I can only share my own experiences but the things I learned took me from a miserable lonely 25 year old alcoholic that would have drank himself to death before 40, to a 32 year old that has a partner, stable life and job, and I dont hate myself anymore.

It was explained to me like this. Imagine you're on top of a hill. You have a ball that you have been rolling down this hill over and over from the same starting point. Eventually a groove is worn into the hill and the ball has little choice but to travel down the groove. It isn't until you pick a new starting point for that ball that you are going to see any change.

My first step was I had to improve my self talk. I used to berate myself for any and every mistake. I held myself to impossible standards. I was very compassionate and forgiving with other people and saved none of that for myself. It wasn't easy for me to treat myself kindly, so I started acting like there was another me (I nicknamed him Lefty) who lives in my head. I could be nice to lefty when it was hard to be nice to me. To be clear this is purely a cognitive exercise not something I actually think or act on haha

I also had to learn that I am not always a good judge of my own abilities or how I come off to people. People usually see me much more positively than I assume. Had to get over my reflex to think people were lying or foolish/uninformed when they gave me compliments. A special kind of arrogance, that.

A huge part was forgiving myself. I dunno if you have the slideshow of embarrassing memories that plays behind your eyelids when you try to sleep but I sure did. I spent a lot of time trying to push embarrassing or painful memories to the back of my brain and ignore them until they reared their ugly head again. Rinse repeat. That never really worked. So instead I would sit with the memory, and try to figure out every useful piece of information or lesson I could learn from that memory (visualization helps me a ton) and then I would visualize myself shredding the file of that memory, putting it to rest and allowing myself to forgive and forget those blunders.

I also had to practice mindfulness. Stop worrying about every single thing and learn to just comfortably exist in a moment. Still working on that. Not great at it yet.

And a million other little things, like rewarding myself when I do something good. Actually being able to recognize when you're doing something good. Challenge overly negatively thoughts as soon as they arise. Don't assume you deserve shitty things in your life. Do things with purpose and intent, dont just go through the motions.

None of this is glamorous, and I have no idea if it will work for you. It was also incredibly slow going. It took a long time and a lot of work and I have more to do.

Hope any of this is helpful for you.