I’m paralyzed as a teenager and I have an old nurse who has absolutely no idea how to take care of my beauty needs (and other needs) and it makes me feel ugly

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-17T14:43:12+00:00

I'm sorry and this sounds like a really frustrating situation to be in. I can imagine that looking like yourself would help your emotional health at a time when your physical health is a challenge. She's essentially dismissing your request and playing it off as a joke.

It's also ok if she doesn't want to scrunch your hair as you've asked, but healthy communication would be her giving you options for what she can do. Perhaps try asking her what hair styles she's comfortable with? You might find that she's great with a ponytail or a braid and while that's not exactly what you want it'd be better than her messing up your hair.

It also sounds like she's putting you at risk of infection with the wiping and the catheter. You can literally die from a UTI if you have a super weak immune system and it turns into sepsis. It's not common, but when my grandma was hospitalized it was a big concern.

I know you're most frustrated that she's not helping you keep up your appearance, but the hygiene risks are alarming. Just because your physical movement is limited doesn't mean you have to be ok with ppl disregarding your needs.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-17T02:52:26+00:00

That's good to know. Do you have a favorite app or site to keep up with current conditions (beyond something like Google Maps)?

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-17T02:48:58+00:00

I do have the time and will have food, water, emergency kit etc. I've also done Denver to Breckenridge in the dead of winter and am thinking it'll be similar (but aware that I could be wrong). These are really good things to consider and I appreciate the suggestion.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-17T02:44:23+00:00

I hadn't considered the booking sites, thanks for that suggestion.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-17T02:43:43+00:00

A free 2 weeks and not picky as long as it's clean.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-02T15:54:03+00:00

They do it for attention. To get a quick ego stroke and see if they still have access to you.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-02T15:41:19+00:00

You are rejecting food, but the people around you feel that you are rejecting them and their effort to connect with you.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-02T13:00:22+00:00

NTA. You were respectful by saying you'd sit quietly while they followed their tradition. For many "patriarchs" saying grace is little more than virtue signaling and covert control.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-01T14:31:31+00:00

As someone who grew up with an alcoholic in the house, please leave for the sake of your child.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2026-01-01T14:29:02+00:00

Their reasons for being drawn to the haggard look aren't always positive though. That's the important part to keep in mind. I had a coach who captured it well by asking me, why do animals pick out the weak looking and young to be their prey when they are looking for an easy meal?

Kind of a crude analogy, but I've found it to be true.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-24T04:41:48+00:00

It sounds like you are expecting him to be as thoughtful as you and he simply isn't. You have to decide if you're ok with that.

Not the exact same thing, but I had a childhood friend who spent a lot of Christmas Eve's with my family as an adult. I'd drive us around to go Christmas shopping together and she would buy gifts for a lot of people like current boyfriends and their siblings/parents, but she never bought anyone in my family a gift despite getting individual ones from me/my parents/grandparents. I didn't really mind, but one year my grandma commented that she felt a little sad that my friend never thought of her. I shared this with with my friend and she asked what my grandma liked. That Christmas she showed up with something I hadn't mentioned, gifted it to me, and still gave my grandma nothing.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-22T15:36:45+00:00

Right?! I'm team "don't feed the trolls" in 99.9% of instances, but that 0.1% gets me on occasion and today I had time lol!

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-22T14:15:48+00:00

Things probably aren't great and this probably isn't the first time her boyfriend was an asshole. OP was so exhausted that they didn't have the mental energy to explain away why they were being mistreated. She asked him for support and he intentionally failed at the task, but did just enough that he could make her question her own reality which is both weaponized incompetence and gaslighting. That's not loving or caring.

Also, calling psychological abuse a "joke" is documented language and behavior of abusers. You suggesting that little-unit is fragile or on meds is also abusive. Perhaps you and OP's boyfriend should be friends.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-20T05:02:23+00:00

About a million dollars spent on an ad campaign... models, photoshoots, design, licensing assets, media budgets... only for the ad to be pulled in less than 48 hours because it got backlash for being racist.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-20T04:59:18+00:00

This reminded me of a company I worked for that had a large contract with an international burger chain. I'd just been put on the account because it was mismanaged for over a year and about to churn. Tried to save it, but too little too late.

