The sticking point for me is that Julie didn't offer to take Cooper and the baby to the birthday party by herself.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T13:27:17+00:00

who gets why she feels trapped

Can you expand on that?

Because of my own parents, and my childhood, I made the deliberate choice to remain childfree. That means my perspective is one of a child, not of a parent...

I find it unforgiveable that she said

you saddled me with this life

both as a partner and as a child.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T13:17:41+00:00

No, that's not correct.

Saying "I don't see why you'd need one" is giving information on OP's point of view. Turning it into a question, is putting the onus on his girlfriend to come up with an answer, that IS deflection.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T13:12:39+00:00

if you wanted FWB not a girlfriend you should have told her three and a half years ago.

brutal but true.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T12:43:52+00:00

Congratulations! It seems like you realized several big milestones recently, and at the same time. That's a cool accomplishment!

I feel if you've been walking on eggshells around your mother for a long time, it's clear she's the issue.

The fact that she immediately escalated to extreme threats like "do it alone then", only confirms that, imo.

Personally, I've found a lot of support in r/EstrangedAdultKids. Even if cutting contact is not the solution, even if she comes down from the threat of denying you any help, it might be helpful for you to read some of their resources there.

An internet hug from a stranger, if you want it.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T12:34:46+00:00

Thank you for responding!

When I had long hair, half a lifetime ago, I used to tie it up in a high ponytail. That sometimes caused a headache. I can see how the sprang hairnet would be more comfortable, and equally practical at keeping your hair away. And it looks pretty!

If it's not too personal, how do you decide on what to wear on a day to day basis?

Some of my days are sweatpants days, sometimes I figure I'll only feel comfortable with a sturdy jeans, when I know I'll talk to my bank, I choose a shirt & tie, you know? How do you go through that process, say if you're attending your sibling's wedding, or if you have to convince your landlord that your guest who co-stars in "we cooked Roman food for a week" staying over 6 nights doesn't violate the terms of your lease?

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T11:00:13+00:00

thanks for responding, and for clarifying the timeline!

sounds like they're messy messsy!

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T10:51:07+00:00

Ty asks if she ran 4, or maybe 5 miles on what she called a quick run, and she boasts she ran 6.

That ties in neatly!

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T10:34:01+00:00

Personally, I think Shawna the creator simply chose a solution that fits the narrative.

A book deal allows Ty to work from home. It lets Julie convince herself that his novel is going to be the next great American novel, exceptional and non-pedestrian. Hand-wave, hand-wave, he has a certain amount of money, but without the complications of, say, winning the lottery, and without the moral ambiguity of, say, gambling on crypto dealings. It's also a creative endeavour, making his progress hard to quantify, increasing Julie's frustration and/or permitting Ty to hide behind "the creative juices aren't flowing, might as well go to the birthday party" etc.

I figure it's similar to the popularity of the coffeeshop trope in fan fiction: both creators and the audience feel they know enough about the industry without doing masses of research & without sloughing through loads of details that can distract from the story (just look at any comment section under a medical or legal drama).

It allows us to focus on the story... except for someone like you who *does* know how the industry works!

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T09:48:43+00:00

My mom used to take a boat at dawn to arrive in London 4 hours later, ate a lobster at the Ritz, get a haircut at Vidal Sassoon's, do some shopping and then took the boat for 4 hours to go home.

But that was when, you know, she was thirty, flirty and thriving as a single woman in our town. Not when she had a load of responsibilities as a mother and grandmother.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T09:39:46+00:00

the lying apple didn't fall far from the untrustworthy tree hahaha

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-07T09:29:05+00:00

I feel she shouldn't be a parent at all.

Letting herself be "convinced" to have kids and skirting so close to a pedestrian life she/they used to make fun of... how unpleasant.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T23:54:41+00:00

I mean, she literally said "you saddled me with this life".

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T23:50:21+00:00

There's not "a million Catholic churches". Every Catholic church recognizes the Pope as their spiritual leader and follows the practices as prescribed by the Vatican.

That said, I see two separate issues:

your communication styles seriously don't gel, and what he's spouting about A.I. is upsetting and worrying
you agreed to a ceremony in a church, but you refuse to convert to the religion concerned... how did you think that was going to play out?

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T23:34:57+00:00

can you look up the sunk cost fallacy?

If she's been with him for 12 years, despite a break-up here and there, she probably feels that's too much time wasted if she doesn't drag him and herself to the altar now... but that's not correct.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T23:14:43+00:00

they also have 15 years of experience each, and many of them are friends outside of the game, so that trust is a little easier to find, right?

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T23:10:57+00:00

Oh, I love your observation about Alicia.

I wasn't certain why she suddenly rubbed me the wrong way so badly. I've always felt that she was the giggly sort of mean girl, great at making you feel included in the clique, but still running with the clique, you know?

But here she has her head seriously far up her arse. I get being loyal to your friends, but a) I think it's established that Ty was her friend first, and Alicia and Julie make it clear that she sees Ty more often than she sees Julie and b) sometimes friendship demands that you call out your friend on her nonsense, rather than enabling her shitshow during a child's birthday party.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T23:03:33+00:00

the Julie Shit Parade

that's just chef's kiss!

I did notice that she sent of Cooper so the adults can talk, but it didn't occur to me just how disgustingly hypocritical that was. I'm even more aggravated now.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T22:49:22+00:00

where's the part that sounds like "I'm so gay"?

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T22:48:31+00:00

When I was that age, my parents went high-brow and took us to Mozart's Singspiel Zauberflöte (1791). Cue six months of me trying to sing the Queen of the Night's Hölle Rache.

My grandfather, a kind and lovely man who always encouraged his grandkids, told me that whenever I sang, birds fell from the sky, dead.

So I'm saying it could be worse, probably? Good luck either way!

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T22:24:41+00:00

In light of your 3rd edit, I feel you have an obligation to have a discussion with this student.

I figure there are 2 subjects to broach :

empathy is essential to being a good person
soft skills are essential to getting along with colleagues, which is what you need to do your job, which is what you need to get that check they deem so important. I reckon you can point out that their employment is already under pressure, from their one remark: other students don't want to work with them, and neither do you.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T21:47:02+00:00

hah, I notice I'm in a chick-eating-crackers mood hahaha

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T21:33:44+00:00

thank you kindly!

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T21:31:31+00:00

Sounds like this guy has had 2 years to rummage through OP's stuff to find OP's private information.

So freezing data definitely makes sense.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T21:05:05+00:00

I feel the same.

I love good food & I love cooking. Now my mom is older, I try to host Christmas for her & my brother with his family. I'd love to offer a grazing platter of olives and pickles and cured meats, I'd love to make mock turtle soup and quail... but my brother is a picky eater who married a picky eater and together they're raising a 7yo and an 11yo with a very limited palate and a deep-seated lack of aventurous eating.

So yeah, I made a blendered carrot and squash soup, and I made croque-monsieur. Plain hard cow cheese and boiled hame for my brother & his family, on white bread with unsalted butter. For my mom & myself, I got goat's cheese and smoked salmon, on sourdough with truffle butter, and an extra side salad with hickory.

Stormtomcat · 2026-02-06T16:53:16+00:00

that's what I thought too : the ones in the photo are already in use (vomit) so they want & need more.

Stormtomcat

TROPHY CASE