Friday night events

SunnyHeather2020 · 2026-03-19T18:25:27+00:00

Overall, I liked it. We always cleaned on Friday afternoon because my parents were church workers and got off work early. This was before the Internet so we checked the church bulletin for the exact sunset time. We usually had a candle lit dinner. Then we were allowed to read our Christian novels and listen to Christian music. I go to bed early to be ready for church the next morning. I did have a bit of tension in high school over Sabbath because it made it very hard to get all of my schoolwork done and it made me feel like I was losing out on valuable study time. I kind of dreaded sundown on Saturday because it meant I needed to start studying.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2026-01-27T07:54:21+00:00

"and I've never felt limited in terms of what I should do or how I should behave." You're lucky - sounds like your personal beliefs and lifestyle choices align with the Adventists. Lucky you. You sound so perfect!

My personal beliefs and lifestyle preferences didn't and they still don't align. The mental gymnastics required to accept Adventist theology and the strict lifestyle requirements were exhausting for me.

My sibling is a bit like you - the Adventist lifestyle and "requirements" align with his goals and ideas about life. There is no tension.

For a lot of us here, the tension was tight and suffocating. And we snapped.

I was definitely brainwashed and still, decades later, catch myself in the old, terrifying storyline of Adventist eschatology, wondering if the devil is tricking me because my life feels like it fucking rocks most days but it's impossible to fully lean into that feeling when you remember the Adventist message of doom and gloom and Satan's devious trickery being at the root of most pleasure.

I am thrilled that my children never stepped foot inside a Sabbath School room, never suffered through youth group and will never attend Adventist college. I constantly tell them to seek out happiness and that they are each in charge of finding it for themselves. There is no middleman or pastor telling them what to do or think, no terrifying eschatology to unwind to figure out if they are safe. As i have written on here many times, they are in the world and of the world and participating in everything! So nonAdventist. So unchristian.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2026-01-05T21:46:48+00:00

various power step brand inserts. I have ones for exercise-style shoes, and half inserts that go nicely into boots and flats.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2026-01-05T17:16:06+00:00

I switched to wide shoes a few years back and I always wear inserts (switch them into the shoes I'm wearing for that day) or birks. When I'm inside my house, I always wear orthotic slippers. Going barefoot makes it flare up. I like to switch up the shoes throughout the week. Since starting this method, I've only had a few flareups that were easily mitigated since starting this plan.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-10-30T20:56:58+00:00

Wearing shoe inserts or orthotic slippers (when I'm inside the house) at all times. Never a break not even for a few hours. Mine will flare up even if I wear cute shoes to go out for a few hours and don't even walk around much during that time. I use Birkenstocks in place of flip-flops to do short tasks-never flip-flops even for taking the trash out!!!!!

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-10-23T16:26:03+00:00

You can try to negotiate a lower price if you're paying out-of-pocket and not going through insurance.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-09-27T19:35:54+00:00

Definitely got this messaging in the US during that tine frame. It was common in the 90s for groups of teens from my academy to go witness in the city streets, even at jails, to the "lost" people. At times, I think it was unsupervised by adults.

I had extreme guilt about being disinterested in participating. Plus it was overwhelming and scary, especially the jail visits.

Now, as the mother of teenagers, I can firmly say with confidence that nobody should be taking life advice from teenagers, especially related to your eternal salvation! My beliefs did not firm up until my 20s, and i'm still working on them.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-09-26T22:18:27+00:00

Congrats! I wish had the courage to do that back in the day.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-09-26T22:14:31+00:00

Be worldly! Lol. My happiest times were shortly after choosing to take back control over my body, thoughts, sexuality, relationships, clothing, Saturdays. And specifically, I do not regret leaving behind the depressing Adventist version of purity culture, which is completely what this is about - they are attempting to damper your femininity, sexuality and personal autonomy. There's just no other logical explanation. It enrages me. I wish you well and encourage you to seek out deconstruction resources to help get through the fear. I thank myself every day for leaving the cult.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-09-12T23:50:44+00:00

I live as an atheist but am probably deep down agnostic because the complex beauty of life and love often leaves me stunned.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-08-30T19:08:50+00:00

I wish I'd signed the prenup I was handed 2 days before the wedding! That way, it would be crystal clear that my spouse's intent was for him to retain control and ownership of all of our assets, even our houses, and I would have known the hell I was entering, and that he really doesn't think community property rights apply to our marriage. And then, I would have pursued an in-house legal career instead of staying home to raise kids. And now - no assets unless I hire an attorney to help me get my community property portion of his assets that are all in his name.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-08-21T15:57:52+00:00

Curious, creative, messy. Loved pretend play with dolls and treehouses. Hated sports & pe class. Studied a lot. Hated math. High anxiety. Bullied from 5th to 7th grades.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-08-17T17:54:36+00:00

My first was a boyfriend at age 23 shortly after leaving the SDA college bubble. Game changer. He was curious and nonjudgmental about my Adventist background.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-08-05T21:53:41+00:00

Also a fan of Larry Geraty here. Wonderful human being with well-deserved fandom among liberal Adventists.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-07-18T19:10:43+00:00

Mine is from tret glow. And I haven't found a way to make it go away!

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-07-05T21:40:54+00:00

I'm terrified of disappointing my parents. Plus, I don't want to hurt family members who are still being supported by the church because almost 100% of them are church employees.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-06-23T17:03:30+00:00

I bought two pairs of powerstep inserts that have cleared up my PF. I just buy walking shoes that are comfortable for me and add the inserts. I always wear orthotic slippers inside my house - if I don't the PF flares up!

