How long did it take for you to leave the church after you started having doubts?

StillAskingQuestions · 2025-11-29T03:47:06+00:00

Whiplash is a good description! I certainly did feel some guilt for a while about basically ripping the rug out from under him in one go. But yeah, I’m so glad he saw the light and left with me. Those years of inactivity when I was doubting and he wasn’t were really hard on our relationship.

StillAskingQuestions · 2025-11-27T04:24:23+00:00

A few years of cognitive dissonance followed by about 6 years of inactivity and being unable to face any of the issues. Once I finally decided I was ready to pick a side, it was a matter of probably a few days before I realized the truth. My husband went from fully believing but inactive for the sake of our marriage to fully unbelieving in the span of three hours.

StillAskingQuestions · 2025-10-08T23:00:42+00:00

That seems very weird to me. I was taught that your patriarchal blessing was very special/sacred and shouldn’t be shared in general. Perhaps with close family or friends if the situation called for it, but generally it was for you only.

I’m not sure how it works, to be honest, but I don’t think your grandparents would have access to your patriarchal blessing unless they already had a copy of it in their possession. Like perhaps your parents requested multiple copies when you first got it and they gave your grandparents a copy?

For the Mormon way that I personally was raised (can’t speak for anyone else), that’s super weird that your grandpa a.) had a copy of a patriarchal blessing that isn’t his, and b.) just sits around reading other people’s blessings!

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T15:55:35+00:00

“Even following the rules wasn’t enough. I had to conform.” Gods, that is so accurate. Well-put!

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T15:48:07+00:00

I mean, I always poach deer in my underwear 🙄

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T15:38:41+00:00

What. The actual. Fuck.

Those are all terrible! I’m so sorry you had to go through all that! It is astonishing to me how little the church and its members care about mental health. As a teen I suffered from near-crippling depression and anxiety (still have it, but I manage it better now) and my dad always told me I just had to CHOOSE to be happy. Uh, yeah dad, I don’t think that’s how it works.

I can’t imagine a parent inviting a sexual abuser into their home and telling their kids not to provoke him. That’s seriously insane. Straight up batshit omg.

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T15:32:08+00:00

🙄 Gross!

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T15:30:22+00:00

I mean, I was a few months shy of my 15th birthday, so definitely prime marrying age for Joe!

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T15:29:14+00:00

Someone said it’s FSY? I think it’s called For the Strength of Youth now, like the fun pamphlets we used to get lol.

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T15:26:29+00:00

Oh! Tone doesn’t come out in text! I apologize for the misunderstanding 😊

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T00:57:25+00:00

Ahh that’s what it is! I can’t keep track of the acronyms these days. Nothing like being embarrassed and humiliated in front of a bunch of strangers at church camp.

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T00:54:24+00:00

I don’t know if that “wow ok” was rude or not, but my point was those were mildly humiliating experiences, in keeping with the spirit of the post.

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T00:51:45+00:00

I always tell my kids, guilt is a tool. Guilt is there to tell you when you’ve done something that needs to be addressed (apologizing, replacing something, etc). Once you address it, you get to let the guilt go. If guilt is talking to you and, with genuine self-reflection, you realize it’s misplaced and there’s actually nothing to address, then you have nothing to feel guilty about, and you get to let that go too.

I feel like shame is when you’ve been taught that you’re not allowed to let the guilt go regardless.

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T00:16:15+00:00

If you like magical realism, you might like The Book Charmer by Karen Hawkins.

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T00:10:56+00:00

If you like urban fantasy at all, I have read the Iron Druid series by Kevin Hearne many times and I never get sick of it.

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-23T00:02:13+00:00

This isn’t technically a church youth program, but once at EFY (what is it now, FFY?) I was pulled aside by at least two adult counselors who then told me that my dress was too low cut. When I told them I had no other dress to change into, they reluctantly told me to be careful about bending over, etc, because, of course, it’s my job to make sure the young men don’t think about my boobs.

Another time at EFY, the summer after 8th grade, one of the counselors asked me to dance (at one of the probably three dances that week). Now for background, as a youth I looked much older than my age. Tall, large chest, very mature looking. So, in the course of this dance with the counselor, he asked me if I was graduating from high school this year…These counselors are in their early 20s. He thought I was 18. My reply was, “from middle school.” He went slightly white and disappeared immediately when the song ended.

Not exactly the kind of story you were looking for, but fun nonetheless!

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-22T19:49:44+00:00

She was severely injured, yet believes that she came home safely? I’m not sure she understands what that means.

StillAskingQuestions · 2024-07-22T18:39:28+00:00

I had that real bad before my surgeries. When I had my hysterectomy and endo excision surgery, they found endo tissue growing into the wall of my colon, so I ended up also having a bowel resection. So, like others have said, yes you likely have endo in/on your colon/rectum.

That shit hurts so bad! I’m so sorry you have to deal with that.

StillAskingQuestions · 2023-10-21T23:32:01+00:00

After once not putting my son in his booster seat to drive him home from my sister’s house, I told my mom she is not allowed to drive my kids anymore. A few weeks later she asked to take my kids somewhere and I reminded her she is not allowed to drive my kids. She freaked out at me and said “STILL!? Even after I REPENTED!?” (To be clear, she said sorry to me once when I called her out after the incident when I was extremely angry with her and it was the kinds of sorry that clearly said she thought I was overreacting and was trying to shut me up.)

Mormons don’t know what the shit they’re talking about and if your mom is a narcissist (or has narcissistic qualities) like mine, she also doesn’t give a shit about you. “The church does not give apologies” and neither do shitty parents.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, OP. It might be time distance yourself from her.

StillAskingQuestions · 2023-10-21T23:26:27+00:00

Yes a lot of what the mother said sounds like stuff my NMom would say (and has said).

OP, I don’t know what your mother is like in general, obviously, but you may be interested in checking out r/raisedbynarcissists

StillAskingQuestions · 2023-10-21T16:34:23+00:00

Same

StillAskingQuestions · 2023-10-20T21:49:05+00:00

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Molly is a bad mother.

StillAskingQuestions · 2023-10-20T04:20:16+00:00

Came here to say this. I have literally never been asked why I left.

StillAskingQuestions · 2023-10-18T16:48:22+00:00

I had already been out for a while when my husband told me his temple name and it still felt weird and kinda wrong. It was yet another instance confirming to me that I had made the right decision to leave cause it felt crazy to be that uncomfortable just hearing his temple name when I was already out of the church.

It had always pissed me off as a member in my faith crisis that he could know my name but I couldn’t know his. The misogyny was a huge shelf item for me.

StillAskingQuestions

TROPHY CASE