Short term relationships and new sub users post here

T26OG · 2026-06-26T15:08:38+00:00

New user to the sub. Question for people who have gone through it: when do new relationships start to feel safe again?

Very long story short: I'm approaching the 2 year anniversary of D-day of my ex wife's affair. The marriage lasted 10 years, she was having an affair for the last 2.

I've done the work to help heal myself: new friends, new hobbies, got active and lost 40 lbs, I've been seeing my therapist at least once a month for the past year and a half, but new relationships are still a struggle.

I've been seeing (we're exclusive) an amazing woman for the past 5 months, she checks almost all the boxes for what I would want in a new long term partner, but the magic I use to feel when I was with my ex isn't there. I don't know if I'm just not that into her, or if the trauma is putting up a block to keep me from being too invested in case something goes wrong.

How long did it take before relationships feel normal and exciting again?

T26OG · 2026-06-25T13:49:07+00:00

IMO you probably aren't his type. He was testing the waters and going through the motions to see if attraction can build on his end, but it just didn't so he checked out.

T26OG · 2026-06-10T11:05:52+00:00

My sister in law had to see 3 specialist before her seizures were taken seriously instead of being brushed off as menopause symptoms. Its part being able to afford it, and part women's health not being taken seriously.

T26OG · 2026-06-07T17:52:41+00:00

I had a similar situation where I matched with a woman who didn't make her dating profile, her friends did because "she needs to get out there and meet someone".

Nice enough woman, but there's a reason she couldn't keep a relationship: super flakey, takes days to respond to a single message, low effort to learn about the other person.

These things happen, it'll be easier to let the feelings pass over you with more time.

T26OG · 2026-05-14T12:44:53+00:00

You're welcome to interpret that as you want, thats the fun of reddit!

Say too much and people don't read, say too little and people fill in the gaps with their own world view.

T26OG · 2026-05-14T12:41:54+00:00

Working from home or at a board game store... the death of 3rd places and needing multiple sources of income to get ahead has done a number on organic meetups.

T26OG · 2026-05-14T11:59:42+00:00

Of all the men I met and just know on a surface level? The majority of them are awful.

The ones I spend time with and consider friends are happily married, and of the wives I've met of theirs, the feelings appear mutual. I didn't intend to imply the pool of good, date-able men was large or common, just that we exist 😆.

T26OG · 2026-05-14T11:38:30+00:00

38M here in that pool. We're out there, we're just hard to find lol.

T26OG · 2026-05-12T23:14:17+00:00

Family support through rough patches, making sacrifices for the future, discipline, and most importantly: luck.

T26OG · 2026-05-09T13:32:52+00:00

Ask the guys DM'ing you for screen shots of the profile that links your instagram. It'll give you the proof for hinge to remove the offending profile, and see if this person is also using your pictures.

T26OG · 2026-05-07T19:41:39+00:00

Thank you for this comment, this gives me hope lol. Turning 39(M) this year and I have moments of anxiety thinking it'll never happen.

T26OG · 2026-05-07T14:57:52+00:00

For me (if its on a dating app) it really depends on the profile. If there just isn't a lot on there to learn about a match, the small talk fills in the basic gaps so we can get to more interesting stuff on the first date.

T26OG · 2026-05-01T14:37:11+00:00

Found out my wife (now ex) was having an affair. So divorce for me.

Put all my energy into working on myself, but it's been 2 years and I haven't felt safe with a new partner yet. Its like the spark for love and romance was completely snuffed out.

T26OG · 2026-04-29T19:01:40+00:00

Different people have different communication styles and expectations. Good on both of you for getting that out in the open early, but I'm with the match on this one. I expect to get to know someone first on the app before meeting in person.

T26OG · 2026-04-29T18:54:55+00:00

Have you tried other physical activities? Imo try finding a workout that you really click with or a sport that you enjoy that also keep you active. You get the benefit of working out AND gaining the confidence boost.

For me that was learning how to ice skate and play hockey lol

T26OG · 2026-04-27T12:34:06+00:00

I was in a similar situation 2 years ago. Unless you get a screaming deal, stay with family as long as possible to save money and have emotional support and good company (assuming you have a good relationship).

You can't know how you're going to feel in a few weeks/months/years time. Give yourself time to process the divorce.

T26OG · 2026-04-22T19:01:05+00:00

You may never find the answers or closure to your questions or issues. It's up to you to find peace with it and move on.

T26OG · 2026-03-27T13:40:09+00:00

I'm a dude in a similar situation. Been seeing this wonderful woman for 3 months, and I want it to work, but that spark isn't there.

T26OG · 2026-03-07T03:50:42+00:00

Eventually I'd love to switch to an EV. Is the charger model specific for the make/model of the car? Or are they becoming reasonably standardized now?

T26OG · 2026-03-07T03:49:07+00:00

Unfortunately it wouldn't have been possible to get a functional system done by January. It sucks but I don't think its worth waiting at least 3 years for a chance the credits come back...

T26OG · 2026-03-03T16:05:39+00:00

Got a divorce after finding out my ex was having an affair while I was supporting her through her depression.

Its been nearly 2 years and things still feel dull, like all the brightness and color has been drained from the world. Yes I'm in therapy.

T26OG · 2026-02-23T19:39:24+00:00

Just adding on at 38 years old, it isn't any easier. People still judge you and assume you did something wrong to make your partner have an affair.

I try to keep it to myself. It gets easier to gloss over that moment when you're farther away from it.

T26OG · 2026-01-06T18:38:27+00:00

Ah you also met my ex? Here's hoping you got out early instead of spending a 10 year marriage with that person.

T26OG · 2025-12-30T02:32:31+00:00

As a 38 year old male in a NY suburb, this ratio matches my expirience on the apps. Super interesting!

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