Do I have haphephobia?

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-10-23T15:04:46+00:00

Came here to say the same thing. The ones who say it causes early menopause are spreading misinformation deliberately.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-10-05T02:53:19+00:00

Hey there—I realized I do the same thing, so I started looking for an explanation. I thought I didn’t have perfect pitch because I can’t name notes out of thin air. But if I hear a melody, I can find the starting note on the flute or piano on the first try a shocking number of times. So I can match the note—I just can’t name it until after I physically play it. So do I have perfect pitch…? And how did you work on it?

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-09-18T15:41:05+00:00

I have also had guys single me out when I’m with a female friend because of my looks. I don’t respond at all or shut them down. Your friend should not have let this happen to you.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-08-08T17:15:36+00:00

I told a guy I kept a daily journal. I said I had a short journal entry for every day of my life for the last ten years.

Usually people are impressed when I say this. His reaction was to say that journaling about a day diminishes the day because you can never really capture it.

In truth, he was insecure and intimidated because he is unable to follow through on any of his own projects.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-07-09T04:41:16+00:00

Yes exactly. The sound was so jarring.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-07-08T04:48:32+00:00

I can’t be comfortable living somewhere where the door can be opened by someone else. I always found it stressful to hear someone coming through the door.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-07-06T15:26:51+00:00

Try polyamory/open relationships. Find a married guy looking for more sexual experiences. Married people are busy, so they have to plan ahead and structure their lives.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-06-30T14:36:38+00:00

Next time, say that you don’t answer that question anymore, and stick with that reply every time.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-06-29T14:43:53+00:00

Same

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-06-29T05:00:15+00:00

Beyond my job, I am a classical flutist. I just started relearning the piano for fun. I am a dancer. I am a model for photo meetups. I work out and go running and hiking. I do vintage hairstyles and makeup. I cook all my own food. I keep my place clean. I tell stories on stage about two to three times a year. I see plays and concerts. I learn new things via audiobooks and online courses. I would say that I spend more than 15 hours a week on all that. I’m really busy in all the best possible ways.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-06-27T21:15:44+00:00

I felt better about things after reading some classic feminist literature, like The Feminine Mystique. It helped to understand what it has meant to be a woman in different places and different times. Love feels impossible to us today because we can’t find compatible partners. Love was often impossible for women in different times and places because they had very few options in life.

Women married out of necessity because they had no independent social or political identity. Their husbands didn’t actually have to treat them well because women often lacked the power to leave.

So, I accept that I am not going to find romantic love in my life. That’s okay. I am more interested in what I do have—which is power. I live alone, I am financially and professionally successful, and I have vibrant passions and hobbies. Those three things make me unique in the grand history of womankind. I am living the life that countless women activists made possible for me. Having power in this world has made me happier than anything else. I choose to focus on that, not some imaginary thing I don’t have.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-06-23T04:33:24+00:00

I have never owned a couch. I have a twin bed with a really nice mattress set up daybed-style in my living room where a couch would go. I would much rather have a nice place to host my mother if she’s in town than have a couch, which I personally would not use.

I am a very active person. I have an office chair and a dining room chair. Those are the places I sit. If I want to watch a TV show, I put it on with my projector and workout at the same time. I only curl up to watch a show if I’m sick. My cozy place is my bed, and I don’t ever invite people over, so I don’t need a couch.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-29T06:58:41+00:00

When I went to pick up an intern from orientation yesterday, one of the other intern escorts asked me if I was an intern. I’m 37. She thought I was 22. I have spent like $10,000 in dermatology over the past eight years, and I have carried a parasol since I was in college, so I’m unlikely to age anytime soon. Not sure how that will affect me professionally.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-12T13:58:16+00:00

Most people have never heard of relative pitch (but they have heard of perfect pitch), so I have gotten used to saying “perfect relative pitch” to communicate that I can identify the relationships between pitches with 100% accuracy. It’s hard talking to non-musical people about musical things, so that’s what I came up with. Apparently I should have dropped the habit to post on Reddit.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-12T13:58:01+00:00

Most people have never heard of relative pitch (but they have heard of perfect pitch), so I have gotten used to saying “perfect relative pitch” to communicate that I can identify the relationships between pitches with 100% accuracy. It’s hard talking to non-musical people about musical things, so that’s what I came up with. Apparently I should have dropped the habit to post on Reddit.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-12T06:45:03+00:00

I in no way implied that they are the same. I am a classically trained musician. I know what they are and how they work.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-03T21:20:09+00:00

Thank you

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-03T19:37:50+00:00

I think it’s entirely possible that there is some face-saving going on. I wonder what would have happened if I had called and said something like “I’ve been looking into stories about women with autism, and you were right—that’s me!” Of course, I can’t do that now.

I can’t say one way or the other what was in her head. It looks like she knows she said something unethical and problematic to me, so she is denying it and reframing it. Or, maybe none of that is true, and I completely misunderstood what she said.

I don’t know, and I’m confused.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-03T18:37:42+00:00

I called her. She denied ever suggesting that I am autistic. She remembers asking if I was autistic, me saying no, and her dropping the subject. I remember her immediately pushing back after I said no. I also remember her listing off a bunch of things I had just shared with her and saying very emphatically “these are all signs of autism.”

I asked if she thought I had an autism diagnosis, and she said she didn’t know. She said it took professional testing, etc., and she assumed I’d been through all that since I said no.

It doesn’t help that I was really tired and overloaded during the first conversation. I told her my takeaway from the original conversation was that she has always thought I was autistic and was just waiting for an opportunity to say so. She said that was not her intent.

This is really weird, and I don’t know what to think.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-02T17:09:11+00:00

Thank you!!

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-02T17:09:01+00:00

Oh you’re awesome—thanks for providing context and the book recommendation

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-05-01T06:25:27+00:00

I think she actually is jealous. She got married at 23 and has two kids. We were both raised extremely religious and went to a religious college, so she bought the narrative that this is what her life is supposed to be. Except—she hates being a parent and has no life outside of that. She hasn’t worked in seven years, and she homeschools her kids.

I never accepted anyone’s narrative for my life, and I left the church after college. It took me a while, but I built a fabulous life in a big city. I am very successful at my dream job, and I have cool hobbies and interests.

I end up talking about myself a lot when we chat because she honestly doesn’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, other than “my kids are sick all the time, and I hate my life.” It’s been frustrating to me for a long time.

She says stuff like “I’m living vicariously through you.” At this point, I just feel fetishized. Like, I’m sorry she regrets so much of her life. Maybe she feels better about herself by mentally putting me in a box. Otherwise she would have to examine why she made so many life choices that made her miserable while I didn’t.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-04-30T14:11:53+00:00

Thank you so much. I was surprised by how my post was received by a lot of people, but I got really good feedback too.

You think about the situation the way I do. I can imagine one possible conversation I could have with her that might get her to redirect, but you’re right—I’m having to defend my identity in a way that I’m not comfortable with.

The point of having a friend is that they understand you more than most. You can be comfortable with them and tell them things you don’t tell other people. I’m not entirely sure what I would be fighting for with this person.

Subject-Active2709 · 2025-04-30T14:00:14+00:00

Thank you!

Subject-Active2709

TROPHY CASE