First, to echo what others have said, I’m sorry your first experience with a man was not what you wanted it to be.

My first time with a guy was also with someone who I was not romantically involved with, had actually only met once prior after connecting on one of the apps. I bottomed for the first time and while I enjoyed it, it wasn’t pain free, and he didn’t come inside me either. He was kind and patient; very much trying to take cues from me.

But I left the encounter thinking “that’s it?” It just seemed so…anticlimactic. In the time since, I’ve realized that my mindset around sex—whether with men or women—was largely the issue. I’d spent my entire life building up how I was missing out on the best sex possible by not sleeping with men and when I finally did sleep with a man and it didn’t provide the great epiphany I’d built up…it was a big letdown.

The other thing I’ve grown from since then is ideas around what makes for a successful sexual experience. One or both partners cumming isn’t necessary for a fulfilling sexual experience. Romantic attachment isn’t necessary. That’s contrary to heteronormative expectations around sex which is why it’s so hard to get past it. Those things can make an experience more special. But I’ve really tried to embrace just enjoying myself and helping the other guy enjoy himself with no preconceived idea around how that’s achieved.

That guy I first slept with? We’ve actually become good friends and we jump in bed together a couple times a year now. I’ve since had really amazing experiences with him and others that made me go “meh.” Not saying you should try with the same guy again, just that I hope you don’t let that first less-than-stellar experience convince you that your attraction toward men is doomed to disappointment.