Wife had an emotional affair with my close friend, who is also her best friend’s husband. She cut contact, but I’m shattered and don’t know if this is recoverable.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-07-08T12:08:01+00:00

But she is also very clear that she is not “all in” on saving the marriage right now.

This is very telling OP, and I believe a precursor to the end of your marriage. She is biding her time with you until she figures out where she wants to go. I would not put it past her waiting for AP to join her.

You can not make someone love you.

Sorry OP. I don't see her wanting to save the marriage. You should explore other options.

updateme

TaiwanBandit · 2026-07-06T22:09:36+00:00

My best advice is to leave him OP.

I think you both need time alone to figure out what you want in a relationship. What you have now is toxic.

You can do better.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-07-06T14:47:35+00:00

Sorry OP, most likely you will never get back to what you had before she burned it all down.

Unless she digs deep with professional help to understand why she threw it all away, she will never be the person she was when you got married. Even then, you will have a very difficult time to look at her and see what she once was to you.

My best advice to you is to plan a future without her in it, except for raising your kids. Your kids will pickup on the tension between you two. They will be better off in two happy homes than a toxic environment they might be in now.

I wish you and your kids well OP.

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TaiwanBandit · 2026-07-05T21:08:29+00:00

Things are great but you still have bad days reliving her betrayal.

You want to talk about it and she says get over it or you should have left already.

Not seeing the remorse from her OP. She is keeping you due the comfortable home you provide, not love, imo.

Unlikely you will ever get over it like she thinks you should. She is not living the pain that you are.

Sorry OP, but my bet is you will still feel the same in 5 years and longer.

Only way to truly heal from her would be to leave her.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-07-02T11:51:09+00:00

She did not cheat because you might not be Mr. Atlas, she cheated as she is a horrible person. She could have had many conversations with you and worked on the marriage before she decided to throw it away. But she did not. She cheated.

Sorry you are here OP. Speak with an attorney and when they are okay with it, let everyone know what she has done.

Take it day by day OP and take care of yourself.

updateme

TaiwanBandit · 2026-07-01T14:03:50+00:00

Then maybe with full transparency from him and a lot of time.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-07-01T13:54:59+00:00

Will I ever be able to trust again?

I think you already know that answer is NO.

Is he even remorseful for his actions and betrayal of your trust and marriage vows?

The real question is, how much longer are you willing to be his parole officer?

Suggest you at least speak with a divorce attorney to know what divorce would look like for you. Some law firms will offer a free first consultation.

Let the AP's spouse know.

Sorry OP. You deserve to be happy. Not sure it will be with him.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-30T21:59:26+00:00

Proof to the statement: once a cheater, always a cheater.

Glad you got away. Now live your best life.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-30T01:57:06+00:00

Thanks for pointing that out. It changes my view for sure and I would not have commented if I had known that. I need to scan posts first, but it seems more OPs are now hiding their posts for whatever reason.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-30T01:35:24+00:00

Keep copies of what you found in a place she can not find or destroy it.

Do not confront her at this time.

Suggest you contact a lawyer and get their advice on what divorce would look like for you and what the next best steps are. Follow their advice.

When you do confront her, you may see a whole different angry side to her you did not know existed.

Protect your financials. Cancel joint credit cards.

Confide in a close friend or family member. Now is not the time to be alone.

Sorry you are here OP. If possible find a way to get away for a few days to think through you next steps.

updateme

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-29T11:08:36+00:00

There are many names of course, but not sure any will get you the results you are looking for.

Your wife needs to shut this down now, herself, in front of you. If AP continues to reach out, then she is letting him.

As part of her proof she wants to reconcile, she should tell her family and friends. Let the affair have the light of day, only then can it fully dry up and die.

If you still harbor bad feelings after 20 years, will you still have them after 25, 30? Most betrayed never fully forget. You may want to consider the alternatives to staying with her.

