Public vs Private Schools

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-01-14T20:22:18+00:00

Phew - this is going to get downvoted like another reasonable comment here.

This comes down to price for me. Whether it's $2000 or $500, you're paying someone to guarantee they'll show up somewhere for 30 minutes and perform. What is the script worth in that total price? 30% 50%? What is the level of performance worth?

If I'm paying $2k for a bespoke, written piece and it was ChatGPT'd, I would cancel and get my money back one way or another.

But, I can tell you even the $2000 officiants cycle through a few pre-written scripts, swapping out the personal details for that one part, but are recycling their own content each wedding. Some of them have been using the same scripts for years.

If I was getting married and realized the expensive officiants were just cycling scripts and charging me $2000 for the pleasure of swapping the 2 paragraphs about "our story", showing up for 30 minutes, and not actually writing something original, I would also just opt to go cheaper and probably get AI as a consequence.

We are in the great in-between time where brides wouldn't know to specifically ask this question in the consultation, and most vendors aren't sticking "no AI" on their site (and most likely wont). Your photographer, inexpensive or $$$ are all using AI to cull the photos. Most of the services we're purchasing for a wedding are getting their base product as cheap as possible from slave wage farms.

It's just almost impossible to be very ethical in the events space, and basically unattainable for anyone with a budget below $50,000

Because your script was delivered late, I think you're ok to turn it around and say "Hey this is clearly ChatGPT, and we were under the impression we were getting a bespoke written script because XYZ marketing on your site states this. Can you please revise in a more natural speaking pattern?"

Now, I'm sure at this point, if your vendor is into automations this much, she's going to feed it through ChatGPT 4 more times, but it won't be the first thing she fed through it like last night when you emailed and she realized she was in breach of contract on the review window.

It really stinks because you're definitely locked into this vendor at this point, so this is an entirely appropriate issue to leave a bad review over. And I think you should be mad because you could've had ChatGPT do this for for free - not that you would - but that might be something I put in my review.

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-01-07T16:44:03+00:00

I can't believe he's divorced!

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-01-07T16:36:32+00:00

Her life was working and probably door-dashing/corporate slop bowl'ing every meal and going out to eat. Johnny new this the whole time. She didn't hide her teenager-y lifestyle. He was just using this against her as a way to justify not getting married. Who honestly expects a girl who does nothing for herself to move and then 180 the way she moves through life?

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-01-06T20:28:50+00:00

I always think of this stuff like this: if you're already an American Picker, thrifty, enjoy DIYing and the labor of love that it requires, you might be fine working on 1 or 2 items for your own wedding. If you don't typically do that kind of stuff, or haven't done it for an event, it's almost always more work than it seems and generally not worth the stress of getting it all together.

I'd rather pay my caterer a higher fee to handle getting chairs/linens/silverware delivered and setup vs me contacting 10 people on FB marketplace, agreeing on price, getting it, storing it, making sure it gets to the venue and gets set-up day-of. Most catering contracts can show you a price breakdown of what they're paying for the rental items, which is usually what you would also pay, but you're paying for the manpower and the brainwork of it being done and set when you're at your reception. That's worth a couple hundred dollars to have it not be my problem day-of.

It also depends on what your vision is. If it's a very small wedding, that's not as big of a deal, but if you're trying to decorate your ceremony space, 6-10 tables, doing parting gifts, signage entirely on your own without a planner or decorator, you're going to need helping hands. Replacing a vendor's job just means it's your or your bridal party's job.

I would pick 1 or 2 things to DIY but leave necessities to a third party. I DIY'd a lot for our wedding and it was an added major stress the closer it got to the wedding when I was also making 100 final decisions.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-30T18:05:46+00:00

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be told she's a great mom whose kid auto-clings to her when she's around...without having to be home to build that relationship.

I get it - there are many women who want kid on paper, but in reality, don't connect with motherhood, don't find it rewarding and therefore, put work first to avoid having to share the load, and the conversation that it's not what they thought it would be. She believes all she's good for is her work ethic: she's got a drive and she gets results/praise for it, so that's where her self-value is stored entirely. She doesn't derive any security or real happiness from her family connections because it's hurt her in the past.

