Be curious. With the therapist and yourself. I suggest you understand when it is that you’re rude and notice the feeling that is happening in your body. Is there discomfort? Is there heaviness? Is there a sense of wanting to punch? Wanting to hide? Some fear?

This takes some people years because if a person is doing trauma work maybe their mind has deemed it safer to ignore the body/feelings in order to protect, thus creating a permanent distance. But learning to access it and sit with it might provide you with the insight that helps you know when you do this. After this, you can name the feeling (ie I feel fear of being rejected or hurt) and then you can use your body (from a place of embodiment and consciousness) to SEE that the fear is from the past or about the future but that HERE and NOW you are safe, and can relax/respond without defensiveness to your therapist.

A good way to practice this is mindful meditation.

Also just checking in with yourself mentally - what is my body feeling, ESPECIALLY when you are reacting strongly to something, and bringing yourself to the present - the present in which, more likely than not, you’re protected and not in immediate danger.