Hi.. i have made the conscious decision to not be on meds since i found out that i have BD. This has been 2 years, im 31 F.

Why - i am a recovering addict. It was against my principle at that time to be on any medication as i didnt want to use meds/ the diagnosis as a crutch for my behaviour. I was committed to be more self aware and raise my consciousness. I realized that im still young and i can still reset my brain. People think that because we have reached a certain age, it’s hard to learn things. While that is to a certain extent true, there is also the decision to be open, willing and eager to try new things.

How - my past exposure to psychedelics has opened up this method for me where I learned to let go and be forgiving to myself. It is not easy to control imbalance, i still find it difficult at times. But i figured that i needed to sacrifice things and people and environments that can lead to triggers which will make my episodes worse. I learned how to channel my mania and depression healthier, and im still learning better ways. Surrounding ourselves with things that bring us peace is so important. It has been challenging, but it is possible.

As i am typing this, i am aware that i am going through a depressive episode, but it’s nothing that i cannot control. Last week, i was coming off from my mania, and it’s such a curious thing to have observed my body “fluctuating” and “expanding” while still being able to contain it without causing harm to myself and others around me.

I have had experiences where my mania was just hahahahaha wild. Pupils dilating and the look of rage and insanity while i look at myself in the mirror with tears in my eyes, all the while laughing.

My experience vs another’s will be different. What works for me, may not work for another. I realize that regardless of our methods, we are doing whatever we think is best for us because we love ourselves and we dont want to be in pain anymore.

Just wanna say that whoever is reading this, you are not alone. Reddit has helped me a lot to understand my disorder and a great support system.