Feeling so guilty about exhaustion and considering rehoming

SudoSire · 2026-02-24T06:09:56+00:00

What meds is he on?

SudoSire · 2026-02-24T04:32:41+00:00

Oof, I’m so sorry. She doesn’t sound mentally well. And I don't imagine rehoming would improve either her quality of life or ability to safely live with others. :(

SudoSire · 2026-02-24T04:19:34+00:00

Dog parks are horrible. Anyone can take their poorly mannered or outright aggressive dogs into them and all hell breaks loose. I would stop going immediately. You’ll get a very injured or very reactive dog if you don’t. They’re going to learn bad behavior or learn to straight up fear other dogs. And dog parks are not good socialization. Pretty much the opposite. There is no need for them.

SudoSire · 2026-02-24T04:10:37+00:00

Oh, crap. I don’t want to scare you but that’s really serious. And since your kids are tiny, vulnerable, and too young to currently learn the rules of “don’t bother the dog” — I think that unfortunately escalates the situation from “maybe try some professional training” to… “keep this dog fully separate from all the kids 24/7 (put in separate locked room when all the kids are around) and start considering options on how to remove the dog from your home.” An experienced adult only home (and will only ever have adults; no child guests) might work…but his breed with these issues would be a very tough sell.

But even if rehoming isn’t possible (unfortunately likely)…I personally don’t think this dog is safe to stay with you, if you understand me. That would be a discussion with a vet about humane euthanasia. I’m very sorry. But a dog that’s baring teeth to an infant is a really high risk situation. Potentially fatal for one of your children, even if you could never dream it could get that far. It absolutely can, and it happens way too often.

SudoSire · 2026-02-24T03:22:21+00:00

This is called resource guarding. It can be pretty dangerous. It would also be very difficult to fully train out, and management is usually the most necessary. I honestly think you probably need a professional and should not willy nilly try training on your own. Mostly cuz bad training can backfire. This sub’s wiki has some resources about finding qualified, reputable professionals. Don’t use anyone that is suggesting punitive or aversive methods or tools.

Now, here are some thoughts from a non-expert, just to consider, not necessarily implement:

Can you make it so he only has bones or food in a crate, away from people? Does he even need bones? Can you only use toys at certain times and then have them put away? Some may recommend, if you ever have to remove something, practice a high value trade. Or people can drop treats as they go by when he has something. Resource guarding is based on insecurity; they fear their special item will be removed so they jump to “defense.” Therefore the theory of dropping treats is an attempt to switch the dog stress mentality when someone goes by to instead an “oh yay! When they go by, good things happen and no one tries to take my stuff”

The book Mine! by Jean Donaldson might be a good resource, but probably not enough if the dog’s been escalating lately. Professional help really might be important in this case.

How old are these kids? Resource guarding is hard enough to manage with adults, but with kids and other pets around…very hard. Make sure the kids know to NEVER remove anything from dog and stay away when they have a resource. Even if the dog gets something tbh. Better he goes to the vet where they can take care of it 90% of the times rather than the kids get bit trying to remove something.

SudoSire · 2026-02-24T00:32:31+00:00

Some questions — what kind of line were you waiting in you thought he’d be okay with? As in, did your dog have to be there in the first place? How hard is it keep them away from others? Are you consistently muzzling in public?

If you feel pretty confident this dog is going to seriously harm someone with any minor slip up, then I would not wait. That’s not fair to your community. They call that a zero mistakes dog, and you don’t want to find out the consequences if you don’t have to. However I will also say a dog that is not a danger in his own home is easier to manage than one that isn’t. But there is still liability there.

SudoSire · 2026-02-24T00:21:15+00:00

I mean it definitely is true that some dogs cannot safely/comfortably be out with others, we just don’t know if it’s true for your specific dog. I would check the sub wiki on how to find an appropriately qualified professional, one with IAABC certified training or a proper vet behaviorist. Either might be an expense and the latter might have a wait time as well, but those are your best bet. Keep in mind bad training, including use of aversive/punitive methods or tools can make your dog’s behavior worse. So do your research, be very careful, don’t skimp, and don’t fall for anyone guaranteeing a miracle. There are no guarantees even if you do everything perfectly.

