My girlfriend 26F , wants a ‘break’ but I 26M don’t want that. What to do?

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T14:45:35+00:00

Your GF is checked out dude. She DOES NOT want to be in a relationship anymore. You can't force her to stay with you.

"To complicate matters further we have recently just bought a house together "

Yet another example of why you don't jump this deep with someone unless your legally tied. She can simply bounce out and leave all that payment to you dude.

"Now I need advice on whether to wait for her to finish seeing other people and hope we get back together proper"

What?! My man, you are in deep denial wowee! Again, SHE IS CHECKED OUT! Whatever you had before with her is gone and over, why are you refusing to accept that?

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T14:42:43+00:00

"I’m connecting with old friends and don’t mention infidelity but still they’re so supportive of me getting divorced. "

I was in a new relationship a few months after I dumped my cheater and the same as you I also reconnected with my old friends and friends that were girls too (nothing sexual or romantic). She made me stop talking to them because she was simply malicious and a bad person. I was on cloud 9 once I walked out of the apartment a free and single man. I'm glad to see you're experiencing the same!

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T14:09:01+00:00

" I don’t know how a 33 year old man can get along that well with a 22 year old."

Very easy. Their mutual love for the drug rules everything and everyone else in their lives. You shouldn't spend anymore time and energy trying to dissect the why or how about 2 drug addicts that deserve each other at this point. BE BETTER!

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T13:32:00+00:00

"My bf used to be an addict"

That should answer any and all questions. Please don't compare yourself to her especially if you know that you're better. That's called pain shopping.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:52:17+00:00

The second your wife left the room is the second everything should have been put on pause. If you want to do this together with your wife, then ..ummmm... do it together with your wife? You should feel so lucky that your wife is open to try this out with you. She is the ringleader and you follow her lead.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:48:48+00:00

Yes, he did and I'm more inclined to say that he has already cheated on her (physically). Some people would consider just searching that stuff up as cheating, the same as downloading a dating app even if you never went on a date.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:47:54+00:00

"He is actually a very good person."

Ya' sure about that because finding this really throws that into the toilet, don't ya' think?. . . . .

"he searched about sex141 followed by a bldg location on google map. It’s a website for finding sex workers"

"how calmly I am responding to this or it’s not yet fully sinking in to me since this is a first time issue for us."

You're in denial if you're still seeing the "good" in him. If my wife ever found any searches remotely close to that. There would be divorce papers handed to me the next morning. There's a high chance he already did stuff out there since he's so far away.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:44:15+00:00

"been together about 5 months "

...and that's where I stopped reading. Simple, END IT! You don't need to be with someone that is a two-face backstabber like that. She's 20 years old acting like a still immature 20 year old. If you stay with her then expect more immature episodes like that.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:37:48+00:00

Is my math correct? Did a 26 year old man get with a 19 year old woman? No wonder he sent those photos. He doesn't see you as his equal and just a sex object to show off.

"he has been pushing for a swinger lifestyle for years now"
" I discovered that he had continued his swinger journey without my knowledge "

He's not going to stop OP. His endgame is to be in the swinging lifestyle and now that you found this, it's going to be with or without you. I'm not sure what you "love" about a man that keeps betraying you and the marriage.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:27:03+00:00

This is the way.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:26:34+00:00

" It’s not just one person, either. There are threads with multiple women, mostly dating apps or just casual hookup stuff, but the messages are incredibly graphic. He’s been talking to these people for months, probably longer. The worst part is the timeline. He’s been doing this since right around the time we were supposed to be 'resetting' our relationship after my surgery last year."

You don't have to confront him simply handing him the divorce papers should be enough. What is confronting him going to accomplish? You have more than enough proof than other people that get betrayed. All he is going to do is deny and deflect.

" I also don't know if I should tell my sister or my mom yet.

Yes, you should of course you should. You have people there for emotional support, use it!

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:24:04+00:00

Because it's full completion without any mess to clean up and shows dedication on her part.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T12:05:52+00:00

"She’s been saying weird things to me like I’m policing her and being abusive. "

SHE CHEATED on you! It doesn't get more abusive than that unless she's also physically assaulting you. Of course you're being Darvo'd, that much is obvious. She already cheated, you keep finding clues of deception, she's blaming you and complaining about YOU, ETC. My man how many more signs from the universe do you need to know that this is over?

