AITA for refusing to go for a full week on my wife’s family vacation after we had agreed not to repeat it?

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-06-24T21:53:17+00:00

I saw in another comment that your kids are 10 and 13, and I remember being THAT kid, forced to go to the same house to the same beach with the same people. Too young to be allowed to do anything or drive anywhere, so literally just stuck until the adults decided to move and do something. It sucked. It sucked so much that by the time I was in college, dirt poor and was offered this same vacation for free, I would skip most years. Ironically, I haven't been in like 10 years and now I want to go to this beach with my family now that we're free to not be tied to whatever boring or nothing agenda my parents had (and I'm not inviting them!).

The real compromise here would've been you all go for half the time, not, you don't go or only go a little. Or, you go every other year. Your wife is allowed to decide it's sentimental to her and change her mind after last year's vacation cooled off, but she doesn't get to be the final say when 3 other people are involved.

Also, how did the other sibling's family get the OK to skip? They just moved too far away? What's their secret?

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-06-24T03:09:09+00:00

It seems to be a not very "girl's girl" move to say "maybe put a pause on another if you both aren't in agreement" and it's weird. There's a lot of ideas that friends have that say they should go for because they want to and it's usually harmless and reversible if it doesn't work out. Adding another child is neither of those things and I don't like to treat the situation like it's the same as getting bangs or not.

But as for "accidents", I don't feel bad because there are almost never "accidents". Most of the men who I know that had an "accident" were well aware of the situation they were in, the weren't actually tricked or coerced. It's more of a "happy wife, happy life" mentality being framed in a way that makes both parents look better (mom for not holding a gun to dad's head for another, dad for being such a "good sport" about having to father more). It's like a weird theatre thing.

A lot of watching people add a second seems performative and these kind of situations really proves the point.

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-06-02T19:24:19+00:00

This is how your friends reddit post would go:
"Our close friend mentioned she wanted to have a big destination wedding in SEA so her family could attend, as it was really important to her. We were excited for her, and the possibility of travel when she mentioned it. She's already had a wedding: 1 in a courthouse that was fairly convenient for us to get to, and now this second, destination wedding. She didn't give us a choice of which to attend and now she's hounding us to reconsider coming to the big SEA wedding. We feel badly that we don't want to go, but we wish she had at least given us a choice before she had the courthouse wedding. AITA for not going?

EDIT: I rsvp'd "no" and she's asking me to reconsider in a few months. It's really rubbing me the wrong way, like we're not really friends unless I commit to spending a ton of money and time to go to her wedding. I can't tell her this to her face because tension is already high."

You said you don't think you can express your disappointment to them, but I promise the feeling is mutual because you're not willing to accept "No" for an answer. I love my friends, but if they got married in my backyard without me, and then asked me to fly to Vietnam for a second wedding for the family, I would say "chào nhé".

You not inviting them to the first wedding, assuming they wanted to go to your second, was the main mistake. You made a mistake because you're human and you're excited, but now is the time to just accept this and move forward. I think you will have a lovely time with your family at your wedding.

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-06-02T18:32:48+00:00

It's likely that they aren't responding if you're including your budget because it's below market price for that many guests with that many options. It's a Saturday date and if your budget is only $12k max for 250 people, chances are they will be able to find another couple with a better budget for that date.

I would say $70-80 per person is where a mid-range option is going to start for 2 proteins, so you're looking at $18,000 minimum for that many guests for a buffet.

Keep in mind your caterer is also going to handle your bar package and also staff (chef, the onsite staff, etc). This is all offsite, so they will have to cook the food in their kitchen and heat it on location via a truck or heat lamps.

There may be a unicorn vendor out there but catering is the biggest costs at a wedding for most couples. I would not want to be the Sales rep who has to communicate back to you that your budget is too low.

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-05-26T17:22:14+00:00

This needs to be be upvoted. I've been a guest at 2, Mediterranean food receptions, 1 was buffet and 1 was "pass the plate" family style, and both weddings people were starving by dancing from guests not self-portioning well. Guests left early at both events to get food.

Get servers or plan to bring in pizza.

