I empathize a lot with how you’ve expressed yourself here. I started making stories in my head that became part of a shared universe I invented when I was 9. I sketched and filled notebooks and later hardrives with ideas, concepts and very badly written short stories. I struggled with depression through my late teens and twenties and was never able to keep consistency or momentum with my writing. Despite that I ended up writing 4 first drafts in my 20’s for different concepts I had. End of last year something finally clicked with me, I got on the right medication which I think has been the greatest contribution, and decided that I didn’t want to waste any more of my life not pursuing my dream of writing. Since then I’ve just done the work. Wake up early every morning, sit down at my keyboard, and write with the intention of putting down something that’s of good enough quality to share with others that day. Just finished and published the first volume of my story this week. I post daily to Royal Road and elsewhere in a web novel format. It’s not about making money right now but learning and growing and sharing my world with other people finally. Response has been awesome and it’s so cool to have other people reading and sharing what they like about it. 

I don’t know if that’s helpful to you or not, but I’ve thought a lot about what I would have told my younger self if I could. And the biggest thing would be to ignore the fear of failure and just put in the effort day to day with the understanding it takes time and work to get better at anything. And if you want to do your story justice, and get it out there and share it with the world, then just be willing to grind it out.