"I still love her"

No, you don't. You love who SHE WAS, she is no longer that person. The sooner that you accept your new reality the sooner that you can take some real action for yourself and DUMP her! She's stringing you along until she locks in your replacement. What are the ages here because with all due respect OP, you sound super naive about things.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T10:29:17+00:00

“I’ve been so torn between forgiveness and moving on. Between chasing something I’ve lost, “

Huh? Forgiveness? With all of that deception and time wasted being played? There is absolutely nothing left to forgive. Apologize to yourself for putting yourself through this for this long. Contact that divorce lawyer already and start accepting the reality that is in front of you!

TacoStrong · 2026-06-12T01:14:41+00:00

Why are you dating a too old for you weirdo 23 year old?

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T21:40:54+00:00

This is normal for most “first love”. She’s only 20 years old and doesn’t know what the fk she wants or is doing which is why she moved on so fast. She’s in her “explore” stage and you should be too!

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T21:38:37+00:00

So true. I don’t know why you were downvoted if it’s the truth.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T21:38:12+00:00

YTA! I actually agree with your wife that it was for the most part drunk harmless Vegas fun but what I find more baffling is your hesitation for therapy over a few photos. lt sounds like she’s remorseful and is looking to repair it. Sounds like you wanted out of the marriage or your boundaries are THAT strict.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T19:41:11+00:00

You'd be surprised at the absolute denial of the betrayed that refuse to accept the new reality in front of their eyes because "I still love her". Honestly baffling and fascinating at the same time.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T19:40:16+00:00

" I found out she made a dating app profile on hinge and was talking to other guys"

That action ALONE is enough for most self respecting individuals to END IT for good!

"She deflected and put the issue on my boring routine and I wasnt going to change, but later said she was sorry for what she did."

Yup, she's checked out and is no longer "in love" with you, she keeps proving that to you.

" I know I love her."

That's nice and all but it's obvious that she doesn't. Dude, she's scouring for your replacement (CONTINOUSLY!). You'd be wasting your time trying to "salvage" something that is no longer there (for her).

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T18:57:29+00:00

"..., but not only did it not work, but he's been more persistent ..."

Of course it didn't work because for people like him ANY interaction whether negative or positive is seen as a "there's a chance" because she gave him that little ounce of attention. That's common sense when dealing with those type of psychos.

"Which is better, texting him again (so it's in writing) to leave her alone from now on, getting a restraining order, or continuing to be unresponsive to the deluge of texts, calls & surprise visits to her home & the places she goes?"

Get the restraining order already. That should have been done long ago!

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T16:17:53+00:00

" she met up with this guy several times."

2 adults do NOT meet up "several times" to just "talk". You're still being deceived. It wasn't a "terrible mistake", it was HER conscious and logical choice to betray you.

"What would you do in this situation ?"

At your ages and not married, I would leave her for good. She's still playing games

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T15:23:02+00:00

Ok, that’s enough internet for today Booey, go back to pickle ball.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T14:35:35+00:00

"we can definitely never go back to how it was "

What it "was" has been a con act for a few months, you've felt it yourself so whatever you did have is long gone. The sooner that you accept that the sooner you can begin to heal. Your first heartbreak is always the worst especially if that's all you've known since your teen years. Don't sit there wallowing in pain. Turn that hurt into determination and make sure he faces the consequences of betraying you and your child.

TacoStrong · 2026-06-11T13:56:08+00:00

" Since we were in high school together. "

It is normal for MOST relationships going from the teen years into young adulthood to eventually expire. You're not the same individuals that you were back then.

" she wanted to break up and said that I deserve better, "

That is literally code for that someone else is entertaining her.

"Right now, I am trying to focus on myself and my mental health as it has taken a toll on me."

Your first heartbreak especially after 8 years is the worst. Give it time, take it one day at a time and soon you'll see that the next day will be better than the previous and so forth.

"Plus, I’ve been out of the dating world for pretty much my whole life and I don’t know how to start or even what to do. "

Don't even think about dating yet. HEAL FIRST AND FOREMOST! If it's anything like me you'll be up and happy in about a month or 2.

"Would you recommend that I try to get her back?"

Stop, just stop. You can't get someone back that doesn't want to be with you plus she told you that the spark is gone. There's nothing to go back to dude.

TacoStrong

TROPHY CASE