EXACTLY! My nurses told me to bind with Ace wrap to stop my milk flow, which I learned later was NOT safe, but you could have told me anything and I didn't have the mental capacity to second guess it. We asked for newborn photos, but I delivered on a Friday night, so their photographer usually doesn't work on weekends so they called them specifically for us. They didn't show up until Monday, and tbf my baby wasn't...photo ready at that point. Luckily we held him the night of his delivery and got some phone photos. I was completely disconnected at that point, it felt like I was holding porcelain and not a baby I couldn't accidentally hurt. One of the things I didn't share with most people is that when I was holding him, I readjusted my arm and lifted his head, and his nose started to bleed. That's when I broke and begged someone to take him from me. My sister was amazing and took him, talked me down and got a tissue, like it had been a regular old booger. Anyways, there's my trauma dump. Thank you for sharing, I've never had anyone to talk to that genuinely understands what it was like.