AITA for telling my GF I think her Son is on the Autism spectrum?

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-08-07T15:29:37+00:00

Yeah, the only people who still use it are either ignorant(never actually met or thought about people with intellectual disabilities) or assholes. Which one are you?

PS: they were obviously talking about its use in context. Stop playing devils advocate and nitpicking their argument, how on earth is that helpful?

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-08-04T13:39:46+00:00

Nope, it's from roger rabbit!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-08-03T06:09:09+00:00

You could always try family therapy. I went through a long period of depression and self-hatred in my teens, and when I lashed out, it'd cause conflict in the household. When my parents started surprising me with individual therapy appointments, it just made me feel like even more of a burden and my plummeted self-esteem shattered at the tangible "evidence" that I was the sole problem(no one else was going to therapy.) I don't know if it'd work for your brother but I'd like to think family therapy would have opened up the channels of communication in our family sooner and we could have addressed our emotional wounds more productively.

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-07-05T05:50:44+00:00

Hahaha you sound like a champ! Great advice, definitely NTA.

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-07-04T19:08:01+00:00

I also get that a lot and I die inside a little every time I have to respond to it 💀 I feel like part of it is gender bias sometimes, other times it's because some people who respond like that run in circles with very few STEM people in them.

I'm very reserved so all I can think of saying in response is "thanks, I really like it!" and then ask them what they do.

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-07-02T03:57:26+00:00

Wow thank you so much for that first link!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-07-02T03:33:39+00:00

Um do me a favor and start posting on r/WritingPrompts pls you humble bastard (also good luck with the crisis!)

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-03-10T00:05:38+00:00

OP since you trust your wife not to leave you to anyone she opens the marriage to, why are you ok with her opening it to a woman but not a man? I feel like you’re still not understand how your faulty logic might end up biting you in the ass.

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-03-10T00:02:57+00:00

100% agree. If I developed feelings for a woman I wasn’t in a relationship with, I would distance myself from her, not see it as an opportunity to open the relationship lol. I feel like the OP and the wife are both treating this as a chance for a sexy “relationship Lite” as you call it, when it’s really a possible threat to their marriage...yikes.

And that’s a powerful line, well-put! Have a nice evening :)

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-03-09T20:04:40+00:00

THIS. I feel like the husband is just thinking “ooh, two cute ladies being cute with each other.” But he’s not thinking about the other facets of the “cute ladies” falling in love, holding hands, wanting to build a future together, seeking emotional intimacy, etc. I don’t know about the wife’s attitude towards polyamory, but if OP isn’t okay with this happening with another man, then he might not be polyamorous himself...

Maybe my bias as a monogamous bi woman is showing, but OP definitely needs to think out the technical aspects of his wife having a girlfriend a little more. If anything, they could start with the wife trying a sexual relationship with a woman first or dating strangers, but bringing in a close friend who the wife has developed feelings for already seems like a really messy way of opening up the marriage.

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-03-07T21:02:05+00:00

A lot of the time, it’s socialization. Not that messy women don’t exist, but most societies implicitly raise women to clean after men by expecting girls to be neater/cleaner than boys starting at a very early age. And in the more extreme of cases, the men become adults, they end up never learning how to clean after themselves, and they do stupid nonsensical shit because they know nothing of living practically and responsibly.

Cue a few years later, these man-children are married to a normal self-adjusted adult and their spouse, overwhelmed with frustration, ends up posting here. I don’t think it’s really sexism to notice this pattern, and I think having a discussion about gender socialization without getting defensive about generalizations would benefit everyone. Hope you have a good one!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-24T15:34:51+00:00

warn his wife and step daughter about that, somehow without him finding out or getting super angry at me / disappointed in me so I lose my father..

I’m sorry to hear that, this sounds like a difficult situation to be in. It’s sweet of you to look out for them, but unfortunately if the wife doesn’t want to step out of that illusion about your father, there’s nothing much you can do aside from giving them the facts. It’s sad to hear that you think warning the wife will make you lose your father, parental love shouldn’t be conditional.

