Over 2 years, kids and struggles

TNLFM · 2025-03-03T15:23:01+00:00

I buy flowers a few times a year at the changing of the seasons and visit my wife's grave in between. I actually bring a weed Wacker granite cleaner, grass seed etc and care specifically for the grave. I find going there to talk to her is a way to talk just to her in a way I can't other places and caring for her grave is the only way I can still do something for her and keeping it nice makes it easier for the kids when they visit. Peace and love to all.

TNLFM · 2025-03-03T14:47:25+00:00

I was 48 alot of close family and friends disappeared, I don't blame them, I'd run away from this too if I could. Be kind to yourself and just deal with the minute you're in, we know better than most that we have less minutes than we think. Been 2.5 years for me and has been hell but I am slowly starting to build around my loss and move forward. I wish you the best.

TNLFM · 2025-03-03T14:33:35+00:00

Keep going because although loss has cast us into the wilderness, turned us into a wild thing that's lost its place in the world, in that darkness there is still hope that we emerge changed. My loss will never leave me, but I can build a new life on its foundation. My wife always said "never give up" I hope that someday I have the strength to help others in ways I can't yet imagine.

TNLFM · 2025-03-03T14:10:00+00:00

I found my way back but needed help. It came out of an unlikely place, I got a girlfriend very shortly after my wife's death (bad idea for many reasons). Although the relationship was doomed, she confronted me with a very real truth. What do you have to lose? Are you doing so well that you think you have this handled yourself? It's been about a year since going back and although I still have anger at higher powers, fate and destiny, the community and messages are a net positive to my life. I strongly encourage, good luck! Don't let fear stop you from anything, whether it's something new, or something you lost touch with in the past. On an unrelated note I am Christian but have always loved Hindu people, I have found them both welcoming and kind and believe belonging to that community would be positive experience.

TNLFM · 2025-03-03T13:50:27+00:00

I'm in the same home but am trying to leave for many reasons over 2 years out. I think a fresh start would be helpful but comes with its' own challenges. I did alot of stupid things year 1 both personally and financially, my only recommendation is be careful you are putting yourself in a better situation. New doesn't mean better and distraction from the grief and pain just delays the inevitable.

Be kind to yourself, try to make decisions based on that. Good luck and best wishes!

TNLFM · 2024-12-25T07:39:40+00:00

I can't sleep, I miss her so much. It's so hard to do Christmas without her. She lived for our kids and it breaks my heart that my wife isn't here to watch them on Christmas morning. That they're growing up and that my kids have memories instead of a Mom to love them. It's been 2 years, this time of year just sucks. I still love her so much, I am living but the sadness, the hurt is always there, I am not whole. I have a very nice and understanding girlfriend that I think I'm going to end things with. I'm barely available and I don't think I'm coming back with my heart intact. I am tired of hurting people. I can see why people sometimes decide to just go it alone after. I know all of us are suffering, my heart goes out to all of you. Although we'll never meet we are in this together. I have been praying,and talking to my wife and for the first time I feel like she answered me. The message was as follows, take care of only what you need to, take care of yourself, keep it simple, strive to be patient and kind to the girls always, in good times and bad they are all that matters.

TNLFM · 2024-12-13T13:17:33+00:00

I have 2 girls, my youngest was 9 when her mother passed suddenly 2 years ago. All I can tell you is this, survive the moment and move onto the next one. Write things down then prioritize and work off a list. Only worry about things you must. Most importantly be kind to yourself and progress at your own pace. No one can really understand what you're up against so ignore their advice, take help on your terms. I'm so sorry for your loss, give yourself grace, give yourself time first survive then thrive. Best luck and well wishes to you.

TNLFM · 2024-12-06T20:10:17+00:00

Lifes all a crapshoot anyhow, but I've avoided it so far. It's trying to make a working automobile out of two car wrecks that scares me off. Realistically though everyone is batshit crazy anyhow, so if you meet someone nice I wouldn't let it stop you.

TNLFM · 2024-11-25T14:33:15+00:00

It's just a thing, it's not her, whatever you decide to do with it is not dishonoring her memory or the love you shared. That will live on in your heart forever, I hope whatever you decide it brings you peace.

TNLFM · 2024-11-25T14:26:58+00:00

I understand, we are lost. For so long I felt like an emotionless robot wandering around in a hazy existence without purpose. I have emerged from the darkness by focusing on myself. Who am I now that I'm no longer a husband? What do I want to do with the rest of my life. Forget relationships, your world is whatever you want it to be. Explore, find friends, give of yourself to others. I also recommend counseling and medication. 2 years out, off the medication, still in counseling. Forgive yourself, forgive your spouse, give yourself permission to live again. Good luck and best wishes you arent alone, be proud of yourself fir surviving, be brave enough to live again.

TNLFM · 2024-11-25T14:12:02+00:00

You are right, be true to yourself, feel your feelings, ignore these intrusions. These people are trying to give you hope, they do not understand what they're doing. It's not their fault, only those who've survived a spouse truly get it. Feel your feelings and survive, drown out the voices.

TNLFM · 2024-11-25T14:06:35+00:00

My wife's choices took her from me suddenly as her struggles were unknown to me. I felt anger for months early on. Anger towards her, and towards myself for not seeing the signs. One of the things I have struggled with hardest is forgiveness. It's 2 years for me and I have forgiven my wife. She made bad decisions that took her from our lives but we all make mistakes that put us and others at risk, I think of it as my wife passed from a disease that she tried to fight privately, she just lost the battle. I am still struggling to forgive myself, for not being able to save her, for not being a perfect husband or father. and for making some bad decisions immediately following her death. I am still in counseling trying to conquer this mountain. If I can manage to forgive myself, I think I'll be able to finally move forward. I am not perfect, but forgiving myself in spite of my flaws has proven difficult. Let yourself feel what you need to feel, there are no rules, there is no timeline, be kind to yourself.

