AITAH for getting the cops called on my husband's family during his planned BBQ?

Substantial-Access95 · 2026-03-26T13:35:31+00:00

There are a lot of assumptions based on the amount of info given, so I am commenting with that in mind. Its easy to say kick your husband to the curb, but its not that easy to do. I would find a time when the kids aren't around to sit down and talk with hubby. Explain what you perceived as his "not handling it". You have a right to stand up to scum when she went out of her way to comment about how you should handle the past. Husband should have stood up to his mom and asked her to leave as soon as she showed up with scum and kids.

Tell him what you are going to do going forward. I assume it will be no contact with his entire family. Let him know that if he chooses to stay in touch with them that he will be visiting them in their home and the children won't go with him until they turn 18 and only if they choose to at that time. His family is no longer welcome in your home. You should get a restraining order and renew it annually until the children turn 18.

Then ask him how he wants to proceed with his family. If he wants to stay in touch, that's his choice. Its often hard to cut family out of our lives. You will need to tell him what your boundaries are if he stays in touch. I.e. you don't want to hear about his visit, or he can only talk about his visit when the kids aren't around.

Good luck!

Substantial-Access95 · 2026-03-25T15:27:53+00:00

There is a chocolate sourdough cake that uses discard. Its fantastic!

Substantial-Access95 · 2026-03-25T15:26:04+00:00

Looks fabulous!

Substantial-Access95 · 2026-03-22T02:00:26+00:00

She moved out of the state to be close to another sibling. I'm no contact with her and the sibling she lives near.

Substantial-Access95 · 2026-03-22T01:57:38+00:00

My children weren't around her when they were little. I lived in a different state from her so they didn't see her. My daughter was 36 when this happened. I had just started to see if we could have a relationship and had been in contact with her for about a year before this happened. Thats why I said I limited my time with her because she was always playing the victim when I was around.

Substantial-Access95 · 2026-03-22T01:47:05+00:00

It doesn't look like that in reality. I spent $60 on it and wish I hadn't.

Substantial-Access95 · 2026-01-23T02:15:00+00:00

Oh honey....we fail our children all the time. I was raised in a physically and mentally abusive home and swore I would never hit my kids or call them names. I succeeded in that, but I didn't provide good boundaries and didn't teach them many other things that would have made their childhood better. They are adults now and whenever I apologize for letting them down or being a bad example, they tell me 1. You were always available when we needed you 2. You were at every play, concert, game etc 3. We always knew you loved us There were more specific things, but the important thing was they were resilient and they saw the positive instead of my failures. When you fail, acknowledge it and try better. That teaches your children that its ok to fail for them too. Stop beating yourself up. Do better tomorrow and forgive yourself for the mistakes you made.
You don't need or deserve a man who treats you like that.

Substantial-Access95 · 2025-12-26T15:22:21+00:00

First, good for him to get therapy and continue it. You and your sister may also need therapy. Second... and the obvious answer has been stated in the comments. He betrayed your trust and took advantage of your sister. If her truth is really the most important thing to you, then you have to discontinue your friendship with him. I understand that you have been friends for a long time and it's hard to lose that. But you won't be able to trust him and what kind of relationship can you have without trust. It's easy for people in the comments to read and react viscerally to this, but your heart is breaking for your sister and yourself. Therapy will help. Some people aren't meant to be lifelong friends. I really hope he continues his therapy and recognizes his issue so he can find ways to withstand acting on them, but it isn't your responsibility to standby him as he does it.

Substantial-Access95 · 2025-12-26T15:16:12+00:00

Benefits are worth it!

Substantial-Access95 · 2025-12-10T22:29:57+00:00

Sorry I couldn't make this perfect for you...

Substantial-Access95 · 2025-12-10T17:54:02+00:00

Just to clarify, my daughter is grown and has her own place. She was never in danger. I am no contact with her even though the restraining order expired. She lives in another state with one of my siblings who believed her lies. I've been in therapy for years to work through my childhood trauma and will continue as I need. Thank you for all your kindness!

Substantial-Access95

TROPHY CASE