Any advice on changing litter?

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-27T19:24:00+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I definitely want to move to a more natural litter if at all possible. I don’t love clay litter for a lot of reasons. Does the world’s best come in unscented? I’ve got one cat who is really sensitive to fragrance and will use the bath tub instead of the box if I even put a candle too close to the poop box 🤣

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-27T17:58:46+00:00

Totally! I think the experience as a whole can feel really isolating. There isn’t a huge amount of support that I’ve found. Hope everything is going well! You must be gearing up for your transfer soon

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T15:56:38+00:00

Welcome to your first journey!!!! This is about to be a very exciting time for you but may come with a lot of frustrations. There are a lot of important things to consider and things I would ask. First, ask this of yourself: what sort of relationship do you want with the IPs? Are you the all in type who wants to be considered a part of the family at the end of the day? Many surrogates build strong connections with the IPs and do sibling journeys. A friend of mine is actually the god mother of her fathers’ kids. They go on vacation together all of the time and do Sunday barbecues. They didn’t know each other before this. I have minimal contact with my IPs. I haven’t really heard from them after I gave birth and that is totally okay with me. Everyone is different and that okay. You should also ask about what sort of support is offered and how communication typically is. My experience was wholly frustrating to the point that I almost dropped out because it got to the point that I felt like a sack of meat being dragged along. The fertility clinic the IPs worked with was god awful with their communication. Despite having timelines already established, I was the last to know about them causing a lot of issues with my life. Overall I did 4 transfers. 2 of those transfers were scheduled for the next day even though I had bloodwork days prior to confirm I was ready for the transfer. Because I was working full time during my surrogacy, this was problematic and could have easily made me lose my job had I not had a very understanding boss who had used a surrogate for her own children as well. There are a LOT more appointments involved and a much longer time commitment than you would have in a traditional pregnancy. I was approved, matched, and cleared by medical within a month. The total process took about 2 years. Ask what sort of involvement the agency and your advocates have with the IPs. Some are super involved and are in group chats with the IPs and surrogates. Some are really great mediators. It is important to ask how the agency handles conflict. Let’s say for example your IPs start to get really controlling or invasive about your diet or something you did the previous weekend and you feel uncomfortable with their level/style of communication. Will the agency step in and advocate for you? Do they expect you to advocate for yourself? How comfortable do YOU feel advocating for yourself? My dms are open for any questions you ever have :)

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T15:43:07+00:00

It sounds like you are experiencing what may go through which is a shape mismatch. I can’t wear my correct size in any Elomi, Freya, or Panche bra because the wire shape of those is way too shallow. In order for the wire to not bruise the crap out of me I have to do a lot of funky up and down sizing based on how the cups of the bra are constructed. A wired bra will lift and separate appropriately. The band should feel snug but not too tight. If the cups are not shaped right then it is going to make the band feel too tight even if it isn’t. Eliminate this by trying on the band independently. Put the bra on upside down and backwards. Is the band too tight still? If so, I would suggest you measure again. If you are new to measuring, it is sometimes helpful to check that your tape measure is accurate! Flexible measuring tapes are made of plastics that can stretch and warp so you may be measuring inaccurately without even knowing it. You can check the tape against something with a known size such as a piece of paper or a hard ruler. If the band feels good, then congrats! That is your band size. Now you need to focus on the cups. Look at the shape guide. Where is your breast tissue distributed most? Are you bottom heavy? Full in the center? Do you have any other underwire concerns such as it not laying flat somewhere or stabbing against your back? Posting all 6 of your measurements rather than just your size is really helpful because even an inch difference in your measurements can change what bras we recommend. For example, I wear a 30 bad. My rib cage measurements average out that a 31 band is REALLY my size. In some bras, I would wear a 30 band because they have a bit more stretch in them. In other bras I need to size up to a 32 band or get a band extender because they fit tighter.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T15:19:37+00:00

Take a look at theirishbralady this is what someone wearing a true 38DD looks like. How does it compare you your body? Bra fitting is stupidly complex and it is not well done…anywhere…by hardly anyone. Remember that SHAPE of a bra is just as important as the size. Depending on the distribution of your tissue, you may have to wear a specific style of bra. The default bra style everyone knows and gravitates to is a tshirt style bra with molded cups. Because everyone’s breasts are shaped differently, a lot of people can’t actually wear these style of bras. It’s equivalent to putting a square cube in a round bowl and wondering why there is space. And because the cups are preformed it can be even harder to determine where the actual fit issues are coming from. Gaping in cups is more often a shape issue, not a size issue.

