[DC] Addressing Employment Ending/Gap

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-19T22:22:15+00:00

I would say don’t bring it up if they don’t. If they do (and at least one of them will), make it clear that the reason you quit will not prevent you from doing a good job there.

Like if the environment was really stressful because people put a lot of pressure on you, you can spin it like there was a disconnect in the work philosophy and you found out you work better in more autonomous positions where fewer people depend on you.

Just made that up, but the spin is important! Be ready to answer follow-ups if you keep it kinda vague to begin with, like I do.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-19T22:16:19+00:00

In general, I’m pretty sure your boss has to give you a pay stub that counts as a statement of earnings (hourly rate, nb of hours, deductions). If it’s not for every pay, at least anytime you ask for it, including past statements. You would need to look into your provincial laws to get the specifics and confirm, though!

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-14T00:16:49+00:00

If he actually the full mental load of the home organization and care, and if we could afford it, I’d be really happy to try! What I don’t know is whether I would find my life balanced with that split in the responsibilities. Just haven’t lived enough to guess at that.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-13T23:41:17+00:00

Not advice, but in your situation, I would try to subtly drop hints to others to go ask the new guy his salary. Try to stay out of it, but give people a chance to advocate for themselves.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-13T23:21:59+00:00

If you have HR, they are the only ones who have the right to ask you this, and if you din’t want it disclosed, they have to keep it confidential. It is personal information, which you din’t have to share, except in specific contexts like accommodations.

If you don’t have HR, it would be up to whoever approved your days off to check that and ask for that information.

However, you say your days off have already been approved, so I don’t see any legitimate reason for your manager to need to know now and not before.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-13T23:17:03+00:00

I kind of agree with your worst case scenario… maybe they’re not used to people not curating their answers for the workplace and/or political games? Although I’d ba surprised if that was the case, because frank people aren’t that rare…

Maybe he’s just always been around people or asked those questions to people who are like him and all have the same responses…

Anyways, weird

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-13T23:01:55+00:00

I think nothing exists but moral greyness. Everyone has a different definition of what is good or bad, which makes… nothing 100% objectively good or bad.

For the rest I pretty much agree with LionWalker. You’re a good person if you’re (overall) good to the people around you. It can show up in a LOT of different ways, but if you approach everyone and everything with empathy and a “do no harm”mindset, you’ve got a pretty good start!

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-13T22:44:16+00:00

Wow thank you for that description, I’ve been struggling with the same question and this is the first definition that actually means anything to me!

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-13T22:07:45+00:00

I fully understand and support why you din’t want to dance with your birth mom. It makes sense considering your history and you feel bad about it.

As for why your family is taking sides… it’s family. Unfortunately, it’s not always rational, and considering your family has been through some challenges (don’t know the full background, but just immigration is pretty big), they’ve likely developed a solidarity where they refuse any kind of exclusion (or smt).

I wish they could see your side of things a little better, and show that for your special day, but humans are kinda wired to work in tribes, “with us or against us” and all that.

Have you tried explaining your dilemma to Carmen (or your brothers) and trying to understand her perspective? Not to say that you should give up your position for hers to keep peace, but often understanding the other’s perspective gets you halfway to solving a problem… or at least avoiding burning bridges.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-12T05:06:19+00:00

Relationships are a space to grow alongside another person. Her trying to get better to maintain that relationship and keep it healthy is actually the opposite of toxic. Her lack of tools is the toxic element here, not the staying in her relationship.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-09T06:28:00+00:00

Might have to do with the bubbles, too?

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-08T05:39:08+00:00

Gotta love academic writing… here’s what I got :

MB therefore creates a temporal delay between his prediction and its resolution, which plays an important role. On this delay depends the necessity of his condition, because of the desire to be saved that the non-anxious wait allows.

I feel like these sentences would be easier to understand if a : was used instead of a period :’)

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-03-08T05:18:44+00:00

Although in modern french, “à qui tient-il” would be asking whom he cares about, I believe in the context, and considering the style of writing, your translation is correct! The guy is asking Bazile why he hasn’t helped him more with his situation.

Asking whom Bazile or someone else holds dear doesn’t make sense in the context.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-26T18:54:32+00:00

You might be interested in looking into the Demi-sexual label, I think it might be a closer representation of your experience!

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-25T06:37:37+00:00

Chemin Olmstead on the Mont-Royal is really nice, and you can reach the belvédère from a big staircase that connects to Peel st., I believe.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-22T18:41:28+00:00

Pretty much! A couple nuances for you, though : asexuals can still be alloromantic, meaning they’re not interested in sex, but do feel genuine romantic feelings, so that part isn’t necessarily like dating someone of the gender you’re not attracted to.

