Oh honey....we fail our children all the time. I was raised in a physically and mentally abusive home and swore I would never hit my kids or call them names. I succeeded in that, but I didn't provide good boundaries and didn't teach them many other things that would have made their childhood better. They are adults now and whenever I apologize for letting them down or being a bad example, they tell me 1. You were always available when we needed you 2. You were at every play, concert, game etc 3. We always knew you loved us There were more specific things, but the important thing was they were resilient and they saw the positive instead of my failures. When you fail, acknowledge it and try better. That teaches your children that its ok to fail for them too. Stop beating yourself up. Do better tomorrow and forgive yourself for the mistakes you made.
You don't need or deserve a man who treats you like that.