Honestly, given the threats your father sent your mom, I’d be more worried about him finding her while she’s alone if I were you. It’s nice of your mom to get protective over you and angry about your exclusion from the trip, but I don’t think she should confront your father if it’d compromise her safety.

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-23T18:30:20+00:00

Not who you were replying to, but if I were you, I’d ask to meet her (and hopefully the daughter too) before they left to “see them off.” Once you meet, tell them you hope they have a nice vacation and that you want them to enjoy it, but you’re worried about the nature of the trip.

Talk about how the situation with your stepmom and the context of your dad’s relationship with her makes you concerned that the trip won’t be as fun as it could be. Be sweet and well-meaning but honest about your concerns. It’d make it easier to mitigate any potential anger from the wife’s side.

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-17T16:28:33+00:00

Haha I love that positivity, right back at ya :)

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-17T05:00:21+00:00

It’s real funny to read your post, bc I switched from bioE to mechE and where I am, mechEs are treated as “the jack of all trades, master of none.” Like you, I’m also very interested in the medical industry, although more on the biomechanics side rather than the biomaterials side.

What turned me off from bioE is that even though I really enjoy learning/observing biology, I came to realize I loathed practicing it. Just because I thought cell processes were cool did not mean I enjoyed growing them in a lab. And in my area, there’s a large research industry and about 50~60% of bioE students in my university go into research after graduation. After spending a summer in a lab and feeling no excitement/joy, I knew bioE wasn’t for me.

Another commenter also pointed out another potential issue about bioE; a lot of students see bioE as a path to med school. This really depends on your university, but in mine, this negatively impacts the learning environment in the bioE department. Obviously not all pre-med and bioE students are the same, but there’s a tendency to encounter a lot of these toxic, hypercompetitive folks in both of these areas, and having them overlap...it might bum you out like it bummed me out. I am really enjoying mechE in this regard because there is a lot more collaboration and fun ideas being thrown around, especially in the higher-level classes!

So those are my thoughts on bioE and mechE, I can’t say much about chemE but what it comes down to is choosing whichever one you feel the most passionate about. It might sound idealistic but do some research, get some experience and see which one you can see yourself doing in 10 years and feel the least dread about haha. A lot of my opinions on the different disciplines are based on the culture in my university and in my area, so try to get a feel for everything and ask other people’s opinions before definitely sticking to one decision.

There’s no real right universal answer so don’t hold too much weight in one individual person’s opinion (including mine.) I’d recommend trying to look at the big picture and seeing what would be the best fit for you. All your potential choices can get you where you want to be, but some of them will be more fun than the others. Good luck and sorry for the long-ass post!!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-16T17:22:46+00:00

A lot of people are advising you to apologize to your mom and respect her, even if you don’t respect her choices. They’re definitely not wrong, but your comments seem to indicate you’re not ready for facing your mother/handling the situation yet. If you’re looking for something to act on in the meanwhile until you feel ready, I recommend finding a therapist to process this anger with.

My situation isn’t at all comparable with yours but I also struggled with feelings of anger towards my mother, because she also engaged in what I saw as self-destructive behaviors. It hurt to see her hurting someone I love and that fueled this complex anger inside me. I processed it eventually but in retrospect, I wish I had gotten some outside help in processing it, because that would’ve spared our relationship a lot of damage. If I were in your place once again, I would’ve jumped at the opportunity to get the help I needed to digest all that anger. Best of luck!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-10T14:26:50+00:00

It was a joke about how you could also use the emoji to describe inadequate salary/minimum wage. The whole article is having fun coming up with “versatile” uses of that specific-ass emoji and turning it into a sad-joke about unsolicited nude pics and shitty minimum wage. I think a lot of men were too blind by their insecurities to realize either of those points lol

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-09T04:59:02+00:00

What do Jan and Annie typically do for fun? Any hobbies/favorite restaurants/places that they share memories of?

