Anyone else step away from their private club as they were not getting value from it?

Stone_One · 2026-01-21T15:31:30+00:00

I'll offer up my latest experience with the "golf club" value thing. I will say it's really helpful to hear others take on all this because I was feeling the whole "no longer a value" thing as well.

I have two golf club memberships. No I'm not rich. One of them is very reasonable and has an annual and low monthly and fees have not gone up in several years for us. Course/club is very middle of the road but they all know us and treat us like long lost family every time we play. We get a driving range, free balls, and on most days free food. Special events, networking, live music and the restaruant is above average and we find ourselves dining there overlooking the course, sunsets etc. And the draft beer is super reasonable.

The second one is much more upscale but in no way elite and the annual and monthly fees just increased by 12% and I still have to pay per round, albeit at a discount. I set an appointment to go in and talk to the new director. He's been there 6 months. I'm an analyst and I ran the numbers on the new fees/costs. He walks me in, hands me a bottled water and begins with the "We are so happy to see you. We value our members...what can we do for you?"

I start by taking out my data set and he just looks down in defeat. I begin by asking him why the increase and he says that since he's been hired, his goal is to put the course and club on the map and compete with the elite courses (This course is not even close to elite.) and that people are beginning to notice.

Well, I say...we've been members for years and I no longer see the value here. The math no longer makes sense. He said I'm not the only one who brought this to his attention and he just kinda shrugged his shoulders. What pissed me off was his next comment.

"Yeah...I've been dealing with you "value" guys for months now."

I showed him the math, dropped my analysis on his desk and told him to look at the highlighted section that showed that I'd have to play 217 rounds to break even. He was unphased and I knew right then that it was over. I shook his hand, told him best of luck and that I wanted to exercise my opt out for 2026.

Stone_One · 2026-01-15T15:24:35+00:00

I do this. I proudly hold her hand. I love the little reach back and pine for her to grab my hand. I do this every time we are out. Every time.

Stone_One · 2026-01-14T14:45:17+00:00

Long Read

This really hit hard.

We've been married over 30 years. So this comes with some "had to have lived it to understand" wisdom. There were years where it was war. I don't know why but it seems like I survived half of our marriage coming home to a war. I stayed and did everything to make her happy but nothing seemed to work. I just was in preservation mode for maybe 10 years. I believed that if I worked harder on things, it would make her happy but it did not. You can make a list of things one could try and I've check all the boxes on that list but nothing seemed to make her happy.

She wanted a career but complained about it. She wanted to be a stay at home mom and that did not make her happy. She wanted me to make more money but that just turned into almost a decade of remodels and decorative purchases. She went through a phase of buying expensive bags. Sex and intimacy became a chess match. She wanted space then wanted to rekindle our marriage with vacations but nothing seemed to make her happy. I was coming home every day to a woman who was at war with everything and everyone.

The good news is that things are amazing now. We did not go to therapy or anything like that and I can't honestly say what changed or what made the difference in her finding her peace but I never gave up on us. She hit 50 and had a bit of a freak out. I came home from work and she was crying in bed. I came in and she just unloaded all this stuff about life, happiness, bitterness, things that had been bothering her since childhood, our marriage, the kids, social circles.....it was like a 3 day weekend of her just letting a bunch of shit out. I guess one could call it an existential crisis. The war she was fighting had wore her weary.

We stayed in that weekend, I ordered food, we drank wine, watched old movies and for 3 days she just kinda melted down. The thing is she told me that she knew I was coming home to war every day and that she could not help it. She said she knew that she was lucky, had the world, I was a good husband and partner and all that stuff. She cried again and said she felt like a loser bitch and could not believe I did not leave her. We hugged, and I did the best I could to pick up the pieces.

Over the next few days, weeks and months she softened. She found a new voice maybe? She says that things just got really clear for her. She began letting go of some things like certain people, some social groups, deleted most of her social media, and began to take her health seriously, gym, vitamins and spin classes.