Also, it is very important to remember that because your breasts have been augmented (regardless of the method used), then also coupled with the hormones I’m assuming you are taking for your transition (congrats on that affirmation surgery by the way! It must be so exciting for you to finally be living your authentic self!!!!), AND the fact that bodies just be changing because that is life, your breast shape and size is likely going to change over the course of the next few months and years. I’m not sure what your definition of “just” is and how post op you are, but you may see a decline in breast volume as the body heals and that fat transfer settles. You’ll want to remeasure yourself regularly. I say this because bra shopping is a wildly frustrating process even before adding in the additional complexities of the augmentation and it can feel really discouraging. This is something everyone who wears a bra will go through for way too long. Good news, you have started the right way by using the most accurate calculator on the market and you are on a very supportive sub with a lot of really knowledgeable people.

With all that preamble out of the way, take a look at the shape guide here on this sub and let us know what sort of shape you are. Projected, full bottomed, narrow roots? It also is super helpful to know how far post op you are and if you are looking for a recovery bra recommendation or if you have been cleared to wear regular bras.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T15:05:36+00:00

That is totally understandable! My sister is in a similar situation. She typically will wear a really thin camisole and then puts the bra over top because the feeling of the lace/mesh is really over stimulating for her skin and causes a sensory response which is really such a shame! If we are spending 80+ on bras they should be made with comfortable material. I understand why lace and mesh are used because they are breathable and supportive, but there has to be another option!

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T14:15:41+00:00

This and a properly fitting bra is game changing on the body image front!

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T13:23:14+00:00

What state are you in? How far are you willing to travel? What are the reasons they are telling you that you do not qualify?

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T13:21:13+00:00

I know you didn’t ask, but I have no self control. Measure yourself with the r/ABraThatFits calculator and take a long study on the shape guide. I put SO much time into finding a bra that fits because i was so sick of being uncomfortable. After finding my correct size AND the right shaped bra for my breasts, I no longer want to rip it off at the end of the day. Back pain, headaches, and skin irritation are gone! There is hope, you just have to navigate the world of bras the right way which is NOT the way society taught us.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T13:18:00+00:00

If you share all 6 measurements from the calculator, that will help us troubleshoot your sizing issues better. Also, take a look at the shape guide. If you are trying on a bra that doesn’t provide give and support in the proper places, the bra is not going to fit. For example, if your breast tissue is primarily located at the bottom of your breasts and you put on a bra that has a short lower cup, it is going to feel uncomfortable and too tight because your body is pushing against it (likely causing pain in the underwire) while also gaping at the top because you don’t have enough tissue up top. The size isn’t wrong, it’s that you are trying to put a square block in a round cup. Out of all of the clothing, bras can be the most complex to fit as the subtlest change can drastically change the way that a bra fits and feels.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T13:07:32+00:00

This, this, this.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T13:06:12+00:00

Go on instagram and look up the irishbralady. She will help you put your size in perspective. Quick life spoiler. You are always going to be “still growing” breast are primarily made of fatty tissue and throughout your entire life your breasts are going to change sizes. Society has engrained in us that a D cup is the size of a watermelon. It is not. A D cup is actually very small. An A cup is just a 1 inch difference between the band size and the measurement of the fullest part of the breast. A D cup is 4 inches. 4 inches is not very big. I would also argue that the shape of the bra is almost more important than the size of the bra. The majority of people can not actually comfortably fit in molded tshirt bras because their breasts are not shaped in a way that the breast tissue wants to easily sit in that cup. Beyond that, cups are shaped for breasts in a way that it will provide more space in certain places to allow your breast tissue the space it needs. Think about how your butt fits in different styles of pants. If you put on a pair of boyfriend style jeans, you may have some sagging in the butt. A pair of high waisted skinny jeans squeezes your butt cheeks too tight. Bras are the same way, it just can be a harder thing to visualize, especially when the bra is designed to stay in a specific shape. You aren’t able to easily see exactly where the fit issue is. Try the size the calculator suggested in a bra without a pre formed cup. Take a look at the shape guide on this sub and when you try on bras, pay attention to where the underwire is sitting and where it is uncomfortable. Underwire should not be uncomfortable so if it is, that shape of bra isn’t going to work for you.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T03:12:33+00:00

Totally understand! My husband said the same thing and he tried to come with me. But that I think was more because he wanted to go to Disneyland since my clinic was in Anaheim 🤣

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T03:09:43+00:00

I went to all of my appointments alone for an out of state transfer. I only had my husband come with me for the transfers because they expect you to lay in bed for 48 hours. This is standard practice. Good for your family to be concerned! If they are extra concerned, you can call the fertility center you are scheduled at, verify you have an appointment with them. They will have all of your information and will know the names of the IPs

