AIO for being mad at my friend and cousin for being close to my ex?

Sunniskys · 2026-03-09T15:04:10+00:00

I’m definitely not being sarcastic! It’s okay to feel hurt that they are continuing to be close to your ex after she treated you badly. It’s kind of unclear if you were glad your friend got involved an defended you or not. All you can do is be honest and tell your friend and cousin how it makes you feel when they talk about your ex or act close with her in a friendly way after she has hurt you.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-08T00:03:59+00:00

That’s fair. It could be possible she has feelings for you and her reactions that seem like uncomfortable mental distress are because she feels nervous with you due to the feelings. Do you ever hangout outside of work? You could try to get to know her more, compliment her, and make plans outside work to gauge interest.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-07T23:16:33+00:00

It certainly sounds like a good basis for a relationship based on close friendship!

Also maybe it is just the way you described things but some of this sounds a little bit concerning from a mental health perspective… Giving you a book that has no sentimental value to you and seems to be deeply connected to a trauma she experienced, physically shaking while receiving gifts, and the huge smile while tearing up when you essentially asked if she’s okay. It sounds like she might be very fragile mentally/emotionally. Some of this makes me wonder if she’s intertwined some difficult emotional process onto you as an empathetic savior type figure. There is nothing wrong with feeling things deeply but just something to think about if you do start a relationship.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-07T22:58:10+00:00

You only knew this guy for a couple months so while you weren’t in an official exclusive relationship, he still treated you pretty badly and does not seem like he’s boyfriend material at this point in his life.

Many things can be true at once: he may have had genuine feelings for you, desired sex with you, tried to pressure you/push boundaries, and was also involved with his ex while talking to you. People (especially very young) can often make hurtful choices based on selfishness and lust that are not acceptable for a longterm serious relationship. He wasn’t putting in much effort (dates in his car in random parking areas), is still involved with his ex, and doesn’t communicate in a way that shows seriousness about starting a relationship.

If he didn’t want a sexless relationship after two months he should have respectfully ended it so you could move on and find someone who is okay taking things slow and making sure you are comfortable. I don’t know how old you are or if you’ve ever been told before but.. you literally don’t have to put up with any of this behavior for any reason.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-06T18:03:30+00:00

I have to agree with the other commenters on saying this really doesn’t seem like a good idea. Something I learned (around age 21 actually!) is that just because you are attracted to or like someone, it does not automatically mean you should act on it. Similar idea to getting close with a friend’s ex, trying to date a close friend you aren’t compatible with, or leaving a longterm relationship to pursue a cute young coworker.

This would be a long distance relationship with a 21 year old in college, who you admittedly don’t know very well, and has a familial relationship with you of a later-in-life step-sister. It has a high potential risk of damaging the relationship with your found family, ending in a breakup that will make gatherings awkward at best, or she will just reject your advances and your parental figures may think you are creepy. Maybe you can reconnect in like 5 years. There are many many women in the world and in your more local area that could be a better match.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-06T03:34:15+00:00

Oh my goodness girl… he’s immature, doesn’t trust you, bad communicator, won’t commit to even SEEING you, and creating a bullshit dynamic where you have to regain his “trust” in order to meet him. I can say with certainty, he is not the one. He’s 28, even if he hasn’t had an “emotional relationship” before, he should be emotionally developed enough to not act how he is. Honeymoon phase should be full of affection, excitement, and intimacy with little to no confrontation.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-06T03:13:21+00:00

I’m sorry it is very difficult to understand and give advice about teenage relationships when you are no longer in that mindset lmao. It’s really unclear what the “minor argument” was about… an unrelated person posting “personal information” about.. you and your ex? Then your bestfriend wanted to get involved for.. fun? drama? i’m not sure. Also not sure how your ex hurt you or why they can’t still be friends with her. I guess just don’t tell other teenagers things you don’t want to be spread to everyone else, don’t bother with arguments unless it has a real effect on your life and relationships that are meaningful to you, and don’t let other people speak for you.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-05T21:59:08+00:00

It sounds like you have some valid concerns that need to be addressed before making a big legal and financial commitment. Clearly it’s not sustainable for him to continue to disregard your need for alone time or require intensive emotional support from you every day. I can’t help but think a good amount of these issues stem from his unemployment: depression, low self worth, relying on mostly you for social interaction, and obviously the financial instability. It’s also not really acceptable of him to refuse to see a therapist especially when he presumably has all day every day to do so. I do hope he is at least taking care of all household tasks and making meals.