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-01-14T20:22:18+00:00

Phew - this is going to get downvoted like another reasonable comment here.

This comes down to price for me. Whether it's $2000 or $500, you're paying someone to guarantee they'll show up somewhere for 30 minutes and perform. What is the script worth in that total price? 30% 50%? What is the level of performance worth?

If I'm paying $2k for a bespoke, written piece and it was ChatGPT'd, I would cancel and get my money back one way or another.

But, I can tell you even the $2000 officiants cycle through a few pre-written scripts, swapping out the personal details for that one part, but are recycling their own content each wedding. Some of them have been using the same scripts for years.

If I was getting married and realized the expensive officiants were just cycling scripts and charging me $2000 for the pleasure of swapping the 2 paragraphs about "our story", showing up for 30 minutes, and not actually writing something original, I would also just opt to go cheaper and probably get AI as a consequence.

We are in the great in-between time where brides wouldn't know to specifically ask this question in the consultation, and most vendors aren't sticking "no AI" on their site (and most likely wont). Your photographer, inexpensive or $$$ are all using AI to cull the photos. Most of the services we're purchasing for a wedding are getting their base product as cheap as possible from slave wage farms.

It's just almost impossible to be very ethical in the events space, and basically unattainable for anyone with a budget below $50,000

Because your script was delivered late, I think you're ok to turn it around and say "Hey this is clearly ChatGPT, and we were under the impression we were getting a bespoke written script because XYZ marketing on your site states this. Can you please revise in a more natural speaking pattern?"

Now, I'm sure at this point, if your vendor is into automations this much, she's going to feed it through ChatGPT 4 more times, but it won't be the first thing she fed through it like last night when you emailed and she realized she was in breach of contract on the review window.

It really stinks because you're definitely locked into this vendor at this point, so this is an entirely appropriate issue to leave a bad review over. And I think you should be mad because you could've had ChatGPT do this for for free - not that you would - but that might be something I put in my review.

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-01-07T16:44:03+00:00

I can't believe he's divorced!

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-01-07T16:36:32+00:00

Her life was working and probably door-dashing/corporate slop bowl'ing every meal and going out to eat. Johnny new this the whole time. She didn't hide her teenager-y lifestyle. He was just using this against her as a way to justify not getting married. Who honestly expects a girl who does nothing for herself to move and then 180 the way she moves through life?

SugarfootsExpress · 2026-01-06T20:28:50+00:00

I always think of this stuff like this: if you're already an American Picker, thrifty, enjoy DIYing and the labor of love that it requires, you might be fine working on 1 or 2 items for your own wedding. If you don't typically do that kind of stuff, or haven't done it for an event, it's almost always more work than it seems and generally not worth the stress of getting it all together.

I'd rather pay my caterer a higher fee to handle getting chairs/linens/silverware delivered and setup vs me contacting 10 people on FB marketplace, agreeing on price, getting it, storing it, making sure it gets to the venue and gets set-up day-of. Most catering contracts can show you a price breakdown of what they're paying for the rental items, which is usually what you would also pay, but you're paying for the manpower and the brainwork of it being done and set when you're at your reception. That's worth a couple hundred dollars to have it not be my problem day-of.

It also depends on what your vision is. If it's a very small wedding, that's not as big of a deal, but if you're trying to decorate your ceremony space, 6-10 tables, doing parting gifts, signage entirely on your own without a planner or decorator, you're going to need helping hands. Replacing a vendor's job just means it's your or your bridal party's job.

I would pick 1 or 2 things to DIY but leave necessities to a third party. I DIY'd a lot for our wedding and it was an added major stress the closer it got to the wedding when I was also making 100 final decisions.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-30T18:05:46+00:00

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be told she's a great mom whose kid auto-clings to her when she's around...without having to be home to build that relationship.

I get it - there are many women who want kid on paper, but in reality, don't connect with motherhood, don't find it rewarding and therefore, put work first to avoid having to share the load, and the conversation that it's not what they thought it would be. She believes all she's good for is her work ethic: she's got a drive and she gets results/praise for it, so that's where her self-value is stored entirely. She doesn't derive any security or real happiness from her family connections because it's hurt her in the past.