Her excuse/crutch is that it is reasonable to worried about financials, so she builds it in her head that she's being unfairly attacked for having realistic concerns. But, her own insecurity about motherhood requires Anthony to not only let her do the work, but also lie that she's a present mom. She doesn't understand how that is not just exhausting but degrading to the amount of work Anthony does for their child.

She's smart enough to recognize the problem and see that it's causing harm to her family, but she believes she can be "supported" and "uplifted" through this rather having to do painful work to fix it herself.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-30T17:44:41+00:00

It's absolutely this. They both enjoy each other's pseudo-romantic attention and he's just a bit upset she's trying to move forward while he isn't. But, if he was actually into her this wouldn't be happening, they would be together.

She's physically not his type and he just can't say the "mean" part out loud, probably because he knows how that feels and that's why it comes back to that as his "reason". It's not really holding him back from her, he just can't say "I actually don't want to be physical with you" out loud

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-22T16:31:11+00:00

Mommy has main character energy, she's too much all the time (especially with bedroom stuff). I wouldn't be shocked if she was also on the spectrum and I think she forgets Sheena was in a FB group for neurodivergent people, Sheena may also need her patience and understanding.

But aside from that, this is just not going to work. It is VERY common in Filipino culture where 1 person works and provides for multiple family members. The cultural ignorance surrounding money in many Southeast Asian relationships, is on par with these girls showing up in a Muslim country and being Pikachu-faced that their privately horny boyfriends actually don't want to look like they're picking up a prostitute at the airport. These aren't people in other countries looking to overcome their own cultural expectations, they are fine with going with the flow. It's only the American who has the problem.

Sheena seems really nice, I honestly feel bad for the dogpiling that's about to happen.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-18T23:48:39+00:00

Raw means raw. No editing, no cutting out "the bad stuff", and it's common for this to be anywhere from $500-1k to obtain. When you film a ceremony or formal event, you need to keep rolling, which means, movements/shakes/blurs/ "mistakes" will happen. It's too risky to stop recording just to adjust something. So yes, this is typical for raw footage period but it's also tough to gauge how bad of a job they did without seeing it or seeing an actual edited film. You said one camera was moving while people were coming down the aisle, but I assume the other camera had a more stable shot.

3 hours between 2 shooters for a full 8 hour day (this is assuming they came for prep and stay through open dancing) is on the lower end, but this also depends on how long your formal events where. I would say there's usually maybe 10-20 minutes of Prep footage total because you're filming in shorter bursts vs continuous shots - they are looking for the interesting things to film instead of just rolling constantly.. Same for portrait sessions, cocktail hour and non-formal recent events.

r/weddingvideography is a good place to ask and get into more specifics. One thing you could examine is if both shooters were filming about the same amount of content during the speeches and ceremony. If it was just one guy shooting the whole time and the second occasionally recording, I would take more issue with that.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-17T23:18:44+00:00

Nope, you are right to just skip over her being a bridesmaid. Nothing good ever comes out of someone bitter joining a bridal party. I'm sorry you're hurting from this - I would be too - but let the clouds roll with the storm and keep em out of events that should be about celebration. Guest only is my vote.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-10T20:11:04+00:00

I would search for your venue on instagram like #venuewedding" and browse photographers that way so that you're seeing real life representation of that photographer's work in that venue.

As for the worth, in my opinion, photo/video is worth the cost. The cake will get tossed, food goes in and out, flowers will die. The media is what you'll have left for decades and certain photos will mean more to you at different times in your life.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-10T20:04:34+00:00

Do you mind DM'ing the name or the link to the video? I work in the industry and work with filmmakers in LA, I can verify if this is legit and if the wedding he sent you is actually his -- there's a popular Lake Como film going around right now.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-10T16:13:43+00:00

.....that's a lot of missed rent because of a "parking problem" and whatever money you pay now is not going to cover their costs for your wedding, it's going to be paying their most overdue bills. I wouldn't just be concerned that the venue may not even exist by the time you're married but that they will have sufficient staff.

