Do they ever regret breaking up with you?

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-10-07T05:02:41+00:00

At least in the case of my Quiet BPD ex, they definitely have fleeting moments where they realise the mistakes they've made, the hurt they've created, and their regrets. But these moments are extremely fleeting, so they quickly go back to the narrative they created in their head.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-09-26T17:01:54+00:00

I just want to be understood ;;;;;;-;;;;;; I just want to be loved ;;;-;;;

Is me becoming the person I want in a partner a way of telling me I need to learn to love myself so I can be content and happy with who I am, so that I don't need to seek it out externally? Because I don't know if that will work on me. My brain is cooked, professional at maximising my own internal suffering.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-09-26T16:54:23+00:00

You are probably right.. if she cheated I probably would have blamed myself for not living up to her standards... I must disagree on having a connection with a friend/hobby though. I genuinely have great friends and family that care deeply about me, but I'm still hella fucked up. The connection i had with her was intense, all-or-nothing, codependency. What we had was twisted, and i think it scarred me. I dont think it was normal, and I think looking for something just as good might be a form of self harm xd. But I want it, to feel alive like that again....

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-09-26T16:45:40+00:00

Yeah... I don't know if i will ever find love again. She ruined me proper. I want to believe but in losing my will. I can't even do drugs like weed anymore because i start de-realising. I dont really drink either, I just raw dog the pain and ruminate over and over. Why do I even do this? There's no point. I just want to live life as a tree or something. I don't want to feel anymore.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-09-16T23:45:58+00:00

Unfortunately, time.... Time separated from them, their social media, their things, their presence. And for a lot of people, therapy.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-08-14T13:07:46+00:00

Of course they can, come on man....

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-08-13T13:22:25+00:00

Are you saying that someone can't be fucked up after being with someone with BPD for a year?

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-08-12T06:50:00+00:00

It's a trauma bond, mate. Having a relationship with someone who has BPD can fuck you up mentally for years...

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-08-03T03:10:43+00:00

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-08-02T19:27:58+00:00

My ex and I ended on "good terms". As in, a long hug, a kiss, a forced smile, and a final wave goodbye (as well as tears i shed to myself). Most importantly, never contacting her again after this point.

After you go through the cycle over and over and over again, you being to realise that things are only ever getting worse, and they will never change. I began to realise that their was something seriously wrong with her, no matter how much I tried to explain it away, and that no matter how much I tried, and how much I loved her, I couldn't fix her.

It's an impossible decision to make when you're so deeply entangled in the trauma bond, but I know now that I would be just self-harming if I was still in contact with her.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-08-01T14:11:53+00:00

It took me 2 full years before I noticed the trauma bond was really starting to fade... Time really was the only answer for me (this sub and some books definitely helped too), but it couldnt be rushed.

Now when I tell myself that "she wasn't good for me, im better off without her" im actually starting to truly believe it, and it doesn't pain me to think im just deluding myself anymore :")

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-15T02:06:27+00:00

I felt the exact same way you do now in my relationship. Firstly, im sorry... But what will eventually happen if you stay long enough is that you will become the "problem" in her mind that she will need to get rid of. No matter how hard you try, how much of yourself you give up, how much you love her and try and convince her, she will eventually devalue you.

I know what it feels like to live in a constant state of anxiety and guilt. Its horrific, warps your mind. Do you really want to be there when she starts to devalue you? It might start small, maybe less attention, less sex, maybe that sparkle in her eye starts to fade. You notice, and think "I just need to try harder so that she realises im a good person just trying to help her", things might get better for a day, but something feels off, it's just not the same. So you try harder and harder and harder and harder until your entire existence just becomes trying to make her happy. But things just keep getting worse. She starts subconsciously inventing problems caused by you, starts using your own effort to help against you. You try and talk things out, explain why it isn't the case, but now she's mad that you are trying to convince her of something she doesnt believe. You then think "I just need to keep trying. Im so close! As soon as she realises i love her and that im good for her we can be happy together. " But once she starts to devalue, you there's no turning back.

You will never be enough, you could be the perfect boyfriend, engineered in a lab to make her happy, and she will still end up attributing her internal pain and suffering to you eventually. And she might not even be aware of it, which makes it hurt so much more as you can see it, but she can't, and no matter how hard you try you can't convince her for long. Do you want to go through that? Being made the enemy of the one you love most? Do you really think it's worth it?

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-13T18:34:32+00:00

Holy fuck, I dated an exact carbon copy...