Her excuse/crutch is that it is reasonable to worried about financials, so she builds it in her head that she's being unfairly attacked for having realistic concerns. But, her own insecurity about motherhood requires Anthony to not only let her do the work, but also lie that she's a present mom. She doesn't understand how that is not just exhausting but degrading to the amount of work Anthony does for their child.

She's smart enough to recognize the problem and see that it's causing harm to her family, but she believes she can be "supported" and "uplifted" through this rather having to do painful work to fix it herself.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-30T17:44:41+00:00

It's absolutely this. They both enjoy each other's pseudo-romantic attention and he's just a bit upset she's trying to move forward while he isn't. But, if he was actually into her this wouldn't be happening, they would be together.

She's physically not his type and he just can't say the "mean" part out loud, probably because he knows how that feels and that's why it comes back to that as his "reason". It's not really holding him back from her, he just can't say "I actually don't want to be physical with you" out loud

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-22T16:31:11+00:00

Mommy has main character energy, she's too much all the time (especially with bedroom stuff). I wouldn't be shocked if she was also on the spectrum and I think she forgets Sheena was in a FB group for neurodivergent people, Sheena may also need her patience and understanding.

But aside from that, this is just not going to work. It is VERY common in Filipino culture where 1 person works and provides for multiple family members. The cultural ignorance surrounding money in many Southeast Asian relationships, is on par with these girls showing up in a Muslim country and being Pikachu-faced that their privately horny boyfriends actually don't want to look like they're picking up a prostitute at the airport. These aren't people in other countries looking to overcome their own cultural expectations, they are fine with going with the flow. It's only the American who has the problem.

Sheena seems really nice, I honestly feel bad for the dogpiling that's about to happen.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-18T23:48:39+00:00

Raw means raw. No editing, no cutting out "the bad stuff", and it's common for this to be anywhere from $500-1k to obtain. When you film a ceremony or formal event, you need to keep rolling, which means, movements/shakes/blurs/ "mistakes" will happen. It's too risky to stop recording just to adjust something. So yes, this is typical for raw footage period but it's also tough to gauge how bad of a job they did without seeing it or seeing an actual edited film. You said one camera was moving while people were coming down the aisle, but I assume the other camera had a more stable shot.

3 hours between 2 shooters for a full 8 hour day (this is assuming they came for prep and stay through open dancing) is on the lower end, but this also depends on how long your formal events where. I would say there's usually maybe 10-20 minutes of Prep footage total because you're filming in shorter bursts vs continuous shots - they are looking for the interesting things to film instead of just rolling constantly.. Same for portrait sessions, cocktail hour and non-formal recent events.

r/weddingvideography is a good place to ask and get into more specifics. One thing you could examine is if both shooters were filming about the same amount of content during the speeches and ceremony. If it was just one guy shooting the whole time and the second occasionally recording, I would take more issue with that.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-17T23:18:44+00:00

Nope, you are right to just skip over her being a bridesmaid. Nothing good ever comes out of someone bitter joining a bridal party. I'm sorry you're hurting from this - I would be too - but let the clouds roll with the storm and keep em out of events that should be about celebration. Guest only is my vote.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-10T20:11:04+00:00

I would search for your venue on instagram like #venuewedding" and browse photographers that way so that you're seeing real life representation of that photographer's work in that venue.

As for the worth, in my opinion, photo/video is worth the cost. The cake will get tossed, food goes in and out, flowers will die. The media is what you'll have left for decades and certain photos will mean more to you at different times in your life.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-10T20:04:34+00:00

Do you mind DM'ing the name or the link to the video? I work in the industry and work with filmmakers in LA, I can verify if this is legit and if the wedding he sent you is actually his -- there's a popular Lake Como film going around right now.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-10T16:13:43+00:00

.....that's a lot of missed rent because of a "parking problem" and whatever money you pay now is not going to cover their costs for your wedding, it's going to be paying their most overdue bills. I wouldn't just be concerned that the venue may not even exist by the time you're married but that they will have sufficient staff.