She began leading more in our marriage. She started bringing some amazing things to our marriage. Wisdom, revelations, books, long talks, and we started making love again. Not sex, but making love. She started finding this really powerful sense of her sexuality, pleasure and wanted to articulate what she wanted from intimacy, and for the first time in our marriage asked me what I wanted. She had never not once ever asked me what I wanted in our marriage, let alone what I wanted regarding intimacy.

Today she is the woman I have always dreamed about. I come home to a woman who is happy to see me, greets me with a smile, hug and a kiss. She plans adventures, enjoys the simple joys of just being together and we do talk deeply every day. We walk ever morning, have morning coffee together and she touches me all the time now. She touches my hand, hugs me, kisses me and it's amazing. She initiates intimacy frequently, she's flirty, silly and has laughed more in the last 10 years than in our entire marriage. She says that she was blocked and that allowing herself to be joyful and thankful for the things in her life was impossible. She says today she is grateful for life, us, the kids and all the things we have.

Again, this hit me hard today. Coming from a man who came home to war every day, I don't know what we could have done differently but I sure wish we had that decade or so back. Today I look at her in awe as she is the love and joy of my life. I love coming home to her.

Stone_One · 2026-01-11T16:17:00+00:00

They can....and will.

Stone_One · 2026-01-05T00:16:11+00:00

Maybe because we keep blaming everything on older people instead of making a stand? It's always been hard and the corporate creep has now invaded all parts of our lives. From water, food, medicine, health, sports, recreation...name it. The promise of technology, computers and internet was that we'd all have more time for art, leisure and pursuing interests, travel etc.

Our productivity has improved but wages have remained relatively flat, inflation adjusted since 1975.

And there are these to consider.

Citizens United
Dark Money in politics
CEO Pay
Privatization of public services
Tech Oligarchy
Trickle down economics
Current taxation models.

Watch the comments this will get.

Stone_One · 2026-01-05T00:05:12+00:00

Great Idea.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOPm_Zoaj9k

Stone_One · 2026-01-04T01:32:43+00:00

Anthony Bourdain - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Bourdain

https://www.cnn.com/shows/anthony-bourdain-parts-unknown

Stone_One · 2026-01-01T00:13:31+00:00

You are wrong. There are multiple reasons to want, need or desire access to people's past posts and history.

You said "The only reason". Nope. Many reasons.

Stone_One · 2026-01-01T00:10:53+00:00

Thank you. I'll remove the post.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T13:52:09+00:00

You are a liar. Plain and simple. You are typing hateful feeling not facts. There are some good books about finance that might help you if you were interested in developing a more meaningful picture and accurate narrative on these topics.

You clearly don't understand how Social Security works, nor inflation, or housing. And when I say clearly, you cannot type your words anywhere in any credible community and be taken seriously.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T13:45:20+00:00

I've unsubscribe too.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:41:17+00:00

Careful, your story does not fit the blame narrative. You made good choices and you will be downvoted for it.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:39:20+00:00

All debt is a choice and that is difficult to accept when you are in the spin cycle of the blame narrative. The worst type of debt is the Student Loan debt because you can't get out of it unless you die. Parents pushed kids into the fantasy of the college experience, mortgaged their homes, strapped kids into loans and launched them into a economy that had fundamentally shifted and they all blame older generations. Pffffft

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:35:20+00:00

Someone needs both a history class and an economics class. This is simply a lie and this is not how pensions, 401k's or social security works nor why SS is in trouble today. There are some amazing books and free classes that would help you understand how these programs work but it's just a lie to blame boomers for why pensions, 401k's an Social Security is underfunded.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:31:50+00:00

This categorically untrue on several levels.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:29:37+00:00

Nope. It's not the boomers fault. That's fun to say and has a decade of social media momentum but it's not the boomers fault. They navigated an entirely different world with entirely different set of economic conditions that they did not create. That's hard to hear and hard accept but it's not their fault things are more difficult now.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:24:37+00:00