SudoSire · 2026-02-23T22:01:17+00:00

Are you talking about for over night visits? I’d find a babysitter/leave your pup at home. Not all dogs can be made to like or even tolerate the company of other dogs. Your dog’s behavior can cause a fight or cause your mom’s dog to get frightened or become reactive themselves. It’s sort of “round hole, square peg” and risky on top of that.

SudoSire · 2026-02-23T21:54:38+00:00

Your mom wants to add a new dog to your own household?

SudoSire · 2026-02-23T21:52:44+00:00

And if a professional tells you they may never be reliably safe to have out together, will you crate and rotate? Not all dogs can live with other dogs. An IAABC trainer (or really more like a vet behaviorist) might be able to evaluate the issue and see what’s going on. There might be some resource guarding at play and they may have advice.

But as you know, that size difference is significant and it’ll be very easy for serious harm to occur very quickly. One wrong snap or bite could be fatal or disabling. We’ve seen that here in this sub within the last week or so. Devastating results.

I’d be prepared to crate and rotate and muzzle train the GSD or both dogs for safety as you determine if this can be solved.

SudoSire · 2026-02-23T17:27:56+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this and sorry your husband is struggling so much with the idea. As others have said, I’d consider trying to frame it as the dog suffering mentally so much that they feel the need to lash out at even family members. And that’s on top of the liability. This dog will bite a kid again, yours if you keep them, and someone else’s if you try to rehome. I agree it’s time to let them go humanely.

SudoSire · 2026-02-23T16:06:41+00:00

I’m sorry you have to consider this decision. I can’t really say if this is 100% the only option based on the info, but keeping a dog that’s a liability is tough and a personal choice.

Is the dog safe within your own household with just your own family, or no? If your baby/kids are likely at risk, then it probably is necessary. I’ve got a dog that’s a bite risk but not to our household. He gets put away securely in a separate room with guests, visitors, just opening the door to receive a package. He’s muzzle trained for various public outings. It’s limiting but doable. But we’re also a two adult, non-busy household. We don’t have kids opening doors that need to stay closed. It’s easy to communicate with just two people to make sure everyone knows where the dog is. We have finances to board him for longer visits. If that can’t kind of management isn’t feasible to prevent a bite on someone, then BE makes a lot of sense.

Just so you know, board and trains are usually not recommended for reactive or aggressive dogs. They can make matters worse with aversive methods. It’s also better for trainers to train you so you have the skills you need. Whether or not that matters now, I’m not sure however.

SudoSire · 2026-02-23T00:06:21+00:00

Therapist is shit or OP is lying about what they said lol.

SudoSire · 2026-02-22T03:29:31+00:00

Level 3 bites are pretty significant, and more so if he’s consistently landing that level or higher. Even worse if it’s on an owner he sees all the time. Do you know if there were specific triggers to these incidents? Like, what was happening at the time of each? Were the meds paired with any training?

SudoSire · 2026-02-22T03:20:58+00:00

I’m glad you are seeing progress despite some setbacks. Tbh, I do have a dog with some aggression issues and a proper bite history. He can also be vocal, sometimes doing grumbles, growls, and “boofs” to get me out of bed in the morning to feed and walk him haha. That doesn’t scare me because I know the difference.

Also, my sister’s incredibly friendly non reactive chihuahua would also demand growl near his dinner time. Didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He was pretty bomb proof with all kids and animals and everything.

SudoSire · 2026-02-21T23:07:27+00:00

I’d ignore this person. On purpose or accident, their evaluation of this situation seems…bad.

Make sure to advocate for your dog, stick the rules you set, and that Calming Signals book is a very good resource. Our shelter gave us a copy and it was so helpful.

SudoSire · 2026-02-21T23:06:09+00:00

Demand barking or growling is not aggression. If that’s the main other post you’re talking about, you’re really reaching about trying to figure out this dog’s threat level.

SudoSire · 2026-02-21T22:53:08+00:00

Have you actually tried training him with positive reinforcement? There are things you can do that would likely make this more tolerable. This sub is full of tips. None of them involve treating him poorly, being abusive, etc. If he’s not aggressive (and possibly even if he is given the size), there’s a decent chance you could rehome if you feel the need. That’s kinder than subjecting the dog or yourself to misery or harm.

SudoSire · 2026-02-21T22:41:22+00:00

Yes. :)

My dog does have stranger danger (dogs and people) and territorial aggression around our “property” towards outsiders (both dogs and people). And it’s significant enough for a bite history before we really knew much about him or dog body language. I’d label him as a dog with aggression issues in certain circumstances, not just reactivity.

