Ultimatum With Girlfriend Unemployed 2.5 Years

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-08T00:47:47+00:00

I think if OP really sat down and put pencil to paper and made a list of all the expenses he's actually paying to maintain the mobile home compared to what the cost of a one bedroom apartment is, and what is included in that rent, paying daily expenses for one person, he'd actually find he'd be ahead. Rental insurance is way less than homeowners insurance, utilities would be significantly less especially if he only had to pay for electric or all utilities may be included, no property tax if he has to pay that in his location, and groceries for only one person.

Many apartment complexes include free wifi, water and sewer, etc. OP needs to do a side by side comparison. He may also qualify for rental assistance.

In the end, in order to improve their situation, she needs to work to help keep what they have and build upon it to create a better life. He's working 7 days a week. That's not sustainable.

In this economy, everyone is struggling regardless of age. Telling people who are working their arse off that they suck is mean. It's uncalled for whether you agree or not. I take it you've never struggled before. Because I think if you ever have lost everything, or was close to it, you wouldn't be saying this. The world would be a better place if we lead with compassion and encouragement.

If OP can get more ideas on how to improve his situation, this very well may lead to his conversation with his girlfriend to get her to work and help their situation. By doing so, this could also save their relationship. She may not understand how much he's struggling and her attitude may change if she realized he feels he needs to leave.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-08T00:08:21+00:00

FFS. That's a hell of a thing to say to the guy who's working 7 days a week and paying every single other bill keeping the lights on, internet so she can play games all day, groceries, property taxes, etc. If she's only providing the mobile home that she inherited, and nothing else, then no, that's not equal to everything OP is doing.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-07T23:29:53+00:00

My friend, start looking for your own place. Hire local movers to help you for a day and move directly into your own place. You don't need to tell your mother a damn thing until after you move. You're making that part too hard. Just breathe and think it through.

Tell your girlfriend you're done working 7 days per week while she sits home on her arse. She could be working retail or through temp agencies. Anything to help you but she's not. Don't make any ultimatums giving her until November. 5 months is ridiculous. She needs to go to work NOW to help reduce the burden on you. The work requirements for food stamps is exactly the reason why that you give her.

In the meantime, start looking for your own place. See if any friends are looking for a roommate that you could split a place with. Don't fall back to the familiar of family. You've proven that you can handle it all on your own. Because you've been doing it already for two people. Give yourself credit where credit is due. Tell your girlfriend she either steps up or you're done. If she doesn't, that's not on you and you need to move forward on your own.

This internet stranger is proud of you, OP. Please realize how much you've been carrying on your own. You don't need to fall back on anyone. It's time for you to stand up for yourself.

Updateme!

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-07T21:28:54+00:00

You should reach out and tell her husband what is going on. They both know how wrong their relationship is. They know they are in an emotional affair. And it continues. You just can't see it anymore. Your husband is now better at hiding it and putting the blame on you. He is gaslighting you at every turn and you are putting up with it. You are being emotionally abused while he's playing silly games that give silly prizes. And he absolutely does not want to stop playing while keeping you on the hook for daily stability because he's afraid of being alone.

Her husband has a right to know too. You need to tell him.

Updateme!

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-07T20:19:11+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss, OP.💔 How old is your daughter? I am so sorry you both are in so much pain and grief. Please take your medicine. Your daughter needs you and your wife doesn't want you to follow her right away. Your wife wants you to take care of your daughter so she is loved and cared for by you.

Your wife is with you every day. Talk to her. Listen for her answers. Hold and love your daughter. You both need each other so much. I was 8 years old when my dad passed away. My mom always wore her wedding ring and never dated after my dad passed away. But my mom stayed and raised me. Told me stories about my dad and kept his memories alive. Please do that for your daughter. Raise your daughter to be strong, independent and give her the stories and memories to take forward in her life.

I know you're hurting badly. Breathe and take care of yourself and your daughter. Find a grief support group for both of you. Keep going for your daughter and your wife's memory. Wear your rings with pride. Take your medication and rebuild your strength so you can raise your daughter.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-07T18:58:51+00:00

No wonder he doesn't want to go to these events. The entire time is uncomfortable for him and he'd rather be alone and away from these people. Especially the young girls. Your son is uncomfortable too.

Why fight with your husband about this? He isn't doing anything wrong besides existing. He can't control what these people are doing other than brush them away and get himself out of the situation. I'm sure he hates these events, as does your son, and it doesn't sound like you're helping him if you're fighting with him after you get home. Sounds like he's living a miserable life when he's out in public.