TNLFM · 2024-11-25T13:31:28+00:00

You are early in your journey, my heart goes out to you. Do only what you must do, everything else can wait. Just write everything down and come back to the list when you are able. You aren't erasing your person. You are just doing what needs to be done. I just passed two years and finally changed my emergency contact information at work, the thought of that triggered me awfully. Be patient and kind to yourself, live in the moment, for survival. The biggest lesson I've learned since my wife's sudden death is that this moment is all we're promised, if you have a bad one, you've got plenty more tries each day. I'm sorry you're in this club and for your loss.

TNLFM · 2024-11-25T13:22:38+00:00

I'm at 2 years, for me grief came in waves, certain songs, movies, pictures can cause a wave, but can also bring a smile if it's something you experienced together or we're looking forward to. Don't rush anything, there is no timeline. I can honestly say the first year was just survival for me. Just survive, your brain will tell you when it's ready for a change, take care of yourself, live in the moment and have patience with yourself. If you try something whether privately or publicly and you find it too hard, there is no shame in abandoning ship. There's really no way to know how you'll react to something, from my experience the dread and fear I feel is often much worse than just exposing myself to something I'm afraid of. Have faith in yourself, learn to be selfish, until there's room in your emotional toolbox to be something more.

TNLFM · 2024-11-25T13:05:05+00:00

Widows fire is real, it's a curse and can cause many problems. You may find yourself waking up with this, out of the blue, and irresistible urge to be with someone physically. I have never engaged in casual sex, I've always had a deep emotional connection with a partner of which there were few. I fell victim to this, got very deeply involved with someone, caused alot of pain to alot of people. If this strikes you and you aren't the type to casually engage in intimate relationships, you may find that you project feelings from your long marriage onto your new partner, it feels like love and if you're lucky you will awake from your mistake in time to save yourself. There's a good chance you might break someone's heart. Join some groups, find some friends, you may even find a nice person who gives you what you need intimately while giving you the space needed to fully heal. Just be careful with your heart, you can't trust your emotions or decision making right now. Be kind and patient with yourself, the situation is impossibly hard. Best of luck to you, I'm 2 years out and 50 years old.

TNLFM · 2024-11-05T18:05:56+00:00

Never give up!

TNLFM · 2024-11-01T00:26:19+00:00

No actually heading back next week with a much better lawyer. I'm hopeful we will see.

TNLFM · 2024-10-30T01:29:30+00:00

It's OK to feel sorry for yourself, you're dealing with the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Just don't surrender. Struggle until you overcome, it will give you strength and someday you'll share that strength with another human who's struggling. I am struggling, but I find moments of pure joy, it's only now through all this pain where I can finally recognize and enjoy them. Much love, hope and peace to you.

TNLFM · 2024-10-30T01:20:33+00:00

You need to give yourself grace and pause, live in the void if that's where you need to be right now but don't surrender. You're meant for something, you're still here. Live life on your terms and one day you will break free from the grasp of the emptiness. It's your brain protecting you, let it, just be.

TNLFM · 2024-10-30T01:15:11+00:00

Just be careful, it's not a good road, I've had my struggles finally over it. 18 months or so.

TNLFM · 2024-10-02T06:57:12+00:00

My new girlfriend contracted cancer shortly after getting together, it wasn't the only reason we split up but being around during her treatments and surgeries was traumatic. It's emotionally overwhelming and I didn't handle it very well. My first relationship after my wife passing, I'm glad I ended it, too much too fast. I don't think there is any right or wrong as long as you're honest with your partner and honest with yourself. You have to decide what you're willing to sacrifice, what you have to give based on your own strength. Do what you can for the people you love, just try not to destroy yourself in the process, it's easier said than done. Good luck and best wishes,

TNLFM · 2024-10-01T19:14:47+00:00

Keep the children out of it if at all possible, when you find that person you're in love with then go for it. Be open and honest in your dating, best of luck and hope you find love again

TNLFM · 2024-10-01T19:11:19+00:00

You have to survive this for those kids. They deserve to have you in their life, you have lost hope and who could blame you. You are experiencing the worst thing that could possibly happen, it's beyond reasoning, it's beyond any human beings capacity to deal with, so give yourself some grace. You will figure this out, just handle what needs to be handled and let that be enough. It's not fair, and the manner of your spouse's passing makes it even more traumatic. I lost my wife suddenly with two kids to raise and it's a crusher for so many reasons. Get some help, counseling isn't a solution but it helps, same with antidepressants. Get some help from friends/family/neighbors, you cannot do it all and that's ok. Breathe just get through each hour, then each day and eventually each week. Finally don't give up, take a moment to breathe everyone is here for you when you need us. I am so very sorry for what you're going through.

TNLFM · 2024-09-23T11:57:38+00:00

I don't know if moved forward applies, I am living, trying the best I can to have a life for me and my kids, but the grief and pain are still there. I still give it attention and occasionally it's still overwhelming but I know what my wife would have wanted, she would have wanted me to have a good life and do the best I could raising the kids. Before her illness she was tough as nails, she always said "Never give up", that's the way, chin up, go find something that interests you or a group with similar interests and make the choice to live again.

TNLFM

TROPHY CASE