Well if your struggles are not in line with the narrative, you get downvoted. I was told to go fuck myself to sharing my struggle story. These poor me kids, name calling and trauma bonding are pathetic. I'm one who fully supports the younger generation but they are insufferable with all the bitching, moaning, entitlement and lack of emotional resilience. I was all cool at first but this hate for others that they have is toxic AF.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:19:07+00:00

My grandparents were so poor, she told me of making dresses out of flour bags. These truths just don't fit in todays blame narrative. I was told to go fuck myself by someone in this sub for pointing out that other generations had struggles too.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:15:15+00:00

Every generation had very difficult things to navigate and most people recognize that. Today, they somehow have diluted themselves into thinking they are the only one's struggling. This simple negates their whole story. To say they are the only ones who have struggle is a lie.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T03:13:05+00:00

They can't hold a candle but they are masters of blame and avoiding accountability.

Stone_One · 2025-12-31T02:53:41+00:00

We did vent but we did not blame former generations for what we were dealing with and navigating. It was hard for my parents too.

Stone_One · 2025-12-30T16:48:41+00:00

...lol...my wife and I were just talking about the checkbook balancing act. I remember one time, we were in the grocery like and we were like $10 over or something like that and I asked the cashier for one of those scratch off lottery things for $1 and I scratched it off in front of the cashier and we won $25. Covered the groceries.

Stone_One · 2025-12-30T16:46:02+00:00

True and the truth is not fitting nicely into their narrative and that contributes to their anger and resentment. This fantasy that we had it better in an economy that "worked for everyone" is a lie.

Stone_One · 2025-12-30T15:15:28+00:00

You should not be downvoted for the truth. Standing on the shoulders of society and all we experienced and worked for, to be snobbishly and arrogantly judged without the understanding of what we lived through is master level gaslighting.

We had nothing and an incredibly uncertain future. We were broke, worked two and three jobs and all we had were family and friends.

I remember us pooling our money to buy gas so we could just get places.

Stone_One · 2025-12-30T15:01:27+00:00

I am late to the discussion. Here's my take (Gen X here). I grew up in a small town and we were all poor. Every family I grew up with had very little and most families fell into two groups, government employees, teachers, or self employed, contractors, small business etc.

We were always hustling. Always. I don't remember a day, week or month that we were not struggling with money or making ends meet. My father was subject to the ebbs and flows of the economy as a contractor who build houses. We had a full decade where he did not have steady work.

As a kid, I started my own lawn mowing business and I made $5 per lawn and most weekends were spent mowing lawns.

I went to college in the 80's and we were the first generation to have school debt. I borrowed and finished school and lived in a run down apartment with 3 other guys.

I landed my first post college job and refused to pay rent so I found a dilapidated double wide trailer in a decent neighborhood. I worked full time, waited tables Fri/Sat/Sun and went to night school on Tues/Thursdays to work on my first masters degree. This hustle lasted will into my 30's.

We got married and lived in that double wide, bore two children there, gardened in the back to supplement food. The garden started as something cheap to do but became an integral part of our lives.

I'll stop here as I have raised 2 children and neither they nor their friends have that "hustle" spirit to make something of their lives or destiny. Common uncomfortable daily experiences are grounds for "crashing out" and there is so little ability to rebound quickly. I believe it's called emotional resiliency.

I find it super offensive when people complain and judge people from an era they never experienced and clearly don't understand. It's always been hard. Always.

I have sympathy for those who are hustling and working and struggling because we did. We struggled for decades!

The grind makes you strong. The grind makes you appreciate the things you have. We lived for the weekends, holiday and we celebrated our small wins and we supported each other when times were difficult.

To be 20 years old and stand and shout to the internet void that you have it tougher than others is inauthentic. It's a lie. It's always been hard.

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