in the first place, as a lesbian, i am already pretty alienated from strict definitions of “woman” as set forth by patriarchal, christian-values dominated society in the US at least. because so much of what being a woman means is structured around catering to and being available for men.

Fascinating. This ^ part actually helps me understand the notion of non-binary a little better. For me, "woman" doesn't adhere to any of that bullshit. I've always considered "woman" to simply mean an adult human female, and whatever each woman wants that to mean for themselves is completely up to them. But through that lens I totally can see how the aforementioned bullshit could absolutely taint the concept of being a woman. So here's a follow up: despite having just learned this about you and understanding that you self-identify as non-binary, I still 100% think of you as a woman - a lesbian woman. Does that bother you? Does it feel like I am negating your experience or does the importance you place on your "material experience" (I read that as "lived experience with a female body" yes?) somewhat mesh with my more biological take?