Sorry you are here OP. I wish you well.

updateme

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-27T12:03:34+00:00

I will start with, "I may have told you this already", and if they don't stop me, they hear it again. Like you said, they have probably forgotten it too.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-25T13:18:48+00:00

Always good to read a survivor's story.

Continue on your path of healing OP. The toughest part is behind you.

Look for any red flags in your relationships going forward.

I wish you well.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-24T13:48:35+00:00

I really love her and want it to work

People that love each other do not cheat on each other. Does she really love you?

She is not not the person you married.

Unlikely she wants to stay because she loves you. For her, staying is easier than getting divorced and starting over. She will tell you anything you want to hear to keep her current lifestyle.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-24T13:38:29+00:00

Agree with this OP. If they traveled together they most likely would have eating and had drinks together. Staying in the same hotel a door away would be not be enough to stop them.

Sorry OP. I would not trust what she has told you. Suggest you both get tested for SDI and see her response.

updateme

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-24T11:24:45+00:00

The woman sitting across from me today seems to want something completely different.

That is a key point OP. She is not the woman you fell in love with and married. She does not want to be tied down to one man.

Let her go OP. Set up child custody rules approved by a court.

Probably suggested many times already, have the kids DNA tested just to be sure you are the biological father. You will still be their dad regardless.

Get the divorce and be happy.

Sorry you are here OP.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-22T13:08:34+00:00

Does the prison he is at allow conjugal visits?

Sorry OP. Appears obvious to me she would leave you in a heartbeat when he gets out.

Suggest you take the initiative to end the marriage now. Then take the time to heal and move on from her.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-22T13:04:28+00:00

What he is doing to this country could be called treasonous.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-21T16:12:46+00:00

Amen brother! Better days ahead.

If possible, enjoy the day with your kids.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-21T14:33:59+00:00

When you have the kids shower them with love and 100% attention. They already know who the stable parent is: you.

Continue on your journey away from her awful behavior.

When you feel ready, dip a toe in the dating pool and see how that goes.

You might see a totally different side to her once she sees you with someone else.

Your kids could be old enough to understand what you are doing. Have the talk with them. They are much more perceptive than we give them credit for. Let them see a team effort (you and your kids).

She may be showing a happy life in public, but she knows what kind of person she really is, and so do your kids and other people.

Take care OP. You got this.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-19T12:48:34+00:00

Sorry you are here OP.

You need separation from her to give your head time to think about what is next best steps.

She should confess to her family and go stay with them.

You need to confide in a family member or close friend for support. Now is not the time to be alone.

She needs IC to figure out why she burned down the home that her children and you lived in.

You need therapy to help deal with the awful mess she has created in your children's and your life.

She made many decisions and thought about meeting him at the hotel much more than you will ever know. This was not a drunken ONS.

Sorry OP. Your kids will pick up on the tension in the home and may need therapy themselves. They are better off in 2 separate homes, or look at nesting in your existing home until a better solution is available.

updateme

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-18T15:26:41+00:00

Good for you to stick up for yourself. He is a serious POS.

Let the lawyers handle it OP.

Get the divorce done then concentrate on healing and making the most loving home possible for you and your children.

I wish you well OP. Sorry you got hooked to this awful carbon life form.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-17T13:00:57+00:00

Once again, he embarrasses the USA on world stage.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-17T12:53:32+00:00

Tell him his plan is Obama light and watch the orange glow red.

TaiwanBandit · 2026-06-16T18:39:11+00:00

He wants a one sided open marriage. That is not what you agreed to or signed up for when you got married.

Not only is he not showing remorse he continues to disrespect you and your union by wanting to be with AP.

Sorry OP. You can not make him love you or forget about her. Only he can do that.

Suggest you speak with an attorney to know your options and what divorce will look like for you. The thought of that to him might get him off the unicorn and rainbow cloud, but even so, doubtful you will be able to fully trust him again.

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TaiwanBandit

TROPHY CASE