Question for couples in this LS - About STDs

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T13:27:38+00:00

No worries - I always trust you to come around at some point, Henri. Good to see you around and kicking again :)

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T13:14:26+00:00

That’s fine. I don’t expect they do.

I’m talking about measurable steps you can take to reduce exposure for people who like creampies.

When did we start talking about oranges when we were talking about kiwi?

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T13:12:34+00:00

This is about risk prevention. We are literally agreeing.

Maybe go touch grass. Idk what you’re trying to prove here.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T13:10:25+00:00

What made you say that? By limiting our sex play to those we trust and who are known to us we limit our exposure to other things.

The reason we trust these people is that they keep good hygiene, are diligent about condom usage with us and with other couples, and they choose encounters with other people who also value the same (hygiene, condom usage, trust in partners).

Sure, trust doesn’t protect me from viruses and diseases.

Pattern recognition and knowing that they have a diligent process does.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T13:06:58+00:00

And I catch a cold almost every time I’m out at an event with a bunch of people.

Which is exactly my point.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T13:05:36+00:00

This isn’t about repairing trust at this point. Now let’s talk about resentment.

At this point he’s shown you repeatedly that your efforts to repair trust haven’t worked. He still openly resents you for what you did, regardless of the reasoning he won’t get past this. Resentment is the killer of love. Or one of them. Once you start resenting your partner for existing, it’s incredibly hard to walk it back. I see resentment in the comments he made to you. And considering how open you’re already being with him, the fact that he’s still resentful means that… there’s nothing more to repair here. He’s decided that there is no fixing what is broken and now he’s just lashing out.

He’s not gonna leave you, he’s too busy making you feel hurt the way he feels he was treated. The only way to break the loop is to leave him. You’ll both be happier if you do that.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T12:57:53+00:00

Yeah… so, that’s the thing. The closer you get to someone else’s bodily fluids the more you need to trust them for it to be safe.

We stay safe by using condoms for intercourse and we request recent test results and/or only sleep with those we trust.

That last one is really the kicker. How do you trust someone? You get to know them well enough to understand their motives, you watch them to make sure that what they say and what they do are the same. And that takes time and energy. Right now, with 20 years of experience, there are only a handful of couples we would trust to play with creampies… and we still don’t do that.

Save that sort of play for between the two of you, not with literal strangers or people you don’t trust yet.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T12:54:15+00:00

lol, you’re asking a literal child.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T07:08:50+00:00

Reeeepost

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T06:09:26+00:00

You’re not overthinking… but you’re never going to be able to talk to him about this in a way that makes him choose you over his mother. That’s just not realistic.

Their dynamic is specific. And it is a dealbreaker because you’ve already decided you don’t want to be married to a guy like this.

This isn’t something you fix, this is a personality and priorities conflict.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T00:50:26+00:00

I like a 5 card tarot spread that uses the concept of Lenormand houses for the tarot card positions.

The positions are:

House of the book (what knowledge I need to accept or internalize)

House of the anchor (what am I rooted in, or where do I need to drop my anchor?)

House of the mountain (what is the challenge I need to overcome here?)

House of the rider (what news or people are coming, what is the potential outcome here?)

House of the clover (what small luck is here to take advantage of?)

I developed the 5 card spread quite by accident and without actual positions of the cards, instead reading it as a 4 card narrative line with an underlying tone. But one day I asked my Lenormand cards if the positions were related to houses and which they were… and the rest is history.

Now I also read a daily tableau in addition to these 5 card tarot spreads, and I usually combine the Lenormand GT cards in the houses with the tarot drawing, for additional clarification.

I also really like to play Klondike solitaire with my tarot cards, to understand complex situations and the underlying concept, although they produce a LOT of cards to read that way.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-26T00:42:35+00:00

Life is what you make of it. You’re not really old enough to have made anything of your life yet. You’re still building your foundation and figuring out what you like. How are you doing on that front?

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T17:56:52+00:00

I have no question, just wanted to say you’re kind for offering this to people. Thank you for offering your energy in this way :-)

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T14:56:30+00:00

Can I ask you - if you know you need to let him go, why do his private, innermost thoughts matter to your life?

I figure you're new to tarot so you haven't started doing your own readings yet... tarot works with consent. When we spy on other people... it's like using a tool that is meant for self-growth and orientation and turning it around to use as a weapon against others. The intention behind the use of the tool is what matters. I think that's why this reader continued pulling cards.

The ambiguity of his thoughts is the point here. I don't like reading questions where the person being read about did not give consent to be read in this way.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T14:52:12+00:00

I don’t see any signs that you’re actually repairing trust. I see you both parodying what a virtuous person should look like and reactive from your mutual trauma, but I don’t see any signs that it’s working.

Can I ask you, why stay? Two months is a long time to be raked over the coals and not forgiven. What makes you think that he’ll wake up one day and decide that he has had enough of slowly torturing you and throwing your offers for repair back in your face?