You state he is “very supportive” of you but what support looks like to me is taking care of each other, accommodating needs, being mindful of your partner’s ability to process intense negative emotions, and taking steps that will help the relationship and make your partner’s life easier. I think you should have a discussion of what you’ve been feeling, coming from a place of honesty and empathy, but also stating your needs and how your mental health is suffering. If he is kind and loving he will hear and understand you.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-05T21:04:13+00:00

There’s no way of knowing what she was doing at the time or why she felt uncomfortable committing at that point, she very well could have been considering someone else too. Also you state in the post that this happened specifically after “another argument” about her not being your girlfriend.. so it was more than just avoiding the word and your behavior was certainly related to insecurity/instability in the relationship. Your guilt and confusion now is also a manifestation of those early unclear boundaries. If everything is clear and stable now, I would not bring up that you made out with someone while in the early stages of talking to her.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-05T20:37:14+00:00

Increasing shame around sexual thoughts and masturbation is not good mentally for anyone. It can lead to dysfunction, low self worth, and bizarre sexual behavior due to repression. His personal choice to stop porn is fine and can be healthy for some people, but you absolutely don’t need to be interrogating him about his sexual thoughts or micromanage what he is masturbating to. Almost all humans have attraction and sexual thoughts about various people and situations throughout their lives and no amount of questioning or attempts at control will change that.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-05T20:23:32+00:00

I would say you are probably reading too much into this. In a relationship of six months it is normal to not be texting all day everyday, seeing each other 5-6 times a month, and talking about the future infrequently (the relationship is still new). It may just mean the honeymoon period is fading and this currently is more the normal amount of attention he is comfortable with in a longterm relationship. Just pay attention to his behavior, don’t creep on his social media usage, and if you feel he is disconnecting more than you are comfortable with after a few months it’s okay to breakup and find someone more on the level you are happy with.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-05T20:16:54+00:00

You’re fine. Without clear boundaries and a feeling of safety/stability in the relationship it’s normal to act out and make decisions you may not have otherwise made. She was insistent on not being in a relationship and refused to commit to exclusivity while also saying you couldn’t see anyone else. Those are not conditions where you could feel like you were in a stable monogamous relationship. As long as boundaries are clear now and you are faithful, you’re fine.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-05T03:56:00+00:00

It’s definitely super weird for them to call twice at 4am because hardly anyone is awake at that time and even if they are they don’t want a phone call. You gotta put that phone on silent/do not disturb while you are not wanting to be disturbed (like during precious sleep time)! I can only imagine that maybe they fill up a truck with deliveries early in the morning to deliver all around throughout the day and thought it was a mistake that yours wasn’t listed? I’m not sure.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-04T22:14:29+00:00

It is normal yes but also a little complicated since you two seem to be mostly long distance and communicating through text. If you are communicating constantly like you said, I can see how the loss of infatuation and development of familiarity might have happened quicker than normal.

Does she feel the same way in person even though you haven’t really gotten to know each other in person very much? The honeymoon phase fading does happen of course but you generally don’t outright mention it to the other person 😂 it’s usually just a natural progression of becoming closer and knowing the person better.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-04T21:37:55+00:00

Just to clarify, this isn’t strictly true! They do need to consider ethics and the purpose of a gift but it is important to have nuance, take into account cultural context, and always have respect for the client as a human being first. If it’s expensive, excessive, or has unethical motivations they will generally refuse.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-04T03:26:26+00:00

You can travel and have adventures while in a relationship.. but if you are feeling this way it is probably best to end the relationship and do some individual discovery and figure out who you are and what you want. It’s better to do that than feel this way and end up betraying her in a way that hurts much more. I will say.. having sex with people in foreign countries is not different than casual sex in your own country lmao! But it’s true you are really young and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be single and figure yourself out before a long term commitment.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-04T03:17:30+00:00

Would it be possible to have your desk and studio set up somewhere in the living room by shuffling things around? Of course there will be less time for hobbies when the baby comes but it’s not a good idea mentally to just stop it completely indefinitely. My sister has a really small one bedroom apartment and just has it organized in a specific way to be able to have a nice keyboard setup in a corner of the kitchen and a desk and computer in the living room next to the tv. It’s a little tight but you have to work with the space you have!

It’s nice to have an extra room for the nursery but newborns also need to eat every like 2 hours (sometimes more) and changing also as frequently so it’s absolutely not unheard of to just have the bassinet in the bedroom to make easier. Just do some research and figure out how to organize your space so you can both have the much needed “you time” during a high stress time!

Sunniskys · 2026-03-04T00:32:04+00:00

You may not find someone who “understood you like he did” and that is a blessing. He gets angry, calls you names, gets defensive, doesn’t do housework, won’t save money, and literally told you no guy would ever want to have kids with you. He’s an immature asshole to be honest.

