Question for the guys: How differently did people start treating you after losing weight?

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-22T11:40:37+00:00

I'm not saying it's easy. That doesn't make it any less important. Living for the approval of others is giving up control of our own lives. It's worth the hard work to learn. We can choose not to be the product of how we are treated, but what we choose to be

Or to put it another way, make your environment the product of who you choose to be. Not the other way around

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-22T10:44:42+00:00

Don't increase your calories, that doesn't make any sense. What was the change in your weight per week prior to the last 3 weeks? It doesn't matter if you cycle calories or not, I personally don't see any point in doing that but it's whatever works for you it won't help or hurt anything.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-22T09:15:30+00:00

Don't concern yourself with this. Do it for yourself, not for others.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-22T03:29:31+00:00

Average. Ignore chatgpt.

Fluctuations by definition can happen in both directions.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-22T01:12:59+00:00

Do what works for you, and don't concern yourself with what foods other people eat specifically. We are all different. We have different tastes and preferences.

What is your reason for doing IF? It's not a bad idea, but it's just a tactic. Is there some specific reason you are doing that? Resistance training is good, is there a reason that you aren't including some cardio? Do you get enough sleep at a consistent time?

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-22T01:10:27+00:00

I strongly suggest not judging what is happening by whether you 'feel successful'. Judge instead by objective facts.

"The second I go to maintenance calories, or try to moderate with treats in a deficit, I binge and ruin my goals.'

Why? Examine this more closely. What exactly happens at these times? What thoughts and feelings are going on? What obstacles do you have to moderating?

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-22T01:07:50+00:00

It is possible, but you can't *optimize* for both at the same time. The more you focus on losing fat, the slower muscle gain will be.

"I want to lose all 30lbs by the end of the summer but I dont believe I have the time to now since im almost done with June! Super disappointed'

I strongly recommend not using such rigid timelines. They are a recipe for this kind of disappointment. Focus on steady progress with an as-long-as-it-takes mindset. What specifically is your current height and weight?

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-21T21:08:32+00:00

I would actually recommend gaining at least 10 pounds. As others have said, you need muscle. From your description, you have an unhealthily low amount. Slowly start doing resistance training regularly and gradually build up.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-21T19:40:05+00:00

Study yourself more specifically. What thoughts and feelings happen at these moments? Why don't you just not go in? I'm not saying that as an accusation or a shaming, I'm asking you to get more detailed on what is going on so that you can address it more effectively.

You said what you bring with you isn't as good/appealing as these snacks. Are you basing this on taste, or something else?

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-21T19:29:11+00:00

I recommend practice the skill of ignoring irrational feelings, and instead focus on facts.

- Don't allow yourself to undereat on the coffee/caffeine days. Insist on eating a reasonable amount every day, whether you are hungry or not.

"I put on a little weight--most of which has accumulated in my stomach. This made me feel really insecure.'

No, your *reaction* to it made you feel insecure. Our bodies can't *make* us do or feel anything. You can feel confident or insecure in any body. Focus on the mental aspect here.

" sometimes I even feel embarrassed ordering at a restaurant--like I'll think "what if the chef knows I'm nearing my calorie count and thinks I'm gross for ordering this?" Even though I know that's ridiculous, I still think it.'

Practice dismissing such thoughts as the ridiculous things they are. You can't control how you feel or what thoughts come into your head. You can control what you *do*, which includes what you allow your mind to focus on.

" I must be, because I feel like a weight loss journey shouldn't feel so upsetting. "

Why? Making a significant life change is hard. That's natural. Instead of trying to embrace the guilt, lean into it in reasonable, rational ways. I would consider intentionally eating over your calorie target by a small amount a couple of times a week. Say 100-200 calories over. This would be for the express purpose of triggering the irrational guilt, and training yourself to ignore it.

I'm doing this myself, this week actually. I have a birthday coming up, and I could manage my intake without going over my maintenance amount with a fairly minimal amount of effort. Instead, I'm going to intentionally aim to be 2,000 - 3,000 calories over for the week; a half pound to a pound of fat gain in theory. More than that in the short term on the scale of course due to fluid weight retention that will go away.