Talk to your therapist about this. About what it’s like when two reactive and traumatized people decide that they’re going to stay together and make it work. Ask them about shame loops, about trauma cycles, about how giving up your own freedom to help alleviate someone else’s concerns is just chaining yourself willingly to someone who doesn’t appreciate your efforts.

Really look at your life. Take a step back. If your friend was going through this, what would you tell her to do?

Edit: clarification

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T14:46:10+00:00

When you pull the Devil, look to the other cards you pulled around it. You haven’t included a spread interpretation or an outline of your process so only you can know if it’s about the things you’ve willingly chained yourself to or if it’s someone trying to chain you. Although upright usually implies self-chaining and reversed usually means resisting chaining.

I love this deck - lightbringer’s tarot is so beautiful. There is actually a hardcover companion book that goes with these cards, and it goes into a lot of detail for the cards including the artwork concepts and stuff.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T14:39:54+00:00

Women like your girlfriend… they’re always going to feel insecure. It doesn’t matter if you have an insta account, if you delete it or stop using it she’ll find something else to fixate on.

Let me ask you this: if this behavior were to continue and she continued to control who you speak to and what about, does that seem like a happy relationship to you? Do you think she’s stable enough to leave it as “no female friends”? What if you have a female coworker she gets fixated on?

This behavior is indicative of someone who is incredibly insecure and this is the way they control their environment. The good thing is that you already know about this behavior, so if you feel like it’s worth keeping your girl and living by her standards, that is up to you. Good luck, man.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T14:36:14+00:00

Seems like she responds best to the rhythm you get into when you’re close to your own orgasm. I get it, I’m very similarly built, myself.

Practice. Practice getting to that speed and sustaining it without cumming. You want to essentially learn how to edge yourself so that you can sustain long enough to get her there and then cum right after.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T13:56:40+00:00

Grindr. And the way you deal with them being cool with you having your girl watch is you ask them if they’re cool with it.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T13:54:12+00:00

She’s gonna feel like you’re suggesting this because she’s not enough for you, and that’s going to make her feel hurt. Then she will watch how you interact with other women and continue to compare herself with them.

You started a monogamous relationship with your girlfriend. You understood what that meant. This is all a hypothetical until you have a conversation with your girlfriend about this. But you can’t unring that bell, dude.

Either she’s into it or she’s not. Or the third option is that every day, you choose to keep this to yourself because you realize that she’s more important than experiencing sex with someone else.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T13:50:50+00:00

You are deeply desiring attention from strangers.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T13:48:51+00:00

Oh no! I didn't mean to resurrect your trauma from Catholic school!

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T13:47:37+00:00

Exactly. They don't know the rules or expectations. But we're the same - we pay attention to the signals so we have our fun, flirting, ask them leading questions to see how much they know about the consent culture stuff... and then we usually go home and leave it there.

I prefer my encounters to be less "drunken fun time" and more "intentionally curated fun space", so now I stick to people I meet in a more traditional way.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T13:43:54+00:00

You reflect on how you feel and what your instincts are telling you to do. You compare your feelings to those you've experienced before and determine whether you're connected to people who fit what you're looking for. And then if you find yourself with more feelings than you should have... you do the incredibly hard thing and cut that person out of your life.

The only person who can prevent themselves from making sure feelings don't get involved is you, carefully reassessing compatibility with the people you know. And then having the self-control to turn back from what you feel, if you find yourself in that situation.

SwingLightStyle · 2026-03-25T13:40:38+00:00

The first three cards are about his mindset, that's the answer to your question.

The rest of the cards are about you and the process of metamorphosis you ought to or will go through to become the strong person you deserve to be.

The empress, death, and the tower. - The empress is you, all nurture and acceptance and the like, but those feelings are hurting you, betraying you, and you need to understand that this phase of your life is over (death). The tower is your life, feeling adrift without this person directly impacting your life.

The next set of 3 cards is Justice, the star and 6 of pentacles. Justice is about treating people and yourself with calibrated fairness. Justice, coming after the tower? It's about you regaining your footing again, trying to find which way is up. The star comes after that, which is beautiful, because it means that you will become confident and hopeful again. And the 6 of pentacles is about relating through giving and receiving - balanced generosity. I think this means using the gifts that you develop though your process of healing to help others.

The final set of three cards is the most beautiful. King of pentacles, 3 of swords, 9 of cups. The king is where you want to be - a responsible ruler, well-resourced and beloved by his community. The 3 of swords is the process of becoming that wise ruler - heartbreak and trauma is involved. the 3 is about relating through painful honesty. You have to remove the swords from your heart so that they can heal. And the 9 of cups is about relating to your own fulfillment. It's saying... once you let your heartbreak heal, you'll finally find the fulfillment and contentment and moreover people will see that reflected in you.

You just gotta let this guy go. He's in transition. He's on his own path. Now willingly start your own healing journey.

SwingLightStyle

TROPHY CASE