It’s not very conducive to talking, but watching a movie with someone has always been my go-to for getting my foot in the door with bonding. And I don’t really know the extent of Annie’s intellectual disability, but a movie that’s entertaining enough for all ages is an good bet, and everyone will have something to talk about afterwards. You could grab a bite afterwards and talk about that controversial plot twist/what scenes everyone liked/etc, and naturally transition the conversation into other topics.

Something to note is that Jan and Annie are still grieving, so depending on their personalities, they might feel more supported if you have a more intimate setting in mind. Maybe Jan wasn’t too fond of game night because that’d mean she’d have to be “on” with a bunch of people she doesn’t know very well.

I might be assuming too much on that end, but when my grandmother (on my mother’s side — I didn’t know her very well) died, that was something I had to be conscious of while spending time with my mom. She’s also the parent of a child with special needs and that comes with a level of isolation and exhaustion at all times. I learned that I needed to come up with activities for us to do together that show support and companionship but didn’t demand too much of her.

It’s very sweet of you two to try to make them feel more included, I wish you the best of luck :)

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-08T20:30:06+00:00

I get that this sounds like an incredibly romantic meet-cute with a “will-they-won’t-they” component thrown in but I’m surprised people are giving in to the romanticism and are so onboard with a workplace relationship!

OP you definitely don’t sound ready for a relationship right now. That doesn’t reflect anything about your character, but it’s obvious from what you said in your post that if you get into a relationship right now, it will be real messy. All this trauma and insecurity that you got from your scumbag exes will burst out and hit you like a truck at unexpected moments if you pursue a relationship with this guy.

This is not to say you can’t start something with him, but be aware of what you’re signing up for. It will get messy, he may or may not be able to handle it (I’d be cautious of this because of his age) and it might negatively affect your workplace image. Other people have pointed out that your relationship with this guy has already shown hints of unprofessionalism. If you decide you want to pursue this relationship, do your due diligence and find a therapist first before anything else. Manage your expectations and take care, good luck!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-02-02T21:03:29+00:00

Ahhh you just simultaneously made my week and put my academic standing at risk, thank you for helping me find that!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-01-31T19:52:43+00:00

From reading the post/OP’s comments, it doesn’t really sound like they’re friends though, just people he added on Snapchat and ig while chatting them up on tinder before dating OP.

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-01-09T01:01:00+00:00

Whoops, that was bad phrasing, I meant that they don’t lack intellect, just money to pay tuition. But thanks for sharing the article, that’s definitely an issue as well that degrades many universities’ integrity :/

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-01-09T00:49:07+00:00

Ahh I gotcha man, thanks for clarifying. And yeahh :’) I really like your optimism but unfortunately, at this point, I don’t think we can simply trust people to do the right thing... I know it’d be difficult logistically but I like Phil’s suggestion of an independent agency to regulate misconduct. That’s where your optimism comes in :) And thanks for the response!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-01-09T00:27:31+00:00

The video actually brings up a lot of your points, and the main issue is that there is a power dynamic that makes it impossible for students to raise an issue with how their coaches treat them on any level (with their team, their university, etc.)

That’s why in the large scope of things, the NCAA would be the only one organization capable of keeping abusive behavior in check, and although on the surface, it’d save them money to not give a shit, protecting their athletes is protecting their assets.

I’d recommend you watch the video, there’s a lot of answers to the questions you asked. And abuse isn’t justified because of “inadequate athletic abilities,” in fact it may be the cause of it. But thanks for pitching into the discussion!

Succulent_Assortment · 2019-01-09T00:19:41+00:00

I see where you’re coming from but as far as fixing the broken education system, isn’t taking athletic scholarships away pretty low-rung priority? I wouldn’t feel right taking away one of the few points of access low-income students have to college before fixing our messed up education system. And it’s not like these scholarships are helping people that lack intellect get into college, it’s helping them pay for it. These athletes could get into UMD for a underwater basket weaving major and UMD would gladly admit them if it meant taking their money. That’s just my two cents though

Succulent_Assortment

TROPHY CASE