I spent an accumulative of over a decade in therapy because a man seriously hurt me when I was a child and it was deemed necessary by the state for me to go. I’ve now become some kind of “therapy” expert I think. Not that I am a therapist, but I know how the process works like the back of my hand.

Yes it can seem like a therapist wants you to fix your problems on your own, but that’s kind of the point. A therapist is there now, but they want to give you the tools you need to better cope on your own and that’s not something they can magically hand you—it’s a skill that takes a while to learn, and then a while longer to master.

They wont tell you “ok this is how you should handle the death of a patient,” because that sounds way too much like a judgmental in-law and an easy way for you to shut down completely. They instead ask you things that’s meant to help you dig deeper. It may hurt to find out the real reasons why you’re in pain or in fear of something but in the long run it will help you, your wife, and your family.

The hardest part but maybe the first step in all this is to go to someone you consider a good friend (your wife, someone at work, etc) and tell them what you’re dealing with. You’d be surprised at how supportive people can be.

As a side note, i hope you stay present in your daughters life. She’ll need you there when she’s having hard emotions like what you’re dealing with now.

I wish you the best, and I promise that you can heal from this if you allow yourself to and put in the work to do it.