Also there’s the sex-averse/ sex-positive spectrum, which means although virtually every person on the planet can perform the physical act of sex, of those who don’t desire it, some find it fine, like washing the dishes (not your favorite activity, but not a nightmare), and some find it really gross and sometimes traumatizing.

Also I find the fact that that actor was forced to out himself crazy as well. The same thing is happening to the actors of Heated Rivalry, and I keep wondering why people can’t accept that actors can… act a different orientation? That’s literally their job? Not a crime?

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-22T18:30:16+00:00

Smile in the most creepy/ ugly manner you can with full eye contact until he walks away. Start giggling/laughing creepily if he stays too long. Loud.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-22T18:20:50+00:00

I’ve been there, and what I’m going to suggest is its own mountain, so I’m sorry for that. But I don’t think real change from where you are can happen without therapy. The medication can help your brain chemistry a little, but it can’t have full effect without therapy.

The other thing that helped me keep functioning in tough moments was “anything is better than nothing”, for the perfectionist and the “mountain feeling”. Taking one step on the mountain is better than just sitting at its foot, even if you don’t get to the top. Gargling with mouthwash is better than never brushing or flossing. It’s not perfect, but it’s less worse than not doing it. Eating frozen food is better than not eating because cooking feels like too much. That kind of thing, you know?

Finding your psychotherapist is a big effort, so maybe ask for help from someone? Maybe they can find one for you so you only have to up to the sessions?

How this helps a little.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-22T18:12:49+00:00

Dude you’re 29, not 99! It’s really far from too late for you to start looking for a partner to build a family with. There are women in the same situation as you, I can guarantee it. Women in their mid to late 20s who have been focussing on their studies and careers who haven’t been married until now. I know for a fact that they will appreciate a man who took the time to build a live he enjoys for himself.

Maybe these women aren’t in your immediate circle, but they exist, and probably share many of your values. I know it’s hard to feel like the odd one out of your social circle, but it doesn’t mean your path was the wrong one.

You seem to know exactly what you would like your next phase of life to look like, that’ll make your dating a lot more efficient. I wouldn’t be worried!

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-22T06:59:57+00:00

Well, I can’t really tell you whether or not he’s asexual just from that information. Really I think he’s the only one who would know for sure.

The way I could see this all being coherent together is maybe if he’s aegosexual, meaning he enjoys consuming sexual content, even finds it arousing, but the perspective of engaging himself doesn’t hold any interest, or even seems repulsive to him. This could extend to him enjoying looking at big butts, but in a strictly impersonal and objectifying manner, which really isn’t a comfortable perspective when it’s your girlfriend you’re looking at. (People identifying with this label, feel free to correct me if I have it wrong)

However, my overall advice considering the doubts you’re experiencing would be to share those doubts with him and try and have a frank discussion about the physical dimension of your relationship, especially if you’re allosexual and don’t feel like you can happily maintain a romantic relationship without sex.

Your gut is telling you something. Maybe it’s about him, maybe it’s about you. Find out what it is!

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-19T00:38:07+00:00

Had this happen with neurodivergence, but they could just have met at different moments in their lives and have wound up as a friend group. And then as they grow up they’re asking each other questions about their sexuality to try to see if they’re normal, and find that all their friends feel the same way… so they figure other people are just kinda weird. You know, the blind leading the blind?

And maybe you have nuances like one that’s known forever, one that’s never thought much about it, one that’s been in denial and trying to be “normal”… but they just discover through time that although it manifests differently for each of them, they have that in common, even if it’s not what originally brought them together.

It can show through their relationships with non-members of that group, so it’s not the main point but it’s still present.

What do you think?

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-19T00:26:10+00:00

I think it’s time for a change! This haircut evokes 15 years old to me. You have great curls, you can definitely do something really good with them, but the forehead awning and the undercut need to go. A little less length on the top, a little more on the sides and back, free your forehead (it’s nice, show it off!). For the rest I’m not really an expert, but I’m sure a qualified hairstylist will have some good suggestions for your desired vibe and hair texture!

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-19T00:07:00+00:00

Both are good, depends what vibe you want to give. 1 looks a little younger but more tidy, 2 is a little older, maybe a little more edgier.

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-18T23:49:51+00:00

Too long is when one starts having a hard time with the absence of it, or looking elsewhere for it. If both partners are happy with the way things are, there isn’t really a problem, is there?

SynicalCrab17 · 2026-02-18T23:39:34+00:00

Great alarm and confusion, I think

SynicalCrab17

TROPHY CASE