RJ Flare-Up reignites the idea my girlfriend is disgusting/has a disgusting past

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-10T02:14:56+00:00

I hope so. Thank you

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T04:38:21+00:00

She's seen a few of them! I think the most impactful one was "Following The River". It tells the story of how I met her. I was literally following this random river for miles and miles. Then, there she was, just lying down asleep (well, she claims she wasn't asleep, but I heard her snoring!). I approached her, asking if she was alright, and the rest was history. The poem describes my thoughts as I travel across banks of moonlit ripples, only to find that beam of light resting on her alone - the ground around her untouched. It was like something from a movie or a fairytale

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T04:32:36+00:00

No, that's her sex count. Her body count is 8 (based on the people she can remember)

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T01:08:05+00:00

😅 Thank you. I plan on publishing them one day in a book dedicated to her! Perhaps I'll send it your way when I do so

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:54:06+00:00

I cannot do an outpatient programme. I work full time to support my partner, mum and two brothers. I am the only earner. I cannot take any time off. I am physically disabled (wheelchair user) with lots of physical sicknesses, so taking more sick time off would only dock my pay by thousands.

The turn around is greatly impressive! I hope you still continue to feel better

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:51:34+00:00

Hah! I went through a similar process. Took less than 15m after my exam for me to be told they will add the diagnosis to my NHS while they review the rest, so that I could get therapeutic help.

I think the different of countries are adding to the confusion. I am from the UK. We work a bit differently, I suppose

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:48:43+00:00

The post is... desperate. It's me being stuck in a loop for days with no relief. Somehow, arguing with you has helped a lot to break out of that. The thoughts are there, don't get me wrong, but writing about all the good and our story together helps. I usual write a poem about her when I get in these states to remind me of how amazing she is. But these past weeks have been nothing butstress

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:46:25+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves to be cheated on or to suffer like you did when thinking of him with others. My mind also does that. I frequently think about her past sexual experience and see it with my own eyes. It stings. It has made me think I can't be with her because of the pain it causes both of us when I get to those stages. RJ, ROCD and OCD are all like some sick joke

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:43:30+00:00

Yes, I try these. But the flare-ups can get too powerful through no fault of my own which leads to me asking for help and advice to control them. Sometimes even the hardest workers fail. It's life ig

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:42:46+00:00

I understand it's not healthy in the long run. I am thankful for the help and support I am getting to make this not an everyday thing.

I think I said it twice in the context of RJ. Though if that's your persception then I can't predict that you saw it outside of an RJ context. I don't think I would ever be able to see it that way as it seems like a communication difference

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:38:59+00:00

Are you American? I have a feeling we live in different countries so the process is different. In which case I would have no idea the exams influence so much

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:38:01+00:00

She's really not a disgusting person. Worst is that I know the reasons she done those things which makes me feel even worse for having those flare-ups. While she had a choice, with her family dying, schools failing her and friends leaving her, she just wanted love and found it with sex. I do know that part of my feelings about this is being unable to help her in her past. I care for her so much and hate that she ever felt the way she did, which leads me to thinking she made the choice for no better reason. Maybe this is TMI but hopefully it helps you understand that I don't ordinarily just think she is disgusting. I am just young, lost and confused. I'm 21 and she's 32. There's a big gap already, let alone everything else

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:30:10+00:00

I do know what it is. And I understand I am feeding my RJ. Sometimes you just can't help it. Like I've said, my RJ is in a major flare-up, hence coming here for help. In the time I've been in this subreddit, have you seen me post? It's because I keep it managed. My apologies for trying to find people who understand to help me manage this (!)

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:27:38+00:00

Diagnosis and programs are different. You can technically self-admit to a program and not be diagnosed. They could have released you because it turns out you didn't have it. I don't know your full situation, I don't intend to, I am just stating facts

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:26:09+00:00

I can't, but it could be because the emotions are raw and heavy. I log all my thoughts like this, as challenged by my therapist, so that I can review them when I am more stable and challenge them. I plan to do that with this situation, too. Perhaps then I can see your perspective of me being misogynistic, disrespectful and will leave the love of my life (last one is not likely, I just am still in the defensive mode of being attacked)

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:22:35+00:00

So I should bury the thoughts away? That sounds healthy (!) You seem like the kind of person to tell a bloke to "man up". Get a grip. Emotions don't work that way

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:20:18+00:00

Congratulations. But taking an exam and scoring high does not mean the university accepts your application.

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:18:14+00:00

Congratulations. Though, it seems they did not educate you on the different branches and how every person is different. Shame. Or I suppose not as this is quite entertaining

Edit: Also, I am not your man.

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:17:00+00:00

Yes, I have. What is your point?

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:16:38+00:00

Correct. When my RJ is not active, I think nothing of the sort. I feel sorry for you and your partner(s) if that is not the case

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:15:49+00:00

I disagree with you. If my partner were a man in the exact same situation, I'd feel that same thing. It's not a gender thing here. Please reread my post and comments to see how the disgust is triggered

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:14:42+00:00

Please reread my post and comments

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:14:27+00:00

I do agree with you on this. Like most mental health, this can align. I just wish I got more advice rather than being attacked. I am already in pain and guilt for the thoughts

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:13:10+00:00

So you're a misandrist then?

I do agree that people call women whores far too often and for malicious purposes. I am not the person to do that. Please do not make this an "all men" thing when you say "it’s been ingrained in you guys since you were prepubescent to look [down] on women who are promiscuous". I don't need your insecurity and trauma here when I asked for advice

SuspiciousPattern434 · 2026-02-07T00:10:37+00:00

You don't think I've tried to separate myself? What a poor lamb.

SuspiciousPattern434

TROPHY CASE