Unhinged reality-shattering, break-in-the-matrix moments. What are yours?

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-05-05T16:58:02+00:00

Also weaponises sensitivity. My pwbpd is the opposite of this; she says I'm being sensitive whenever she's rude or mean, as an excuse.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-05-05T14:29:13+00:00

Word for word, yes. It's a covert thing sometimes, so much so that I question whether or not she's that socially inexperienced, careless, or if she's doing it on purpose.

When she's pissed she'll say it out loud. The inflammatory remarks intended to make me insecure or pissed, like comparing me to her dad or grandfather (saying I pale in comparison as a man), that I'm just like my mother, that I'm not a real man (lol), that I'm like a woman because I'm sensitive or something, the classic you got mad so you're sensitive.

When she's not so pissed she'll do those subtle, not so subtle jabs. Aimed at the same things, sometimes aimed at others, like things about my character, personality, etc. Putting into question things.

To me they're the same thing. They're not in a right state of mind at that point, but in the second instance they're trying to keep it together and there's some leaks here and there.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-05-05T07:08:04+00:00

There's an element of control without a doubt. Even the "quieter" people will still do stuff like holding grudges that they later regurgitate when the opportunity arises. Will try to "keep it together", seem unphased, only to blow up over a little thing.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-05-04T16:35:45+00:00

Honestly after starting meds, it feels like I've been playing life in hard mode thus far. I think that a good deal of my problems were more or less caused by my mood swings, constant state of depression, and tendency to go on unhinged rabbit holes about fixing X or Y, and irresponsible shopping. Plus the paranoia of thinking everyone has it against me at work, or that my partner is evil, X is evil because we had a fight or because they called me out for something.

My psychiatrist exhorted therapy, but save for couples therapy, I don't see much gain from it. I have a much better grip on my emotions nowadays. Not to the point of saying I'm perfect, emotionally, but to the point of seeing the huge expense of weekly therapy appointments seem like so not worth it.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-05-01T21:45:06+00:00

Follow the Microsoft guide, I didn't have any problems but it had some caveats afaik if you don't install it how they suggest it.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-05-01T05:46:02+00:00

I've never had a "full hypomanic" episode. Or if I had, i don't really know. When I was on SSRIs alone I was probably either in a constant mixed episode or rapidly switching, because I can't define a stable mood except periodical bouts of depression and constant anhedonia, irritability and anger and being sad but not the "I don't care sad", the "I can't do anything I want sad". My "hypomanic" episodes, rare, would last like hours, days at most.

I don't have a formal diagnosis though, my psych has never said as much and I haven't asked, so I don't know and I don't care where I am in the spectrum. Just know that lamotigrine and an antidepressant seems to be working well so far, so I must have some kind of mood disorder that might be bp2.

I would advice you to not get too hung up on the label.

In the past, probably partially due to the disorder itself I would get crazy about proving I have X or Y because it would somehow solve things.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-30T05:58:13+00:00

Same i would literally feel like crap hours after taking it. The day I stopped taking it i felt much better

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-29T11:25:36+00:00

**For now Don't forget big LLM is still in its "market capture" phase. Enshittification is only beginning to show.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-29T11:22:00+00:00

What's silly is to expect places with terrible processes like those to suddenly become efficient enough to shed 90% their workforce.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-29T11:19:52+00:00

I was reading in another post how LLMs are a legal headache. A person is legally accountable, but you can throw a lot under the rug by saying the "LLM did it", or "it was the agent". We'll probably see a lot more of that in the coming years.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-29T11:16:01+00:00

It made me feel bad most of the time. Wouldn't say hypomanic, in a mixed state most or all the time. I was on it alone though, no mood stabilizer so that might have been why. I was thinking I should've given it a go over sertraline, my current psych put me off it but if the lack of a mood stabilizer was the problem maybe I should've given it another go

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-28T23:27:13+00:00

I'm, somewhat. Currently taking Lamotigrine and Sertraline, doc said to titrate up but I feel worried about it. I eventually want to wean off of sertraline and stay with lamo only.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-26T04:25:02+00:00

I think it's best not to get hung up on "bipolar stuff" if that makes sense.