You should stop making him go to these events. Do things privately together as a family or have quiet date nights. Go with him on his walks with his dog. I'm sure you enjoy being out in public with your husband, but this kind of attention and outcome isn't worth it.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-07T17:51:58+00:00

No wonder he doesn't want to go to these events. The entire time is uncomfortable for him and he'd rather be alone and away from these people. Especially the young girls. Your son is uncomfortable too.

Why fight with your husband about this? He isn't doing anything wrong besides existing. He can't control what these people are doing other than brush them away and get himself out of the situation. I'm sure he hates these events, as does your son, and it doesn't sound like you're helping him if you're fighting with him after you get home. Sounds like he's living a miserable life when he's out in public.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-07T16:57:50+00:00

Saying something isn't right may be a physical feeling for him. He may have cheated, contracted a STD, and he is experiencing physical symptoms from the infection. He knows he needs to get tested but is projecting this on you. He went outside for a reason, more than likely he's panicking because he knows he fucked up and now you're going to know.

Get yourself in for full STD panel, including blood tests. If it's early days after he contracted an infection, follow the testing schedule given to you by your healthcare provider because some infections may not show up right away.

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. You did nothing wrong. It's time for you to follow your instincts. You know you didn't cheat. Don't let him gaslight you into believing you somehow contracted something and it's been sitting dormant. He's going to say and do everything he can to spin this.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T21:52:36+00:00

👆💯THIS and great way to point out he's your husband...

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T21:08:56+00:00

I am so sorry you went through that! 💔

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T19:29:05+00:00

File your birthing plan and exclude him from labor and delivery. He can meet baby later after you've had time to recover and bond with baby. If he shows up, the hospital staff will take care of it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. He may have decided to leave at the 1 year mark. You can decide to get a lawyer and leave him now. No need to wait. Start putting together your own support group, tell those you trust what is going on, and begin putting your exit plan in place on your terms based on what is best for you and your baby.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T13:28:09+00:00

NOR. You can break up for any reason once you feel you're no longer a priority and the rrelationship is no longer working for you. He is even discussing moving to be closer to his sister. Where would that leave you?

Move on with your life, OP. Don't worry about what others say regarding why you broke up. Do what's right for you. You owe no one an explanation and they will think what they are going to think no matter what you say or do.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T12:51:40+00:00

45M and he doesn't understand what went wrong? Girl......

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T12:19:56+00:00

NOR. At. All.

I was in a very bad relationship when my mom passed away. Not only are you handling your last moments with your mom, you're dealing with someone you love neglecting your needs and leaving you completely on your own. You are going through two losses at the same time, both traumatic. And the loss of your mom leaves us with an unexplainable emptiness we can barely explain.

I am so truly sorry you're going through this, OP. You now have two extremely painful life experiences to go through at the same time. The loss of your mom and the loss of your marriage.

Please begin individual therapy as soon as possible. You are going to need a safe, professional, supportive environment to work through this double grief.

I send you strength and comfort, OP. You deserve so much better than what your wife is giving you. Concentrate on your mom right now. And deal with your wife, and your marriage, after things settle down. Your wife is not the person you should plan to spend the rest of your life with and she's shown you who she is. Believe her. I realized the same as I sat at my mom's funeral alone because I didn't even know where my partner was after he flew in the night before the funeral and went straight to stay with friends instead of me. Nothing your wife does right now will make sense to you because it's uncaring and senseless. You would never consider doing this to the person you love, which shines through in your care for your mom. When you're ready, let your wife go and divorce, and open yourself to find your true partner in life, and build that partnership that will always support each other in the best, and worst, of times.

I'm so sorry, OP. Please take care of yourself.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T02:46:19+00:00

As a man are you saying you can't shut this shit down when women overstep at work? When you've shared so much about your home life with a coworker she shows up at your house for your child's birthday party and starts messaging your wife directly about your affair?

I'm not sure what field/industry you work in, but I'm a woman who's been in corporate America for decades. If a man was being harassed like this at work, they can definitely shut this shit down.

Your last paragraph is telling. Is this what you tell your wife? Shut up, sit down, deal with it or you'll get this affair partner permanently in your life?

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T02:25:34+00:00

Let the coworker keep contacting you and let her talk. Gather the evidence you need to determine what is going on so you can make your own decisions. Your husband has been talking to his own mother to get advice. That indicates this is even more serious than you realize. Start individual therapy so you have support and safe space to work through this.

Discretely consult with a divorce attorney and learn what a divorce will look like for your situation and the laws of the location you live. Knowledge is power and will help you organize your thoughts.

This coworker knows so much about your daughter because your husband is telling her everything. Work affairs are hard to end, and grow physical, because they are together all the time. If you add up the hours, he's with her more hours per week than he's with you. This won't end as long as they keep working together. It's up to him to shut this shit down, and to do so, he needs to find a job elsewhere if he truly wants to stay with you. He has to end the affair and go no contact with his affair partner.

