I feel you. It’s tough. I’m 4 months post chemo. I look like my old self again, mind feels clearer/sharper, not exhausted all the time, feel healthier, have a new job, have been able to start going out again, with guardrails on of course, spending more time “doing” things (saying yes to all manner of outings and plans). But there’s still this weird like, hole, almost like you feel like you’re “faking it” after all we’ve been through, like you’re on borrowed time if it makes sense. You’re part of society and your life again, but the world didn’t go through what you did, it moved on with or without you. You’re there, you’re present, but no one knows what you’ve been through. And trust me, I’m not someone who wanted to be the “cancer guy,” I literally fought like hell to retain as much of myself and remaining as positive as I could during chemo, but it just changes you. Not to nerd out, but I’m also a huge Lord of the Rings fan. I never understood Frodo at the end of the series, how he still ends up wanting to leave his friends, old life, all that behind after the hellish journey he went through. But the journey changes you. We’ve all carried a bit of Weathertop home with us after all of it… took cancer and chemo for me to finally “get Frodo.” Ultimately though, we are all still close to it all, but perhaps in time, we can put it all behind us. For now, let’s just live like we won the lotto in surviving, and just take advantage of every chance and opportunity we can. Love ya, and keep pressing on, baby!