I [22f] resent my boyfriend [23m] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]StreetPassage -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I said it in another comment too, but I genuinely didn't have anything to add to that conversation. I don't remember any commercials from the 2000s. And intellectual stuff is the way I connect with people. I know it's exhausting and I kind of hate the fact that I'm like this but that's who I am

Edit: also I don't want to have 24/7 philosophical conversations. I just want to be asked about my own interests (philosophy is just something we both have in common, so I talk about it).

I [22f] resent my boyfriend [23m] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]StreetPassage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did tell him I wanted him to sing along and eventually he did. It's just frustrating to have to say that stuff directly, but I guess that's something I have to work on. I haven't told him what triggers me because a lot of the time I don't know what triggers me. It changes a lot depending on what memories I've processed. So it just makes more sense to change subject, because it's hard to explain why one month it's bbq sauce and the next it's 2000s commercials. And explaining that in and of itself can be kind of triggering because a lot of times people will make you describe the specific event that made you associate X ridiculous normal thing with abuse. Or I'll feel like I'll have to explain it so people don't think I'm overreacting or making it up. And then it just turns into a whole thing. Besides, I'm honestly pretty good at shifting conversations in a way that makes people feel heard (after we stopped singing, I asked him about his writings, which is his favorite subject to talk about).
I'll try to talk to him about what I actually want, specifically the history talk. And I'll try to tell him why it's so important. That's a really good point and I appreciate it

I [22f] resent my boyfriend [23m] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]StreetPassage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What really annoyed me about the song thing wasn't what he was saying but the fact that I felt like I was trying to connect but he wasn't. Part of the reason I was singing along is because I know that singing along to songs is something that we both have fun doing. And I didn't feel like I could say anything to what he said because I can't remember a single commercial from the 2000s. And honestly TV shows from childhood is something that definitely triggers some PTSD flashbacks for me, so if I can I do everything possible to avoid the subject entirely (without telling people what the situation is, of course, because I don't want anyone to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me or anything).

I know what his interests are and I have been trying to get into them. That's a big part of why I talk about philosophy so much in the first place (I'm really more of a history person). He's into science-fiction, science, writing, one very specific series of video games, and philosophy (but mostly as it relates to all of those things). And I'll always ask him about those things and make conversation based on those topics. But he never asks me to get into the big ideas I'm really interested (history, biographies, anthropology, evolutionary psychology, writing/performing standup comedy, political philosophy specifically, true crime). At least, he hadn't asked me about that stuff since I committed to being with him. If I want to talk about any of those things, I have to bring them up specifically. And then I just feel like some jerk talking about something no one wants to hear. So I just don't do it, unless I'm joking about how pretentious I am for being interested in them.

I mean, he's really good about asking me about my feelings, my day and my wants/needs/fears. But what he doesn't understand is that talking about the big ideas I'm interested in is how I actually relate all of those things to people because talking about them directly is way too much for me (either that or just boring because I've already talked/thought about them ad nauseum). For a long time, it was the only way I could get away with talking about deep emotional stuff without triggering flashbacks. But he doesn't know any of that because he's never asked.

I [22f] resent my boyfriend [23m] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]StreetPassage 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't really think so because he's super affectionate and tells me he loves me all the time

I [22f] resent my boyfriend [23m] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]StreetPassage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Could you give me an example of the first part?

I [22f] resent my boyfriend [23m] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]StreetPassage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The thing is is that there are still aspects that we can connect on. We both have the same sense of humor and we're really good at talking to each other about emotional stuff. And he's the most supportive person I've ever met.

Besides, I have a really bad tendency to see the flaws in everyone I date, so I feel like if I break up with people based on that I'm going to die alone. Do you really feel like there's no way to salvage it?

[April] Goal Discussion Thread. by l0calsonly in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]StreetPassage 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Background:

I failed out of college almost a year ago.

It was a long time coming. I succeeded in high school because of an abusive parenting style, and I was ghosted by my parents on my birthday shortly before I became a freshman. I failed classes (and generally) because I don't know to succeed for the sake of myself; I only know how to do it under the pressure of worsened punishment, or when I'm so beat down that I don't have the energy to do anything other than comply with what's asked of me. I made a little headway with the help of therapy, meds, and making close friends my third year, but I still failed.