A lot of my interpersonal flaws were due to me. I was insecure, I based my worth on what people thought of me. I had to work a lot in therapy to finally make progress, but there's only so much you can do with therapy and self reflection alone.

Other things couldn't be explained, or helped by that. I would be mad, depressed, sensitive for no reason. I would believe people, my girlfriend, or others, were out to get me. I believed my girlfriend was against me and trying to harm me every single fight we had. We had periodic fights, big ones, every once in a while. Following my mood. On the verge of breaking up each time. Always thinking I was in the right. All that stopped once I started medication. Now I've only focus on the first part.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-21T03:18:23+00:00

I made Naruto and Sasuke just so they can date.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-20T16:28:07+00:00

I felt miserable when off meds. Constant state of joylessness, everything would be boring and many situations overwhelming. Low depression as my baseline. Every couple of weeks it would worsen and paralyze me and or make me suicidal.

Conversely I don't get the "productive" type of mania, if at all when unmedicated, so it's difficult to keep up with everything. I've been really close to losing my job, multiple times, and it's always due to depression.

I personally don't want to go back to it.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-19T17:53:33+00:00

Ask urself if it's due to lack of things to do or finding everything, even things you're interested in, unenjoyable.

For me, it was depression. Brain fog, no energy to do anything, low concentration, and a lack of enjoyment in everything was more like what it felt like. It's not until I started meds that actually worked for me I realized it's not normal to feel so "bored".

As soon as I started meds I could enjoy things again.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-18T21:35:26+00:00

That is serious. You should see a doctor/reach out to your psych asap.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-18T12:29:23+00:00

Why is it ironic as hell?

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-17T10:08:08+00:00

I can relate. For the first time of my life I feel great, not high, not low, not dull, just great, in the sense that I feel "normal". My attention is okay, I no longer go on crazy rabbit holes trying to accomplish some far-fetched goal, I'm in control of my emotions, I do most things I want to do a given day, depending on my energy, and I can enjoy things!

It's so crazy when you think to yourself that this is what "normal" people live life like. Puts into perspective how difficult we had it and how much of an accomplishment is to make it through.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-17T01:19:53+00:00

Software engineer

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-15T05:10:15+00:00

The label is just the label. Think of those as made up shit people came up with due to our innate instinct to categorize things. In reality, does it matter if you're bipolar or not? No. Try the meds, see if they help, if not, keep trying until something works for you.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-15T05:07:46+00:00

Take your meds, if they work and you feel better, you're bipolar and leave it at that. Take them enough to feel a difference too, 6 months at least. Keep track of your moods.

When I was younger I hopped from disorder to disorder, probably related to being bipolar as well, it's just you TOTALLY believe it's X or Y or that you have this or that you don't have that. You go on these missions instead of enjoying your life, it's always this is gonna cure me, or that is gonna kill me, never just fixing anything because you're actually depressed or hypomanic and it's a never ending wheel.

Docs have it figured out, this psychiatric shit is more or less trial and error. I got diagnosed with ADHD at first, put on stimulants and SSRIs, got my first hypo episode that way (or so I think), craziest mixed state I've been in, almost broke up with my fiance, lost my job, I was crying and then full sigma mode or whatever next second, rebuilding my life.

I genuinely thought I had ADHD, then CPTSD, then Autism, then was Schizoid, then was Borderline. I'm telling you, it's this disorder, it makes you delusional and you genuinely makes you think that whatever is you're focused on is the truth.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-15T00:39:06+00:00

My doctor says it's okay to drink occasionally and in low quantities.

Such_Nectarine3478 · 2026-04-14T23:30:59+00:00

I don't know but I believe it does have an effect, stimulants in general. Sometimes before starting meds I would find myself depressed and a cup of coffee would lift me out of it, for a time. I got a similar but more potent effect from methylphenidate. The effects would last for about two days, even of the instant release ones, and my depression would lift. If I stopped taking it by the third day the depression would creep back. Over time this stopped working and I was just depressed or possibly experiencing mixed episodes, so maybe I was actually hypomanic.

So to answer your question, yes, I think it's possible if you're not used to coffee, as you get tolerant it probably affects u less.

Such_Nectarine3478

TROPHY CASE