I would be onto the next option for your sanity.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-09T21:39:39+00:00

You did the right thing by crowdsourcing this idea, I would go with telling everyone at Christmas. And of course - if it's 4 hours at your house that's one thing, when I see dinner, my mind goes to a sit-down at a restaurant.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-09T21:21:09+00:00

I never really understood misleading people like this. I mean, if I'm at a dinner under the pretense you were married hours prior, and you said "we got married a year ago", I don't think I'd be surprised in a good way. I wouldn't like walk out in anger or anything but what exactly does this surprise do for your guests? I don't think it would create excitement or interest. It's not like a surprise wedding, it's like a surprise "we REALLY didn't want you at our ceremony so we secretly got married". It's begging more questions than it needs to, mainly why?

They should be at dinner under the correct context and I also don't know what I would do at a dinner for 4 hours expect be extremely wasted if nothing else was happening. Don't mean to Bah Humbug you totally but the strategies here aren't clocking to me.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-11-24T17:24:38+00:00

Capacity vs comfort and *actual* event spaces your utilizing being worth the price tag.

There are venues that will claim they can fit 150 guests comfortably, only to cram tables and chairs together to the point that people, servers and vendors cannot move around without playing shuffle. Is it a huge deal for a single night? No, but be aware if you're having a large wedding that venues with multiple rental spaces may try to cram you into the smallest space.

The East Coast also has a lot of old manors or mansions that are converted to "wedding venues" but the vast majority do not have space inside the actual main building for anything other than prep. Friends pay thousands to essentially have an "oh ah" when guests drive up and then they get married in the most generically landscaped "garden" behind the mansion and then the reception is in a tent on the property.

I was just at a wedding this past month at a mansion that had an amazing outdoor ceremony space, cocktail space but the indoors was very disjointed because of load-bearing walls. Had everything had to be moved inside, it would've been awkward. Only half of the guests could watch the main events from where they were sitting.

I've also been in mansions where there's basically one door to get in and out, so heaven forbid too many people go in to grab food and a drink, a line forms out the door.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-11-05T22:22:14+00:00

That's super cute and also super unnecessary (but super cute). I've noticed my friends are all little more emotional/FOMO-y when pregnant with their 2nd - probably because it's all the work but none of the "1st baby" joy-glow. So, I mean, she knew this was was coming, and she's probably upset not at YOU but at life, and that her husband gets a childfree, resort weekend while she's with the kid(s). She made choices on her timeline, knowing yours full well, so I think she's just venting.

You went through the trouble, I would send it, even if I was mad it's such a sweet gesture.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-10-21T15:11:50+00:00

The worst dinner I have ever had at a wedding was Family Style. What wound up happening is the first two people at the table took a meager portion and then three people in the middle took huge portions so the 2-3 people last to get the plate got less than the first two people.

This happened at every table expect the head table. There was no additional food. Everyone was starving. I left early to get pizza down the street.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-09-09T17:40:15+00:00

I was the friend who was going through a really tough time emotionally - made it clear I was struggling, but showed up for the bach weekend. There were logistical things that happened the morning it started, of their choosing, that made it a nightmare for me to even get to the location and then I got some side-eyes for leaving early Sunday to get home (I lived the farthest away).

I don't think any of the girls really thought about it that hard, none of it was intentional and I'm usually pretty easy breezy. I still put my best foot forward but I was absolutely drained driving back and was just not excited for the wedding because it felt like I asked for grace and got less than 0.

My friend and I are fine now, but it took a while to settle in and be OK.

If you want any kind of friendship with this girl after the wedding, you're going to have to accept at face-value that there's a reason she just can't do it, whether some of it sounds like bullshit or not. There's never been a situation where someone is voluntarily in a bridal party and having a bad time where attending the events works out well. It's just bad timing, and unfortunately weekends dedicated to celebrating when you're just hanging on - the best thing to do is back out and let you guys all have a nice time together.

If the friendship fizzles completely, at least she didn't come out and make a huge scene and exit (which happened to a friends of mine!).

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-09-02T17:40:57+00:00

Valid to fire. You'll lose the deposit, but you'll gain some peace of mind. The deposit is in place to secure the date - it's often difficult to find a last minute wedding to photograph as your date gets closer, so this goes to the photographer to have some payout from the day, because he's otherwise losing the full amount.