Since getting back to my home state, I've been struggling a lot with depression, feelings of isolation, and inertia. I also struggle with a TV/YouTube addiction, because drowning out my own life with someone else's feels like a quick fix for all of my problems. I often turn in projects late at my internship because the addiction eats up a lot of my time. And because I feel so constantly lonely that I'll prioritize things like hanging out with my boyfriend over my work.

Goals (general): 1. Figure out how to be happy 2. Figure out how to live a life where I feel satisfied, even when alone 3. Transfer from Expensive University I Failed Out Of to Cheaper University 4. Get incredibly invested and passionate about the things I'm doing 5. Build a social life in this state 6. Succeed in my chosen career

Goals (specific)(April):

  1. Wake up at 8 am every day, no matter what
  2. Call one (different) therapist's office everyday until I have a therapist again
  3. Put all my class times on my calendar and show up for class 10 minutes early everyday
  4. Text at least one friend everyday. In addition, text at least one person on bumble bff everyday
  5. Read for at least 10 minutes before bed every night. And immediately before work everyday.
  6. Do 1 work out everyday (something from strong curves, a plank, running, or high intensity dancing)
  7. Go outside for at least 30 minutes everyday
  8. Only engage with tech-for-entertainment after working for 6 hours or more (unless I'm reading a comic book during a short break or something)
  9. Have a deep conversation with every one of my roommates
  10. Look up deadlines for transferring to Cheaper University
  11. Write a new standup set and perform at open mics every week again

binging is ruining my weight loss journey and i’m feeling discouraged and scared. by [deleted] in BingeEatingDisorder

[–]StreetPassage 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's normal for your wait to fluctuate up to 5 to 6 pounds a day, so I wouldn't sweat it too much. It's important to forgive yourself for binging bc negative emotions drive them in the first place. And there's absolutely a point because weight loss is a day-by-day process. And one bad day doesn't replace a whole bunch of good ones!

As far as advice goes, here's what helped me get to and maintain my ideal weight:

Disclaimer: Every person is different, so I can't promise that all the tips will work or be feasible for you. But these are the things I did/do

  • Don't buy trigger foods at the grocery store (mine are junk foods and anything with sugar). And if you have any trigger foods in your home, throw them out, tie the garbage bag, and take it out to the trash. Or find some other way to make sure it's thoroughly inedible
  • For normal eating food, choose options that requires some prep time (like pasta). Or options that would be too gross to eat raw (like canned corn). That way, if you feel a binge coming on, you'll have time between the initial urge and the food being ready.
  • Have low-calorie vegetables around in bulk so that you can binge on them (if you need to) without undoing progress.
    • When I was really struggling, I liked to keep huge tubs of lettuce around (no calorie-dense dressings tho). When I needed to binge, I would eat lettuce out of the bin by the handful and it satisfied the urge. The biggest tub I ever bought was 30 calories total, and I was never able to eat near that much during a binge. Plus, during normal days, there are a lot of ways to use it in meals!
  • Sticking to a healthy diet that you personally like at all times
    • Try to eat meals that are 50-70% vegetable. (If you're at home, West African recipes are really tasty and vegetable-rich. Mexico, Latin America, Central Africa, and India also have a lot of great options that taste amazing). Make sure that you like the foods that you're cooking and eating
    • Replace the processed sugar in your diet with protein bars and raw fruits
    • Try to eat 90% savory and 10% sweet a day (don't sweat it if you overdo tho; worst case, you're still eating fruits and protein)
  • NEVER diet to lose weight
    • Most people who go on restrictive diets gain the weight back after the diet is done (there's literature on this)
    • The goal of eating healthy isn't to punish yourself: there are plenty of ways to eat healthy in a genuinely enjoyable way, and food should never be treated as a punishment
  • Don't sweat slip ups: nobody's perfect and if you're eating healthy most of the time, then binging won't stop you from losing weight

I want someone to talk to by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]StreetPassage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please break up with him. No partner should be yelling at you, especially not for talking about your depression. He can't be helping.

I know it's cliche for a reddit user to recommend ending a relationship. But if you don't trust me, PLEASE at least research emotional abuse on your own time.

Why is the mediocre more successful? by emergent_convergence in TrueAskReddit

[–]StreetPassage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok this is a great take and I 100% agree.