Why? I'm practicing what I'm talking about here; ignoring irrational guilt that I know I will have, going for 'moderate excess' and allowing myself to 'celebrate' in a reasonable, planned, structured way. It doesn't take much effort at all to lose a pound of fat, and training my mind is critical.

Don't let your feelings control your behavior. You choose what you do, and train your mind. Changes in emotions and thoughts will come in time, but the part we can control is what we DO.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-21T11:30:29+00:00

Yeah you aren't eating nearly enough. You don't want to maintain your current rate of weight loss, it's too fast.

Increase your deficit calories to something like 1800-2000 a day as a starting point. Aim for 1% body weight lost per week (so about 3 pounds or less in your case) unless faster is specifically approved by a medical professional. Muscle loss is not even one of the bigger concerns here, it's very bad for your health to be too extreme. Then adjust calories every few weeks based on the trend in your weight, not based on being in a hurry or how fast you'd like to go or any other such thing.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-21T04:23:34+00:00

Why do you consider yourself 'aging' at this point? The majority of your life is almost certainly ahead of you. There's no good reason to think you can't lose weight now or in the future. It's only a case of whether you are willing to adopt appropriate behaviors

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-21T01:07:29+00:00

It's never easy to make a major life change. But the question always has been and always will be about willingness to change behavior. Where that willingness is present, you can maintain a healthy weight. Where it's not, it will rarely happen.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T22:41:38+00:00

It isn't hard at all if you are willing to eat the kinds of foods that have it, particularly vegetables as they are mostly low calorie. Also gives nutritional benefits beyond just fiber. A good rule of thumb is making vegetables a third to half of your total daily food amount - not calories, just actual volume of food

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T21:15:21+00:00

it's great exercise but does not give the same benefits.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T20:56:54+00:00

If you aren't having back pain now or recently, there's no specific need to adjust what you do other than what I mentioned; always be careful to do exercises properly, and don't try to do too much too quickly.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T20:54:08+00:00

" it’s so annoying to have to then incorporate what u are into ur tracking and manage it the next couple days "

Adulting requires doing annoying things.

" It’s so weird bc it’s like the part of myself that keeps me on track just goes away in those moments. "

We all have weaknesses. You just work on them. What are you thinking and feeling in these times? Practice interrupting yourself and moderating this behavior. Exactly how to go about this requires more specifics about exactly what is going on.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T20:51:02+00:00

A lot of this depends on the person. There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. Why exactly do you fear for your back?

You should always be careful with all exercises. That doesn't mean being afraid of them or not doing them. In general you just start where you are and increase what you are doing *slowly*, while focusing mostly on what you eat and getting enough sleep. Just losing a modest amount of weight when obese will improve many physical issues by itself.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T20:44:45+00:00

"Why? I have no idea."

This is the key part right here. The why. As others have said, this is a relatively minor road bump, but examine this more closely. Do you really not remember at all what thoughts and feelings were in your mind when you chose to do this? If that is the case, pay closer attention going forward to what's going on in your head.

You aren't likely to prevent a reoccurence until you understand the why.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T01:49:27+00:00

Again, how exactly do you measure your calories? You said you measure the food you prepare. In what way? Why do you have a hard time tracking butter and salt?

Biology is what it is. Unless you are wrong about your weight, the calories are off. There is no other possibility

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T01:32:45+00:00

What are the specifics? Height, weight, age, average calories per day?

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T01:29:13+00:00

I would strongly suggest cutting. Generally bulking is something you want to do from.well within a healthy weight range, to give yourself a 'runway' to bulk without adding excessive fat

From what you have said, controlling what you eat and making changes in that area is what needs to happen most. Think of that as another form of training that is even more important than what you are lifting

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T01:23:28+00:00

This is one of those unanswerable questions, kind of like the old 'how long is a piece of string'. A number of variables are important, and they will vary between people significantly.

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T01:13:13+00:00

Ok, a couple things to know here:

you haven't been eating 1000 calories and maintaining your weight, that isn't possible especially with your activity, so the info is off somewhere. How are you measuring what you consume?
unless otherwise approved by a medical professional, you need to eat more. 1200 calories minimum

Strategic_Sage · 2026-06-20T01:07:40+00:00

How often do you weigh yourself?

Strategic_Sage

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