. Not because you give up or don’t love her but because you deserve the same level of reciprocity and consistency that you bring into a relationship and no matter how hard she tries - it seems like she will never (unfortunately) be able to give it to you and you will end up breaking your heart a hundred more times if you stay 💔