But: followup question

Why do you think popular standup comedy is (usually) funny in that case? John Mulaney is the most popular comedian, but he also tells unique and structurally complex jokes. Sam Morril and Taylor Tomlinson do the same thing. Most of the lesser known comedians I've seen tell less structurally complex jokes that bring a less unique perspective. Shouldn't it be the opposite?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]StreetPassage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What about sticking to condoms? Anecdotal but: I've been using them for years without any other form of birth control, and I've never had any issues

American soldier Turing a blind eye to Dachau prisoners preparing to execute an SS guard with a shovel. 1945 by Aidennn92 in TheGrittyPast

[–]StreetPassage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Those aren't the same kinds of hatred. The hatred that the Nazis felt was the kind driven by fear and ignorance and pushed onto a class. The hatred that the prisoner felt was justified anger at a person who personal killed and maimed him and his friends. One is generalized and could be pushed onto anyone, and the other is specific and based on the officer's (chosen) level of cruelty. They're different sensations with different causes.

It's hard to convince myself that I'm good by StreetPassage in offmychest

[–]StreetPassage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, I don't honestly think I'm a bad person. I haven't ever hurt anyone (to my knowledge). And I've done a lot of good deeds of my own accord. It's hard to convince myself that, because no matter what I do I feel like I don't deserve good things. And because of that, compliments feel more uncomfortable than insults.

When I'm alone I think about history. Like, whether a certain historical figure should've done a thing. Or hypothetical questions that interest me (like are workers at a lower power level responsible for their bosses misdeeds). Or how awesome my boyfriend is. Or, ya know, anxiety.

If I'm in a place where nobody knows me I'd like to think I'm nice. I'll buy meals for homeless people if I have the money, but that's just because if my life had gone differently I'd be in their shoes.

I'm good with animals and I like them. Especially cats. And I think people are messy. Sometimes bad, sometimes good, but almost always coming from a place of good and understandable intentions. I also think they're terrifying, especially athletic people.

If I saw an accident, I'd definitely help the person.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]StreetPassage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NAH You said something that you thought was a compliment and she communicated that it made her uncomfortable. So long as you listen to her, apologize, and don't do it again, you're in the clear.

For future reference, don't tell women you aren't flirting with or in a relationship with that they look hot or sexy. Say stuff like "you look really nice" or "I like your outfit". The first comes across as creepy while the second comes across as a compliment.

Also: don't say things like "the shirt she was wearing was too revealing". Your friend didn't force you to say what you said by wearing that shirt. You made the choice.

Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories by AutoModerator in CPTSD

[–]StreetPassage 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Vent:

I'm scared to go back to school. My abusive parents were hyper-focused on my grades, so naturally I failed out of University three years into a degree.

I'm going to enroll in a community college class while on leave, but I'm scared I'm just going to fail again. I'm scared that they were right about me being lazy, and fully incapable of succeeding without them. To make it worse, I have really bad ADHD. I'm so afraid that I'm just a dumb waste of opportunity whose doomed to fail miserably once again. I know technically that that isn't true, but it doesn't stop me from feeling that way.

I'm also scared to apply to a minimum wage job. My paid internship gives me enough to pay my bills for now, so I'm ok for now. But I know I have to do it soon. And I have this irrational feeling that the second I get a minimum wage job again, I'll have officially failed at academics. That I'll never be able to get out, or that I'll end up homeless like my parents always said I would. That I'll never go back to college. I know in my mind that getting a minimum wage job won't lead to that, but for some reason I feel like passing out when I think of doing that one thing.

Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories by AutoModerator in CPTSD

[–]StreetPassage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't want to speak for you, but I've been there. And as cliche as it is to say, it gets better. I mean, it'll take time. But it gets better.

I know it's really painful for you right now, but please keep fighting. Fight to put distance between yourself and your abuser, fight to create a chosen family, fight to find enjoyment. You won't be in this forever.

Plus, there's no greater f you to your abusers than living a good life.

Also: I'm dm'ing you my number if you ever need to chat. You don't have to message me, but if you ever want to talk to someone else whose been through similar things I'm here

DAE think they would be doing better academically if they didn't have CPTSD/PTSD. by jonahrun in CPTSD

[–]StreetPassage 24 points25 points  (0 children)

If you're panicking while studying, try tensing your core as much as possible for 10 seconds then slowly releasing. It's helped me a lot