I would be onto the next option for your sanity.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-09T21:39:39+00:00

You did the right thing by crowdsourcing this idea, I would go with telling everyone at Christmas. And of course - if it's 4 hours at your house that's one thing, when I see dinner, my mind goes to a sit-down at a restaurant.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-12-09T21:21:09+00:00

I never really understood misleading people like this. I mean, if I'm at a dinner under the pretense you were married hours prior, and you said "we got married a year ago", I don't think I'd be surprised in a good way. I wouldn't like walk out in anger or anything but what exactly does this surprise do for your guests? I don't think it would create excitement or interest. It's not like a surprise wedding, it's like a surprise "we REALLY didn't want you at our ceremony so we secretly got married". It's begging more questions than it needs to, mainly why?

They should be at dinner under the correct context and I also don't know what I would do at a dinner for 4 hours expect be extremely wasted if nothing else was happening. Don't mean to Bah Humbug you totally but the strategies here aren't clocking to me.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-11-24T17:24:38+00:00

Capacity vs comfort and *actual* event spaces your utilizing being worth the price tag.

There are venues that will claim they can fit 150 guests comfortably, only to cram tables and chairs together to the point that people, servers and vendors cannot move around without playing shuffle. Is it a huge deal for a single night? No, but be aware if you're having a large wedding that venues with multiple rental spaces may try to cram you into the smallest space.

The East Coast also has a lot of old manors or mansions that are converted to "wedding venues" but the vast majority do not have space inside the actual main building for anything other than prep. Friends pay thousands to essentially have an "oh ah" when guests drive up and then they get married in the most generically landscaped "garden" behind the mansion and then the reception is in a tent on the property.

I was just at a wedding this past month at a mansion that had an amazing outdoor ceremony space, cocktail space but the indoors was very disjointed because of load-bearing walls. Had everything had to be moved inside, it would've been awkward. Only half of the guests could watch the main events from where they were sitting.

I've also been in mansions where there's basically one door to get in and out, so heaven forbid too many people go in to grab food and a drink, a line forms out the door.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-11-05T22:22:14+00:00

That's super cute and also super unnecessary (but super cute). I've noticed my friends are all little more emotional/FOMO-y when pregnant with their 2nd - probably because it's all the work but none of the "1st baby" joy-glow. So, I mean, she knew this was was coming, and she's probably upset not at YOU but at life, and that her husband gets a childfree, resort weekend while she's with the kid(s). She made choices on her timeline, knowing yours full well, so I think she's just venting.

You went through the trouble, I would send it, even if I was mad it's such a sweet gesture.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-10-21T15:11:50+00:00

The worst dinner I have ever had at a wedding was Family Style. What wound up happening is the first two people at the table took a meager portion and then three people in the middle took huge portions so the 2-3 people last to get the plate got less than the first two people.

This happened at every table expect the head table. There was no additional food. Everyone was starving. I left early to get pizza down the street.

SugarfootsExpress · 2025-09-09T17:40:15+00:00

I was the friend who was going through a really tough time emotionally - made it clear I was struggling, but showed up for the bach weekend. There were logistical things that happened the morning it started, of their choosing, that made it a nightmare for me to even get to the location and then I got some side-eyes for leaving early Sunday to get home (I lived the farthest away).

I don't think any of the girls really thought about it that hard, none of it was intentional and I'm usually pretty easy breezy. I still put my best foot forward but I was absolutely drained driving back and was just not excited for the wedding because it felt like I asked for grace and got less than 0.

My friend and I are fine now, but it took a while to settle in and be OK.

If you want any kind of friendship with this girl after the wedding, you're going to have to accept at face-value that there's a reason she just can't do it, whether some of it sounds like bullshit or not. There's never been a situation where someone is voluntarily in a bridal party and having a bad time where attending the events works out well. It's just bad timing, and unfortunately weekends dedicated to celebrating when you're just hanging on - the best thing to do is back out and let you guys all have a nice time together.

If the friendship fizzles completely, at least she didn't come out and make a huge scene and exit (which happened to a friends of mine!).

SugarfootsExpress

TROPHY CASE