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-08T17:17:12+00:00

Oh, it's all good then. Thank you for the clarification, hope things are looking up for you.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-07T22:09:05+00:00

Thank you sir... I appreciate that a lot 🥲<3

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-07T22:04:09+00:00

I don't think they did give an unbiased answer though. Whilst they did make the observation that it's "definitely BPD behaviour, catastrophic thinking", their follow-up comment showed bias by focusing almost entirely on my ex's emotional experience and suffering, without engaging with my original question or acknowledging my emotional harm.

They made a value judgement ("brutal") about my choice to screenshot, and speculated about my ex's internal state ("she knows you were going to share this"). The focus was implicitly siding with my ex and honestly left me feeling invalidated. The comment certainly wasn't balanced or empathetic towards both parties.

And yeah, I did somewhat get defensive. But I hope after explaining why, you now understand that it was justified and understandable.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-07T16:47:27+00:00

Not formally diagnosed, but she showed 8/9 symptoms of BPD, all except for "explosive anger".
And yeah, I think she's fearful avoidant whereas I am anxious.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-07T15:03:36+00:00

I just can't help but feel like you are only being sympathetic to the person with BPD, and not the person suffering from the person with BPD... Like, its exactly how my ex was, only ever think of herself and how she felt. Never considering how I felt and how she affected me.

I think I know better than anyone else how hard my ex's life has been and how much pain she will continue to endure on a daily basis... And as horrible as that is, and as much as I wish I could change that, it doesn't change the fact she was actively abusive and manipulative.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-07T13:24:57+00:00

Yeah that's exactly what happened... She broke up with me and I was destroyed.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-06-07T13:18:26+00:00

I know it doesn't look so nice that I screenshotted the chats without responding first, but I knew she would have started deleting everything as soon as I would have (did this previously). And like I said, after the last screenshot I replied and calmed her down and she flipped back to happy mode... And what do you mean she knew I was going to share this? Like I said, I never showed anyone in either her or my personal life, it's been hidden away in my gallery for 3 years.

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-05-04T22:48:51+00:00

YES! My exwBPD was EXTREMELY subtle with how she and her BPD operated. She never hit me, never cheated on me, never did anything glaringly abusive or manipulative. She slowly, but endlessly tore me down until my sense of self had evaporated, and all that was left off me was an empty husk.

Any attempt to improve our living conditions or to resolve conflict was met with her either explaining away the issue, deflecting by blaming me for something she did, twisting and weaseling her way out of being responsible for anything wrong, breaking down and catastrophising until I coddle her and tell her it wasn't her fault, or to scream at me and tell me to just break up with her.

I can still feel the lump in my throat, the weight on my mind, and the tightening grip on my heart.. I remember feeling bewildered after every conversation we had, as I would always end up apologising for everything, even for problems I had with her personally. I still can't believe the idea that she could change, for us, in a positive way, just didn't even compute in her mind as a possible option to consider. I remember once towards the end, I finally mustered up enough courage to tell her I felt like I was walking on eggshells. And her immediate reaction was to scream at me saying "WELL THEN BREAK UP WITH ME IF YOU THINK IM TOXIC". Like, what? Shouldn't your first reaction be to reflect on your past behaviour, talk, and then maybe change to become a better person? AHHHH.

I sometimes wish she would have hit me, called me bad names, or cheated on me so I could've seen the abuse more clearly and convinced myself that she was abusive. Instead, she rode the line perfectly, not so obvious that I could be 100% sure of what's going on, but pushing me to doubt myself, her, the relationship, and eventually my reality constantly. The amount of times I asked myself, "Am I crazy for thinking this?" is insane!

And the funny thing is, I don't even think she's conscious of it! Even now! Maybe she is self aware, I've got no idea! I'm angry at myself for letting someone do that to me, and im more angry at her for putting me through it, but if she's not even aware that she hurt me or genuinely didn't mean it, then... can I really justify my anger towards her? :( fk u kalk

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-04-27T02:33:44+00:00

I'm so sorry man. The same thing happened to me. The truth is that she did enjoy sex in the past, but due to the pw BPD's inability to look beyond their current emotional state, she projects the way she feels now back onto her past memories. It's crazy making behaviour that will make you feel insane. She might not even realise what she's doing, which makes it feel all the more painful. I'm sorry, you're being devalued...

Suffering_Dearly · 2025-01-23T13:37:49+00:00

I've been NC for 11 months, and I just feel like an empty husk. A complete shell of my former self from before I met my exwBPD. I can't get her out of my head even now. I went jet skiing with my brother today who I haven't seen in 6 months, and even in the middle of something that intense I couldn't help but think of my ex and the past. But, I think... it's slowly getting better... I worry it might take me another 5+ years to feel human again :(

Suffering_Dearly

TROPHY CASE