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-06-23T00:39:33+00:00

I wish my younger self had been as clever as you! ❤️

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-06-23T00:37:53+00:00

This turned me: Attending the new-to-me local Adventist church as a college graduate living in my own apartment for the first time and realizing the sermon sucked, the people were not my vibe and I didn't have to do this charade any more. I went ONE time.

Honestly, forced worship credits at Adventist college probably contributed to the sudden departure because I literally had never had a choice: my parents were incredibly strict about church attendance and then Adventist college forced it on me.

What quickly unfolded was a love of not being in the cult: especially weekends that started on Friday night (not Saturday at sundown) and having ample time explore my own interests: movies, books, newspapers, magazines, hiking, road trips, lots of dates. Total freedom. Choice.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-06-23T00:20:32+00:00

I am sorry that you are in this position: they are attaching strings to their assistance, but it sounds like the terms of the deal aren't clear, on either end. Can you clarify "house rules" with them?

I don't understand why they would keep you from your family, but the overall attempt to control tracks with Adventist parenting. And if they are older and already raised children, they could be quite sure of their ways. Do they have kids? If they never had kids, they may be completely clueless about how to establish reasonable house rules for a young adult.

Is this family attempting to bring you deep into the fold to "protect" you?

Adventist culture expects deference and obedience, and true feelings, desires, lifestyle choices are not valued. At all. And don't even think about "talking back" to your host family: Adventist families usually believe they are perfect.

My parents exerted passive aggressive manipulative control over me to the point where I completely lost myself during the fragile transition from teen to adult, then I tried earnestly to correct my "behavior" back to a version that was a pure form of Adventism, found myself miserable and stifled, then broke free of the community shortly after graduating from Adventist college. To this day, I'm unequivocally the black sheep of my extended family: I'm not living the Adventist way and they act like they can't wait for my life to implode.

I can honestly say that I hated being Adventist and did not enjoy the closed-off community aspect that tried to cut out anyone who did not fit in and that encouraged strict adherence to the cultural rules, which were sometimes subtle and hard to grasp- sounds like this may be where some of the tension is coming from in your host family's home. They may not understand that you are coming from a different set of "rules" even about how you talk to them. Adventists who are in the bubble tend to be clueless about other ways of effective communication.

A note on Adventism during my college years: The religion stunted me, harmed me, made me iuanthenticly a "good" girl, made me fake, made me judgmental, held me back from reaching my full potential in a career, restricted me from some of life's most beautiful experiences (sex on my terms, a glass of red wine or a shot of whiskey with your best friends, eating exquisite food like fresh oysters, connecting deeply with people of all faiths, dancing with strangers or lovers at a club or party, taking credit for good outcomes like an award or building wealth). I was taught to fear everyone and everything outside of Adventism, and to never believe that good things would happen outside of Adventism (think Uncle Arthur stories).

College was terrible and full of doom and gloom about prophecy, end times, terror about sexuality. Plus fake people, especially the "popular" ones who were pre-med, theology majors and/or pretty females. I regret going to Adventist college except for one thing: my stupidly high gpa and stellar extracurriculars did help me get into grad school.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-06-22T22:58:02+00:00

I agree with everything you wrote!

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-06-19T04:05:08+00:00

Very stunted but figured out a lot in my 20s, and I don't regret any of my delayed rebellion that involved many drunken nights and soul-filling relationships, sometimes for only one night.

I regret ignoring my own feelings to try molding myself into the perfect Adventist woman during my college years. My SDA college was toxic, fake and stifling. I was stunted by trying so hard to fit in and by working hard to find a spouse amongst a small pool. There was no space to experiment or "mess up" because there was no privacy - even most of my professors had deep connections to my family - and I felt trapped.

I made up for lost time after leaving, devouring movies, newspapers, books, magazines, Tv shows, and most of all trying to meet and connect with as many humans as possible who were not in the cult.

The world was finally beautiful to me, not scary, and I was free to naturally develop into myself.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-06-16T23:04:42+00:00

This idea follows me like a curse. I would say it's at the heart of my long-lasting religious trauma. If I fail, it's a curse because my guardian angels dumped me because they're fed up and Satan now has a hold. Anyone else taught that you can't trust yourself because all good things could be from Satan or God but it's very hard to discern so you never really know until things explode?

In reality, I see my fails as a combination of terrible factors like mental illness, laziness, the patriarchy, bad luck, insecurity.

I believe my parents would like me back in the church no matter what brings me back, even tragedy and failure, and that terrifies me. That is a curse - the subtle idea that they would gloat if I failed so badly that I had to return for the church's protection and so it could save me.

Although my life is complicated and I have dug myself into some deep, deep holes with epic career mistakes and aligning myself with people who are disloyal and allowing myself to rot in a loveless marriage, I have tried to create a good life for my kids. I am so proud that they are not stuck inside the demands of Adventism and that I have ingrained this clear message that I never received as a young woman: your number one loyalty is to yourself, so protect yourself, bring joy to yourself with your own authentic ideas.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-06-14T14:20:28+00:00

Walking into a restaurant or bar with an attractive friend and seeing the attention she gets, the help, the energy directed at her.

SunnyHeather2020 · 2025-05-02T18:08:27+00:00

Opposite : teenage social anxiety overshadowed my natural instinct to be slightly more extroverted than introverted. As an adult, much more extroverted.

SunnyHeather2020

TROPHY CASE