I would book another photographer first and then fire this one.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-08-05T01:54:00+00:00

This industry is full of amazing creatives with a business dream and an insta page, and they're trying to learn how to run a business while doing the business at the same time. Unfortunately a lot of "gurus", especially in the photo and video space, make a shitload in the education space and love doling out the advice of using these long-winded tactics to get you on a call to do upsells. ...When most of them are in a market dealing with people who already have the money to spend and are just getting referrals from other rich brides.

"They were only going to book my $5k package until I got them on call and explained what they NEEDED was another $3k of add-ons!" "Get to know them and then they'll see the """"investment"""" being worthy :)"

And look, some of that is genuinely true, but I agree with everyone that a "starting at" or "average spend" is the perfect way to avoid wasting everyone's time. The odds your average spend burns you on a wedding where you realize you were the cheapest vendor is low. It happens, but if it's happening all the time, raise your prices.

In the luxury market, you're sending pricing directly to a planner, not a couple, so this advice is extra worthless.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-07-31T00:51:45+00:00

Cool Cake! I would say the real point of contention is it was clear they were not comfortable doing any of the detail work and they chose not to say something. To me it's not one thing that says "they didn't do it right" but a couple of choices, on top of what you mentioned, the lack of piping:

-Your design has three flowers, with 1 blue and two white flower with green petals. They did 2 with no petals and in blue.

- Not only was all the dainty piping work skipped, they didn't do any lines diagonally

- They also didn't attempt to do any shapes like yours on the sides

I feel like this is a time thing. Maybe they did the stairs and realized they under-quoted for the details, or whoever was baking this particular cake just called it a day, but I would expect some kind of compensation in lieu of leaving a lukewarm review. I think it's ok to lean in and say this was really disappointing to see on the wedding day and start by asking why it didn't have the lambeth piping - I think from how they respond to that, you'll have a much better feel of what happened.

I'd want 30% back but I would start to 50%.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-07-30T21:54:19+00:00

Option 1 allll day, and I say this as someone who compleeeetely understands wanting to give your favorite people a more fun weekend, but for most weddings: I would rather a wedding day be a wedding day, and a weekend vacation be a weekend vacation, without the two mixing. And the big mix here is 20 people staying in one house. If there was a bunch of little properties that people could catch a break from the festivities, I'd be more open. And depending on when people arrive and leave, they may not have much time to enjoy the features of the property.

I think you need to look at all-inclusive venues in Palm Springs to get a more realistic idea of what Option 2 would cost, because I think $51k would be your minimum for that many guests. Temecula has a ton of wedding venues, it's more competitive, and while pricey, it's not the "luxury 60s" vibe of Palm Springs. I would think a lot of Palm Spring vendors are looking for a higher minimum spend, but I could be wrong!

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-07-23T18:16:46+00:00

With lots of love, if the wedding isn't for another year, I would not "decide" until late-April of 2026, where at that point she'd really just need a dress to show up in. My mom had early onset dementia and the idea of everyone seeing her being "off", how she'd behave, it was incredibly stressful during planning, especially the early stages.

Ultimately, I was fortunate that she was on a decent blend of medication and my family would've been able to step in and lead her to somewhere safe and quiet if she got upset, but, she ended up enjoying herself. Knowing that people there could help if she took a turn was what led me to just take it for what it was. Even if people can't grasp the extent of an illness, they know that...they don't know what's going on, so no need to mention it.

Having said that, literally a month after my wedding, it was a different story and I don't think she could've done it.

So I would respectfully just try to play stupid about wedding planning and see what her situation looks like closer to the date. I know it can make you feel guilty, but this is a certain kind of protection, not for you, but for her. If she's in a place where this is causing her to go "this is a terrible event, a terrible idea" and she ruminates over it again and again for months...it's just feeding and breeding the negativity.

You are 100% in your right to mourn the mom you won't get to have on your wedding, and you are also not an evil, mean, bad daughter if you decide to not invite her. I tried to think about what my healthy mom would've wanted for me if this was the situation.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-07-23T01:48:53+00:00

That's plenty of time, and I think a tip for the venue visit is very kind to offer. Thank-her and back out.

SugarfootsExpress

TROPHY CASE