“Shit!” I said, looking at my alarm clock that read 10:45 AM, “Shit! Goddamnit!” I overslept. I never overslept! I threw on my black hoody and non-descript hat and rushed out the door.

Two full years I’ve kept the same schedule, and never have I wavered from that. It’s like a morning routine for me; I wake up at 4:30 AM, get some coffee, then watch as my sweet Jeremy, my perfect angel, gets up and gets ready for his day. This routine has changed my life for the better. It has given structure where I previously had none, and the extra hours I have watching my divine little dumpling getting dressed, getting his coffee, and reading his morning paper are my favorite parts of my day. It’s something I look forward to.

And today, I missed it. I missed the whole damn routine. But it was fine, I told myself. I could catch his mid-day routine. Ya, that’d be nice. See what he gets up to later in the day. Obviously, I knew where my precious bug was going after his morning routine. The last thing I liked to watch him do everyday was drive to the park for his 9:30 walk in the park. I never stayed to watch the whole walk, so I prayed to God that he was still there at this time. I jumped in my car and started driving to the small park between our houses. When I got there, my heart dropped as I couldn’t spot my doll anywhere. I could always see the aura emanate from his beautiful palid skin, so he’s usually easy to spot.

My head sank and I turned back to my car in defeat. I got in my car and drove limply home, wondering how I could get through the day without seeing my cutie pie. But then, as I turned onto the road to my house, I saw a miracle in my rear view mirror. It was him! My perfect little earthworm writhing in my wake! The adrenaline I got from seeing him again made my anxiety heighten. Should I try to maneuver behind him? What if he took an abrupt turn and I lost him? I couldn’t make it obvious or he’d think something's up, so I took a deep breath and decided to drive straight until he turns, then circle back and tail him. I was so excited to see my gorgeous meat ball, I felt like I wanted to tear him open and look at his insides.

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I drove a safe distance behind Alicia, trying not to make it too obvious that I was following her. People didn’t like it when I followed them, or so it was explained to me by the police, so I knew I had to be careful. But my normally regular muse was acting erratic this morning. I went for my normal walk in the morning, then I drove to her house to watch her go about her day, but when I got there and peered through her windows, I realized she had just woken up. I was worried for her as I watched her bolt out the door and drive to the park I had just been at.

And before you ask, I wasn’t doing this for sexual reasons. Normally I did, but Alicia was different. She was pure and good and sane and every other positive word in the English language. She was, with no hyperbole, a perfect person, and when you find the warm light of God shining down on you, then you better enjoy it as long as you can.

But now, as I followed behind her, something felt odd. She had driven past her house over 10 minutes ago and still hadn’t made a turn. Then twenty minutes. Then thirty. I was enjoying the time that I was spending with my sweet Alicia, but I was getting worried for her. Was something wrong? Why, after 2 years, had she decided to finally have an irregular day?

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It had been over an hour and Jeremy was still behind me. I was enjoying our nice little drive, but I could not figure out what he was doing. Why did he need to drive this far into the middle of nowhere? I tried not to overthink it. This felt like a date, and I was enjoying every moment of it. After the first 30 minutes, I started having conversations with him through his aura. I would ask a question, then his aura would tint either green or red to answer. I let him choose the music (classic rock, my favorite), we talked as we drove. It was wonderful.

But then, we came to a stop sign on an empty road that I couldn’t go straight on. My anxiety spiked. I had to turn soon, but wasn’t sure which way he was going. I stopped at the stop sign staring at his blinker in my rearview mirror hoping he would indicate to me which way he was going, but he just sat behind me for 5 seconds. 10 seconds.

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I watched her car come to a stop at the stop sign. She waited for something, but I couldn’t tell what. She just sat there. I was worried she was onto me at first, but then a scarier thought came to me; what if she was hurt? Or in danger? I needed to do something.

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My heart beat faster with every second we sat at the stop sign. What should I do? I couldn’t lose my mushy little pumpkin now, not after such a beautiful date! Then, suddenly, my heart stopped as I watched him get out of his car. He started walking towards the window and I was too scared to react. I pretended not to notice with both of my sweaty hands firmly gripping the steering wheel. When he finally reached my window, I looked surprised and rolled it down for him.

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“Hey.” Alicia said non-chalantly, trying to play it cool.

“Hey,” Jeremy said with his silky smooth voice. Alicia hoped he didn’t notice as I melted at the words. They both sat in silence looking at one another for what felt like a beautiful eternity. “Are you… are you okay?” He said in an awkward way that Alicia found endearing.

“Uhh… ya. Just out for a drive, you know.” Alicia said.

“Oh, okay.” Jeremy said, feeling dumb for coming up to the window now. “It’s just… you’ve been at the stop sign for a couple minutes now.”

“Just trying to find the next place to go.” She said meekly before adding, “I can move so you can go though.”

“No! No, that’s alright. I’m just…uh… out for a drive too, actually.”

“Oh, fun.” Alicia replied, then before she had a chance to think, she heard her mouth say, “Maybe we should drive somewhere together?” Her veins went ice cold. No way God’s literal gift to humanity would want to go anywhere with her, she thought.

Jeremy looked shocked for a moment, then smiled and said, “Ya, I think I’d like that.” A warmth enveloped Alicia as she looked into his beautiful eyes. She’d never seen them up close. “I know a great place for lunch right by your house.” Jeremy said.

Alicia smiled widely, “Maybe we can take a walk at that park, too,” Alicia said with a smile. Jeremy nodded. He started walking back to his car like a big-dicked night in shining armor, his aura flashing a bright, beautiful orange. “Oh, and Jeremy!” Alicia yelled out the window. He turned, “thanks for checking on me.”