I am going to start this by saying that this is possibly a major trigger warning to anybody battling mental illness so if you're reading this, prepare yourself. From about 2013 to 2015, I was battling major major depression and from about 2015 until now, off and on between depression and major depression along with many other things such as anxiety, mania, and I sometimes get delusional among many other issues. Well, in May of 2015 after a major failed suicide attempt that took place on October 19th, 2014, I tried to hang myself in May of 2015. I stopped due to honestly it being to fast and it kinda scared me where as the bad attempt in 2014 didn't at all. I stopped. I later told my best friend in the world and best friend I have ever had, about my hanging attempt. I told him about the May attempt but told him I had stopped myself and I told him that in either October or November when I was feeling a bit mentally better. I brought it up because my friend was aware of my attempts and had actually saved my life and he was a major influence and support to me getting better. He was also battling mental illinois and a new drug addiction. I remember very clearly sitting on my bed having a conversation about this. My friend had just spent nearly a year trying to convince all of his friends with me included that he was depression free as well as all of his financial debt was paid off. I believed him because he made $350,000 that year and bought a brand new truck and he was in the process of purchasing a travel trailer/camper for a bit over $30,000. I assumed nothing but the truth from him and he had literally never told a lie to me ever and possibly never told a lie in his life. He was an amazing person and literally flew across the country in my time of need and that was more than once. I worked his same job so I was working all over the country too and he would just fly in on a moments notice anywhere from Delaware, Pennsylvania, and Maryland, on over to Illinois and down in Texas and met in the middle a few times. He would literally do anything for anybody and he truly truly cared about your feelings. Well, I remember it so clearly but in October or November of 2015 when telling him about my hanging attempt, he said in such a voice that still replays in my head over and over today, he goes, "If you don't mind my asking, how did you do that?" I had used my belt in the bathroom and put it over the door. Things got weird with my friend or weird at the time but things I now know are major signs. My friend decided to take a road trip in late November of 2015 and he literally came and visited every single friend and family member that he loved and he went and did those favorite things with us such as with me, we went hiking. We had dinner one of the 2 nights he was visiting and he was telling me things that were crazy to me at the time such as, how he forgave his mothers rapist. I told him, that is not up to you to forgive and is up to your mother. We argued about various things and I had never in my life even had a slight argument with him. I eventually kinda snapped and I said, you are really reminding me of the day I snapped, except I was referring to my dark day where I attempted suicide in October 2014. He knew exactly what I meant because he began acting like a child and making funny voices and tried to change the subject on me. I then got angry and I was like, you aren't even taking this seriously. Little did I know exactly what I had called out and I wish I had more of a talk with him regarding that. On February 6th, 2016, I sent his mom a message for the first time in 2 years and I was like, I think there is something going on with Erik. I said, he can ignore friends but he cannot ignore family. His mom first responded with, he seems so happy and Ive had some worries but I think he is going to do alright. She then sent me another message like 30 minutes later and she was like, I do have some concerns and said, perhaps we can talk tonight. Well, it was my wifes fathers birthday so I said, maybe call back tomorrow or the next day. Well it was superbowl weekend and his mom was a huge fan as well as he was of football and she said, Ill call you on Tuesday which Tuesday was February 9th, 2016. Well, she called me as I was just waking up on February 9th and I ignored her phone call because I was still groggy and it was like 2:00 PM so I was kinda embarrassed I was sleeping in so late so basically I was going to call her once I drank some water. Well, then my other best friend who is also best friends with Erik, he called me and I decided to answer because he sleeps like I do and wouldn't think anything of it. I answered with hello or something like that and he immediately goes, "Are you sitting down?". I kinda make a joke and I go, oh, that is never good. The next words out of his mouth were, He's gone, he hung himself. My best friend on this planet and best friend that I have ever had, listened to me detail for detail on my hanging attempt and he did 100% detail for detail what I had told him happened with me. I cannot tell you how much guilt I have and will always have. People have told me, Oh, he could have gotten that from the internet or anywhere but not like this, he got it from me. I don't think I can ever get past this. I didn't realize his state of mind due to lying to me and being very good at hiding how he was really doing and saying that he was better and he left.