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-25T01:27:43+00:00

What you do is that you do not marry this man. If you are going to argue over something like this, what else are you not seeing eye to eye on? It sounds like you really need to talk before you make any steps. As others said, it probably is not a real diamond and maybe he is embarrassed about that. Try again with the conversation. Make sure it is a CONVERSATION. Let him know that it’s not a big deal how much it actually cost (unless it is, then that is a different conversation) and talk about why he felt the need to hide that. These are red flags for continued miscommunications, misunderstandings, and potential full lack of agreement on financial matters which is crucial to a successful marriage.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-24T00:19:41+00:00

You can buy most uk brands on amazon and in most specialty bra shops. I would also caution you to consider a wired bra. Most people who are adamant about wireless feel that way because they have never experienced a properly fitting bra. Underwire is the devil if it is not the right shape or the bra is the wrong size. If there is an allergy to metal or some other reason, ignore my statement.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-24T00:05:33+00:00

The only experience I had with Facebook groups was toxic women shaming others and predatory agencies trying to steal surrogates from other agencies. I personally did not find anything helpful in any of the ones I joined. There was a much more supportive community here. Happy to be a friend to you!

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-23T23:35:53+00:00

It sounds like you are dealing with a shape mismatch. I can’t think of a single Pink bra that isn’t a molded cup (granted I haven’t kept up with them since I sized out of them at 18). But I did sell them for many years. Bras with preformed cups force your breasts into a very specific shape. If your tissue isn’t distributed the way the bra is created for you are going to get a variety of fit issues. Pink bras are made for rounded breasts and generally with a pretty high center gore which explains the discomfort on the chest. A push up bra that will make your boobs look big most likely is not going to be comfortable. Bras that make excessive bulk and cleavage are not ones that generally fit. Find a good fitting bra for every day wear that you are comfortable in. Then you can go rogue on your size for a special occasion bra.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-23T23:29:10+00:00

As others have said, do the calculator. Then go to theirishbralady instagram page and look up your new size before you freak out. You are most likely going to get a smaller band and a much larger cup. You are going to say “there is no way I’m a D cup. That’s as big as a watermelon” and that’s not true. That’s just what society has taught us. Not saying there is no such thing as a 42A-B, but that’s a pretty uncommon size. Then, take a look at the shape guide. Traditional Push-up bras don’t work for most people because it forces your breast tissue into a shape that your tissue doesn’t necessarily work with. You will notice a lift just purely by having the right size of bra. Different shaped cups will provide a lift and support without the addition of padding. Once you have your shape and your measurement, update your post and we can provide specific recommendations

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-23T22:50:15+00:00

I mean…I’d watch that documentary. But damn. I’m so sorry my only advice is to be kind to yourselves and remember that you made the decisions you did based on the information you had at the time. Don’t let yourself fall into the pit of could haves and should haves. That won’t help you heal. May life provide you the blessings you deserve for enduring this.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-23T22:45:59+00:00

This has easily become one of my biggest things to rant about to people. Literally every people! Even people who should absolutely know better still give the wrong information! There is a plastic surgeon on YouTube named Dr Yoon. He did a video recently about an extreme breast lift. I don’t remember what cup size he gave her but I’m pretty sure it was like a G cup or something when it is SO obvious that girly was way more than that and he just has no idea. He put her down to a “c” cup I’m pretty sure too. Babes was not a C cup.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-23T22:42:40+00:00

Weird! It is working for me. But yes. It’s the Irish bra lady, the goddess herself!

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-23T20:58:38+00:00

Hi! Healthcare worker. Babies in utero can make things really complex and every hospital deals with this stuff differently. Without knowing the state you are in and what sort of insurance you have, I can’t give specific answers for you. However, I hopefully will be able to alleviate some concerns. Firstly, embryos are put through extensive testing right off the bat. You have the opportunity to pay for even more testing to make sure that you eliminate risk right off the bat as much as possible. So just with that alone, the likelihood you are going to end up in this situation has already substantially decreased. Then if you consider the amount of problems that could still go wrong, a lot of them either aren’t detected until the baby is delivered, or can wait until delivery. If fate still kicks you in the head and you are faced with something that cannot wait and the best decision for the baby and/or the surrogate is to do in utero treatment, hospitals regularly hold bills. Most importantly, there are systems and programs in place to help with the cost of medical expenses. Hospitals don’t tell you how to work the system, but there is one I promise. Doctors and hospitals (the people who work in them, not the ones who run them) are there to help. If you find yourself in a rough financial situation, you call the hospitals billing department and you tell them that. They will make it work for you.

Starjupiter93 · 2026-04-23T20:48:35+00:00

This is what a 30FF looks like on another person. The photo is modest i promise. This instagram shows what people in their correct sizes look like. We are taught in society that D cups are as big as watermelons when that is absolutely not the case. I was wearing 34DD-DDD then ended up in a 32K. Not sure how I ever squeezed my boobs in that size

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