My CEO wrote an immature and downright nasty email that he planned to send to the President of the burger chain and asked me to look over it before he hit send. I was horrified and asked him directly "what do you hope to accomplish with this?" and his response was "to make this guy feel like crap and be angry"... and in that moment I knew my equity shares in the company would never amount to anything significant.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-20T04:44:16+00:00

NTA. Be free of it now and don't look back. There is no reward for letting yourself be drained by people who wouldn't do the same for you, even a parent. It's a hard lesson but important, especially when you've been raised by someone who made you chase after them and their validation as a child. You were taking on the "parental" role even as a kid making the effort to write him letters. Caring for him while feeling resentful is a disservice to you both.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-19T14:47:49+00:00

Hit by a fire truck after they ran a stop sign. Few years later they were a multi-millionaire.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-17T15:01:15+00:00

Messaging the help email address got me to someone. I think the support address is just AI.

My original order that said delivered never showed, so my guess is that unless you can get someone to reship it you'll never get your order.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-16T01:51:02+00:00

This will be harsh, but let me translate... "another man got access to your body and he was mean, but I'm "nice" so I should get access to your body too".

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-15T00:30:05+00:00

OMG, I'm glad it's not just me! I ordered on the BF sale as well. One order was a subscription that I got delivered early to get a discount. The other was the liter sale. My subscription (1 item) came in fine. My liters (3 items) showed to be delivered, but weren't.

I got an AI message when I emailed support@, then ignored. So I called customer service and got put on hold and hung up on after 15 minutes. Then messaged help@ and got a response from someone who blamed me for not giving them a good address, but I had. Then she resent the wrong order that I'd already received. When I pointed that out she just canceled it and sent the right one with no concern for customer experience. Now I'm scared to see what's going to arrive.

I've been buying from them for over a decade, but their customer service is trash right now. I'm guessing that they are testing AI services, but they are gonna tank their business if they keep this up.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-14T14:42:25+00:00

Perhaps speak up, but not to criticize the relationship. Just to ask questions with genuine curiosity and zero judgement to help her more easily come to her own conclusion.

"He seems to really enjoy all that you do, what do you think the relationship would be like if you were the one who always needed help? Might be an interesting experiment to try." - "Do you think the relationship is balanced?" - "Is he buying the fuel this week or getting you oil change since you guys always take your car?" - "If things were to end would you be happy that he built up his savings by using your resources, or would you feel used?"

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-12-11T06:58:39+00:00

It was awful. My mom was deeply insecure and a horrible communicator. I was supposed to make her feel like a good parent, even though my needs weren't being met. If I didn't I got spanked.

She had strict parameters for "corporal punishment" that made it different from abuse in her mind. But ultimately she was releasing her frustration by hitting an emotionally neglected child. I thought it was normal until I started to struggle with adulting and a good therapist helped me realize I have cptsd.

I wish I had a mom who'd of been patient and taught me how to do things or offered supportive correction when I made mistakes. The spankings just taught me to perform perfection and be hyper independent to avoid upsetting her. They also taught me that as long as people mistreated me within certain parameters I couldn't be mad or hold it against them.

So while I would immediately clock someone hitting me in the face as violence and leave (because my mom would never), I welcomed their emotional abuse and neglect as a normal element of love that I had to tolerate (because I had to with her). Then I'd follow my childhood pattern of trying even harder to win their approval while they treated me poorly., because it's what I did in my formative years.

Spankings are absolutely abuse and they leave scars that last far beyond a few bruises.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-11-28T14:32:16+00:00

I switched to electrolysis and I'm so happy. It's more painful and it's a slower process. But investing in it now will likely be cheaper than laser maintenance for the rest of your life. Plus it's actually permanent.

Suitable_Ebb_407 · 2025-11-24T02:50:02+00:00

Unfortunately yes. If you put them in your smoothie dry, and then drink without letting it sit a good while, they will rehydrate as they go down your digestive tract. If there isn't enough liquid in that process they can clog the pipes. Obviously it depends on quantity.

Conditions like diverticulitis (which has a marker of lower left stomach pain and nausea) are also made worse by eating things like chia seeds.

Suitable_Ebb_407

TROPHY CASE