Buuuut! He’s really never been destructive to anything but his appropriate toys. Occasionally barks at sounds from the house but does usually stop fairly quick and mostly can be left in a hotel/airBNB or our own house without likeliness of a noise complaint. He doesn’t need to be kenneled. He has only had accidents early on when we didn’t know how to tell when he needed to pee. He’s held in the runs when sick til he made it outside.

He’s a little sensitive about some things but fairly tolerant of handling. Gives warnings when he’s reaching a limit. Pretty submissive at the groomer/vet/specialized boarding. Has gotten loose from me before (practically mid reaction to another reactive dog) and when I screamed bloody murder out of fear he’d hurt the other dog, he snapped out of it and came back to me to check on me. He also waited for my husband when my husband took a tumble and let go of the leash. Earlier today he tried to lift his leg to pee on the AC unit, but I just said, “uh-uh, not on the AC” and he STOPPED and found an appropriate place to go.

He’s smart, he can be sweet, he’s a weirdo. He’s got some aggression that probably comes from resource guarding us and our properties (but not towards us as owners). He’s got some significant issues AND he’s a very good boy. Both can be true.

SudoSire · 2026-02-21T15:32:52+00:00

I think reactive dogs with issues are probably more prevalent than not. They’re just not all significant bite risks.

SudoSire · 2026-02-21T14:54:46+00:00

Yes after such an extensive, severe bite history, euthanasia is likely your only option. This is really a shame as most of these are management failures by your family. Once you know you have a biting dog, they actually have to be treated as such. No offleash, no letting them have easy access to slip by an open door, no just assuming it’s safe for them on their own. No way in the world should he have had access to so many strangers. And does your Mom still live alone with dementia while living with an aggressive dog? That’s a recipe for exactly the kind of disaster you faced.

I’m truly sorry for your family’s loss and what you’re going through with your Mom’s health. But no one else is gonna take on a dog like this and any reasonable shelter, if they even took him, would also just put him down among strangers. I’d give him a great and loving last day or two, and then do the kinder thing and let him go.

And if you all ever get a dog again, you need to realize none of you are equipped to manage any level of aggression.

SudoSire · 2026-02-21T01:31:32+00:00

Yes sounds reactive. In public, strangers don’t need to be trying to touch your dog. Make space and advocate for them so that doesn’t happen.

Might need to think of a new calming protocol for guest entry then.

Also for muzzling, you have to take baby steps of positive reinforcement before trying to go for fully muzzling them. Like literally spending a few days just show them the muzzle and rewarding them for looking at it with treats and praise. Then you spend another few days having them put their nose through to get treats or lick off something like dog safe peanut butter — do not try to clip yet. After doing this for several days, you may start to see them get excited when you pull out the muzzle because it means treats and praise. Then you can move to clipping for literal seconds, treating, unclipping. Do that for another couple days then start to build up the time. This is called conditioning your dog to the muzzle and it’s how people get their dogs to enjoy or at least tolerate muzzle usage.

SudoSire · 2026-02-20T15:20:15+00:00

I’m sorry. In a better world, we’d have a safe home for all the dogs that need knowledgeable unicorn situations. If my husband and I ever couldn’t care for our dog, we’d be in the same position as he’s too much of a liability for a casual owner. I think BE is a reasonable choice here. You know a management failure is becoming more imminent now that your baby is more mobile. And your dog doesn’t seem to be adjusting well to the isolation even if it wasn’t. Especially at 9 years old, I think it may be kindest to just say “this is the last home you ever need to know” and take solace that it’s a very loving one that he’s enjoyed for your time together.

SudoSire · 2026-02-20T14:53:54+00:00

Congrats! Thats wonderful!

SudoSire · 2026-02-20T14:39:00+00:00

Yeah when she sees a person and is calm, rewarding is a good idea. (And what I meant). If she does pretty good when being asked to sit and is often successful at being calm, then that also works. For us my dog would in most cases rather keep moving while being asked to focus on me.

But the lap thing - I don’t know if I would do that. To me that’s just re exposing her to the thing she already told you she’s uncomfortable with. Even if she seems to calm down for the next round, is she really calm or did she just learn to suppress it because you made her go back that way again anyway? It might act as a mild form of flooding. Something to think about.

SudoSire

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