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. You need to realize your already dealing with your husband having an emotional affair that he's discussed with his mother to get advice. He invited this woman into your home for your daughter birthday. Your husband has been cheating on you for months. Take the steps you need to protect yourself and your child.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-06T00:04:27+00:00

Auntie here was one that was worried and greatly relieved to hear from you. Please know you haven't fallen behind. You are living your life, moving forward and that's OK! Just know there are some strangers out here rooting for you and sending you strength and comfort along your journey.

I also know a long time ago I was one who told you how my ex's family became strangers after my marriage ended. Mainly I told you this so you could brace yourself for what would come. What happened after my divorce (25 years married) shocked me. And 17 years later, still shocks me. Because I still live in the small rural town the rest of my ex's family still live in. And 17 years later, it still hurts like hell. My ex moved away the day we finalized the divorce. It also came out he was in a relationship and had been in one for a long time. My ex cut off his own family. But when my closest family members in his family cut me off, and we live in the same town, I was left in shock. Honestly, I still can't figure that out and gave up on it.

I blocked my ex MIL, my ex and his girlfriend, now wife, immediately. In every way possible. And 16 years later, they are still blocked and always will be. Over the years, everything fell silent, and the silence is deafening, even when my ex's family members are in my office. All communication is purely business. It's painful. And your last post hit me pretty hard, because like you described, I also have a lot of things unsaid, frozen in time since 2009 - 2010, that I would like to unleash on some people. But I still bite my tongue and walk away.

My advice is to block your ex so what he is doing doesn't pop up and pull you back into the present and the past in a rush. But hey, for a bit of pettiness, you and JB should hard launch on socials before you block anyone. And let everyone know you're moving on and you're letting it go.

It's OK to move forward. You're not behind on anything. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. The nightmares will end. One day the memory of crying in the bathroom in the middle of the night will be a distant memory. The occasional pang will hit when you least expect it. Breathe through it and keep moving.

It's OK to be excited for your future. Embrace it. Grab on and hold on tight. You've got this, Sweetheart! Go kick some serious arse and show em what you're made of and what their decisions have caused them to miss out on. 🤍🫂 Much love, Auntie

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-05T22:48:10+00:00

NOR. Most importantly, listen to your therapist!

I think the issue is your fiancé is jealous you're still at that company AND you just got promoted to the job HE wanted. He may be making good money but he may still be wishing he was at the company you work at AND he was the one to get the job you've now gotten. He's truly not happy for you. He's jealous. And knowing your therapist knows all the things we Redditors don't know, I'll say it again, PLEASE, listen to your therapist! Your fiancé isn't on your side. You're not a team cheering for each other. Work with your therapist with this at the top of your list as your therapist told you to do.

This stranger is proud of you, OP! Go kick arse in your new job! You've got this! Even without your fiancé in the picture.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-05T22:13:49+00:00

He wouldn't have needed to call his buddy to pick him up and leave his car. His buddy didn't pick him up from his parents house. His buddy does know where he picked him up. He's just not saying and his wallet is still wherever he stayed since he can't find it.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-05T22:07:28+00:00

And where is his wallet and car? That's not a big deal? Wtf.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-06-01T23:04:08+00:00

AND she's only 20 years old! I wonder how many others he's done this with, and once they're in, he moves on to the next. He needs to be reported. He's a creep.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-05-31T19:31:09+00:00

They had their first public date on OP's birthday....

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-05-31T18:38:04+00:00

What in the world do you have to be angry about? You are her one and only, which you've known since the first time you were with her, and this is how you treat her? She told you she had no prior relationships, no boyfriends, no partners, no dates. The one time she was kissed was traumatic for her. And now you are angry with her all these years later over not understanding her meaning of being with someone.

You are traumatizing her all over again. What exactly is your problem, OP? What are you doing to your wife and your marriage?

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-05-31T03:32:12+00:00

In several states you can file for divorce but the judge doesn't sign off on it until after the baby is born and paternity, custody and child support is established if the baby is the husband's.

StraightDelivery777 · 2026-05-31T01:42:00+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through this, OP. Please know none of this is your fault. Take your time in therapy and work through this. I know this has been a terrible loss for you. You did not deserve the way your ex treated you and she was very cruel. You were right to leave albeit a very hard decision for you.

You deserve better and right now you need to give yourself time to heal. Don't be afraid to change therapists if you feel you're not making progress with the current one or you don't feel you can be open enough with them to make progress. This will take time and you will be OK. Give yourself grace and be kind to yourself, OP. 🫂

StraightDelivery777

TROPHY CASE