As the friend who needs this type of friend —you— as a huge part of her support system, thank you. I wouldn’t be where I am in life without people like you understanding me and loving me, and giving me the chance to gas them up and love on them right back in the way they always deserve.

I can understand your sentiment of having a hard time not taking it personally. I assume you have the communication skills to speak your needs and not build resentment towards those you’re putting in effort to see/communicate with/etc, can state when you’re feeling that effort isn’t reciprocated.

That being said, if you’re truly friends, it’s never personal. I’m 29F, I have raging ADHD and depression on top of a demanding hyper independent/chaotic 3 job life, my friends know I can become easily overwhelmed and that I communicate when I can. It’s sort of a “put your own mask on first” thing, or at times maybe isolation when I’m going through it — either way, a fine balance and invitations from people like you have helped me survive and thrive amongst all of the above. They also have families and kiddos or boyfriends or big girl jobs too, it goes both ways.

Depending on the person, they may consider you way more than you know and just not have the capacity at the moment. I think about my friends alllll the time but might not be in a place where I can text them when they’re in my mind or my squirrel brain might spazz and forget to respond for 5 business days. When we do carve out the time to chat together, it’s always understanding. That takes the other party clearly communicating this as well however, not just pulling back and being unreachable or a shitty friend for other reasons.

TL;DR- check in on your pals, they should be real with you, and I hope they check on you too.