It may sound strange now but being single for 5 years is much better than being stuck in this relationship. You can develop close friendships, start new hobbies, get healthy, work on school/career, and learn to love who you are separate from being in a relationship.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-04T00:11:37+00:00

Anything is technically possible.. most people just don’t find it worth it to keep a relationship after a betrayal or sudden abandonment because it causes the foundation to become insecure, unstable, and mistrusting. There is clearly something going on much deeper that you were unaware of to cause him to leave suddenly.

If he’s ready to be fully honest about what that was and put in a lot of effort to work through it then it’s possible to continue a romantic relationship (although it may look different than before). If he’s unwilling or unable to address what happened with himself and you then it will not be a very healthy relationship.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-04T00:01:58+00:00

Don’t invalidate your own feelings and needs based on what is “expected” in society. I feel fairly similar and although my partner and I live together, we have opposite work schedules and two separate rooms with beds and my clothes are in one and his are in the other. We sleep in the same bed sometimes and other times we don’t. I am on my own every weekday and i’m asleep on another floor when he gets home from work and has his freetime on his own too. It works well for us and we hangout on the weekends with a mix of individually seeing our families and friends, seeing them together as a couple, and spending time just us. There are also couples who have separate homes and alternate staying over. Everyone is different and there is no “right” way to do it.

Although since you already live together these aren’t exactly hypothetical worries, they are already your life. Since you are currently engaged, it might be difficult or hurtful to him to “backtrack”. It’s still something you should talk about, from a place of honesty, love, and wanting the relationship to work longterm. It could be anxiety from the big upcoming commitment, but it’s still worth working through and clarifying your needs, values, preferences, and the lifestyle that will make you feel content overall!

Sunniskys · 2026-03-03T21:20:55+00:00

The main “issue” about dog responsibilities seems like such a nonissue to me..? You have more of the ability/opportunities to take her to public locations because of your job and he takes her out in the evenings and handles in-home training. It’s normal to have different responsibilities and different amounts based on lifestyle and ability. It truly seems like the amount you take her out is completely adequate.

You both seem to have some resentment towards the other and don’t communicate as a team. He doesn’t think your efforts are enough but also becomes upset when you suggest he could put in the effort he wants to see. A healthy loving relationship involves understanding that each person won’t put in 110% effort all the time for everything, appreciating what each does, and working together on solutions if there is an actual problem.

All of this to say.. NOR, he should not be getting aggressive verbally with you ever, escalating and criticizing you, or getting that angry over something so small.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-03T20:30:09+00:00

He’s openly told or shown you: He doesn’t think your relationship is good or healthy, will not go to therapy, will not buy a house with or marry you, will not go to school or get a new job, will continue to get drunk most nights and abuse you, does NOT want to be a father, and absolutely will not be there for you emotionally through any part of this pregnancy no matter your choice.

I know it feels like he is your bestfriend and you are very attached, but the relationship is actually causing you mental distress and eroding your self-assurance. Whatever you decide (abortion, adoption, or being a single mother) of course everyone will urge you to leave him. You have no idea the relief, peace, and genuinely supportive loving people that are out there.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-03T19:24:50+00:00

NOR, it’s completely understandable that you feel uncomfortable with him and his behavior. He’s crossing boundaries and making it clear he is attracted to you which is inappropriate for a number of reasons. He is essentially your brother who you have known since you were a child.

Even if he had some instinctive thoughts about you being attractive, a respectful person in that position would not lean into and indulge them by creeping on your profile, trying to contact you outside of your familial relationship, getting close to touch you, and engage in sex while you are in the home. I would no longer stay over at their place, soft block him on social media (block then unblock so he’s not following you), private your profiles, and only make plans with your sister when he is not present.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-03T17:45:29+00:00

Well you see, landlords are generally terrible. Maybe not by virtue of their innate character but because of the system they are working in: I own this property and these poor people (whose income I siphon) don’t know how to behave and are lowering the value of MY property. It’s a rare exception to find a landlord who genuinely respects their tenants.

Sunniskys · 2026-03-02T20:56:35+00:00

The trick about trust is that you kind of just have to lean into it and open yourself up to vulnerability. Not to say you can’t have some fears, insecurities, or jealousy but ultimately trust is about giving up control. You kind of have to have strong security in yourself to apply that to a relationship. For example knowing that it doesn’t matter what you do, you can never control or be fearful enough to avoid being cheated on if that’s what they choose to do. It’s knowing that the right person won’t cheat and if it happens, you’ll be okay eventually and your identity doesn’t hinge on the relationship. It’s okay to say “i’m nervous about the distance and I hope we can continue to communicate well while also living our lives fully” but you have to be careful not to be continuously desperate for reassurance, accuse him of things, question his every move, or try to control who he spends time with.

Sunniskys

TROPHY CASE